Today, I was shopping for pillows at Bed Bath and Beyond. My husband playfully picked up a pillow pretending to start a pillow fight. I grabbed the largest pillow and chased him with it. When I finally caught up with him, a manager came around the corner. I was escorted out. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend and I babysat our neighbors' 10 year-old. After a while, he challenged us to a pillow fight. I opted out, but she accepted. I went to use the bathroom and I came back to find her face down on the floor, as he sat on her back bashing a pillow against her head. What the hell did I miss? FML
Today, I was stuck in a window seat next to the biggest/angriest man I've ever seen. During the trip, I reached down to pick up what I thought was my pillow but instead managed to pull off his huge sock. I couldn't put it back so had to pretend I had no idea why he was glaring at me when he woke up. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my friend when I saw my boyfriend in Victoria's Secret - with another girl. They were joking and laughing, and I was really pissed off. So I stormed into the store and slapped him. He looked up at me with an angry and confused expression. It wasn't my boyfriend. FML
Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML
Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML
Today, I was shopping with my husband. At the self-checkout, one of the items I was buying for him as a gift didn’t register. As we were walking out, I get stopped and escorted to the loss prevention office, where I was accused of stealing. FML
Today, I was dining out with friends. I saw a mom instructing her young child to go to empty tables and take whatever cash had been left. I discreetly told the manager. He confronted the woman and pointed right at me. As she was being thrown out, she tossed a very heavy mug at my head. It hit me. FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
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Top comments
lovelyliz916 5
Lol, who cares at least you had fun!! :)
justsayfuck 5
Guess you are an exception, posting a FML while seeming happily married. Keep on having fun!
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Comments (63)
smashgrab 0
YDI for acting like a two year old in a store. If you want to play grabass with your spouse, do it in an appropriate place. Bed Bath & Beyond is NOT that place.
lostfaithinpppl 19
Agreed! YDI OP!
RedPillSucks 33
Yeah. That's what iKea is for.
elblake 0
aren't those the three places you actually should be playing grab-ass?
savage74012 0
I work at bed bath and beyond, and stuff like that doesn't bother me!
sourgirl101 29
What if they ran into someone, knocked over stuff and misplaced items throughout the store? Having a little fun is fine. Involving others and tearing up the store is just plain rude. IMO
lovelyliz916 5
I still say keep having fun!! It doesn't matter what people say, if you wanna be silly in a store go for it, just have a limit or else it just looks weird. (:
catatonicsleep 17
next time sneak up on him... same end result, less attention from the guards :D
wintermistress7 1
No offense, but you shouldn't have encouraged your husband's behavior. But man, talk about bad timing though...
yourWIFEandKIDS 0
Oh no! You didn't get your pillows! D:
smashgrab 0
@ 11, being silly sometimes is great, but it has to be in an appropriate place. If you are going to act childish, do it where you don't run the risk of running around a corner and plowing down some grandma who is only looking for a lamp! Poor grandma, killed by a senseless act of pillow violence..
FrAnk0089 0
sounds like something that would happen to me lol
saragr94 2
i can relate to that... lol
bluekiwi_fml 0
being bad in stores is so fun! fyl I had to learn the hard way too :( :( :(