By Zora - 15/07/2012 23:13 - Norway - Bergen
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#24 - COD is given a restricted rating for a reason. Most 6 year olds can't separate fantasy from reality, and if they play COD at that age they will grow up to have some serious issues. Think about it, a 6 year old constantly playing a game which involves war, guns, death and swearing will definitely have an impact negative impact on his behaviour. Think about it.
Studies suggest that [REASONABLE] physical disciple achieves maximal efficacy before the child reaches the age of 8. OP has about two years to turn this ship around; hopefully this event serves as an effective wakeup call, or things will likely get MUCH uglier than this later on.
Growing up my mom bought a willow tree for the simple reason that when I misbehaved I had to go cut my own switch! Although it only got to that point a couple times, as soon as she gave me the warning that if I didn't stop what I was doing I would have to cut my switch when we got home the negative behavior would stop. I'm glad I got whippings when I was a child and will spank my daughter, when the time calls for it, when she grows up. As said before, there is definitely a difference between a punishment and abuse, and as the OP I would have definitely spanked him as soon as we got home!
Instead of physically punishing the child, OP could simply take the child's video games away for two weeks. I think that time outs along with taking a game/television is the best way to teach a child. Also you should warn the child that if they don't stop that they will receive a punishment. Always use a serious but strict voice when dealing with your child, this way they will no when you are upset. Even giving a child 'the look' is a great way to warn them in public. Also it's amazing what the '3-2-1... You're in trouble' method can do to a child's behavior. Anyway, I don't think physical punishment is a good idea because it makes children scared of their parent(s) and some time it can affect them mentally. WAIT! Before down-votting me because I express a different opinion, hear me out, I think that spanking CAN work without problem but on occasion it'll fuck the child up mentally and I understand that successful people have been spanked but some people are affected differently, the few that are spanked and turn out to be abusive or mentally changed. Another reason huge physical punishment isn't a good idea is that you can't trust all parents to control themselves while physically disciplining their children. If it protects only a few children, I am glad I am against physical punishment. I think that punishing a child by taking away something and telling them why you are mad while their in time out is the best way to deal with children. Remember we are talking about children, children that think that not having their video games/tv/tous is the end of the world. I think it's sad when parents don't atleast try to punish a child non violently. If you wouldn't spank a dog why would you spank a child? Thanks to whoever read the entire comment and please take what I said into consideration next time you go to punish a child.
273- taking away a kids toy or game or whatever wouldn't really work. It sure as hell wouldn't work for me because I know I'll get it back soon and I wouldn't learn my lesson and the child will keep acting out because they know that they'll only get a toy taken away for a short period of tome. I was spanked as a child and I know not to act out now. Nowadays my mom just yells at me if I do something bad because my mom knows that I won't learn my lesson if I get grounded..
273 - If a child believes that having his television time/video game taken away is the "end of the world", there's something already horribly wrong with that child. Bear in mind I'm talking about children around the age of OP's son; if at the age of 6 a child's world is already primarily composed of and dependent on electronics and virtual reality, you better start rethinking your method of parenting.
Hitting your kids because they misbehave is not the way to teach them a lesson. You should talk to them about what is right and wrong and make them feel responsible for their actions. I'm not saying to do this after they misbehave, because that's no use. Parents should make their kids feel this way from the start to avoid problems like these. My parents have never hit me and I would have never done what that kid did as a child because I already knew that it was wrong. The reason I don't do bad things isn't because I think that my parents intimidate me and I don't want them to get mad and hit me. It's because I respect them and would hate to disappoint them. By hitting your kids you're teaching them not to do bad things because they'll get hit. By talking to them your teaching them not to do bad things because it's WRONG.
Exactly, It's sad how I spent so much time working on my comment to express my thoughts on the topic, only to have it down voted without people even talking the time to read it. I wasn't spanked and never did anything wrong. People just hate to hear that they or their parents aren't/weren't using the best parenting method. Also, I know the grammar was off in some parts in my original comment but it was 8am and I was extremely tired. I actually stayed up to read the comments and voice my opinion. And to the guy saying I am why America's weak, it sounds like you don't want to accept my opinion as a valid argument; I bet you don't want to feel bad about physically punishing your child.
I'll restate my main point once more because no one apparently read my entire comment. If you wont spank your dog, why would you spank a child? Look at the dog whisperer, training is better than beating. Now that my comment is short enough for you guys, maybe you can stop mindlessly down voting me.
-280 Actually it works fine if you explain why you are taking it away. For example take your child' monitor away if they are a pc addict or tv if they need to see their show. Also I am saying time out, 3-2-1 method, and taking away an object that they love for a reasonable period of time. If they fight keep it for longer. Also make sure from a young age that they know right from wrong and basic logic.
haha that reminds of me when i was younger, one time when my mom told me to go bring a branch, i grabbed ahold of the biggest one i could find, thinking that she couldnt pick it up. When she saw me coming down the driveway hauling the huge branch behind me she burst out laughing and forgot all about what i did ^^
273, the issue is that simply taking something away and telling them why, doesn't really work with every child. I have this demon spawn cousin who tried to push my cousin down the stairs, broke part of my piano, punched my brother in the head, threw a glass at my other cousins head, threw plates into the window, pulled a 1 year old down the stairs, AND threw a knife at me. All in the span of 3 hours. Her parents took stuff away, told her what she did was wrong, put her in time out, etc. None of it worked, because the minute she was let go, she went back and did something else horrible. She only started to behave once her father spanked her. I've encountered some good children who only require a stern talking to, but I've also encountered children where talking to them, taking items away, or putting them in time-out isn't enough. You say in a later comment that you only required a stern talking to, and that you knew better than to do something like the OP's child. But it sounds like the OP's child either doesn't know, or doesn't care. By 6, you know that lying about your parents kidnapping you out of spite isn't something you should do, I don't think a lecture would have helped in this situation.
OoLogicalOo - You aren't getting thumb down just because your comment is too long. You're getting thumbed down because you're simplifying parenting too much. Hell, I don't even have any brats and I know what works for one person does not work for another, and what works at one age might not work for another. Spanking is not necessarily the right move, but it is not "bad" or "wrong" parenting. Especially when a child needs it. My parents would ground me, take away privileges, if it was a minor offense, but if I did something dangerous, or extremely out of control, spanking came. My sister on the other hand, never needed to be spanked, because she just understood when she was sternly talked to. My brother, up until he was eight or so, spanked all the time, because grounding didn't work. We all grew up into mature, responsible, successful adults. So, please, stop being close minded. Kids are all different, so responses are all different.
Close minded? Lol, I think it's close minding when people can't accept my opinion. I understand parenting is a complex subject but punishment is not. If a child is throwing knifes or trying to hurt someone, they need help and physically punishing them could exacerbate the situation. All that I am trying to say is that you don't have to spank a NORMAL child; any other psychotic child show receive mental help. And I will portray my example one last time, if you wouldn't spank your dog, why would you spank your child.
There are parents that believe your "method" should be used by everyone an that disciplining is abuse and causes kids to have problems/issues when really their kids are spoiled little brats out there that probably wouldn't give a crap if you take their stuff away. They disrespect the elderly, mostly never listen to their parents and hurt other children. Disciplining a kid isn't abuse NOT EVEN CLOSE. Those issues you think it causes in kids isn't a issue. It's them thinking twice when they know they're doing something wrong and they end up doin th right thing. I'm a disciplined kid an I have nothing wrong with me. I'm glad I was cause I could be dead by now if I didnt listen. This is AMERICA ...generation after generation every kid has been disciplined for the past 1000yrs or longer. I think the people with problems are the ones who weren't disciplined and went into drugs fighting or something bad.. I think I like to stick to disciplining.
Spanking doesn't always work. The same way taking away a certain toy or privilege doesn't always work. Growing up my parents used spanking to disciple my sibling and I and we all reacted differently. To me spanking didn't work I viewed as a short term punishment and as soon as it ended I could go and do whatever I want, but when my parents explained why my actions were wrong stopped. My sister responded well to spanking and it discipled her, and because o spanking my brother fought for a while that physical actions/violence was the way to solve a problem. My point is that every child is different and responds differently to different types of disciple. Neither spanking, confiscating toys, or other forms of disciple are the "right" or "better" way to parent a child. It is up to the parent and the child's reaction.
OoLogicalOo - Where did you get throwing knives from "something dangerous"? I meant climbing trees too high, or when it was lightening out, swimming in storms, not looking before running across a dangerous intersection. You know, things kids do that are dangerous...to themselves. And I respect your opinion, in in that it is your right to raise your children in such a way. It is not close-minded to think that you are simplifying things too much. Every child is different, parents should parent according to their child's temperament.
A child's frontal lobe is extremely underdeveloped. That's why some kids don't respond to a stern talking-to. When my psychology professor was a child, her and her sister KNEW they couldn't look for the christmas presents in the house. 3 days before christmas they got caught and their dad told all the family members that since they were being ungrateful, to save the presents for next year's christmas. When the day came, everyone in the family treated them as if it was a normal day. No going out, no lights, no gifts. Also, they got a stern lecture. The never, ever, did that again. The reason why this worked was because they were already 10 & 12. Lots of psychological studies have proved that the best behavior modification for a child is something harsh, non-abusive, and right after it happens. That way, kids wont act up.
Agree 2. I get tired of hearing "spanking makes children violent". A good number of adults today were spanked and are not violent. I know, for me, whenever I got spanked I learned, and never did that action again. Timeouts and restriction are a joke. Op fyl for having a spoiled brat, it's only a ydi if you don't punish him.
When you spank, your kid learns that you can love someone and still be violent with them. Is that what you want to teach your kids? What about the kids who DO get screwed up because they were spanked? How do you know your kid is not going to be one of them? It is YOUR fault if your kid learns bad behaviours and then acts badly. You are the teacher. Don't punish the kid, punish yourself for not doing your job. Kids deserve inconditional (so not just if they behave good) love and understanding. Violence teaches them it's ok to be violent. It's the lazy parent's resource, for those who do not care about teaching their kids how to behave well.
51 - I have to disagree. It's not necessarily a parents fault if a kid does bad things. Ever heard of school? Kids can learn plenty of things from other students. At any age. Anyway, I totally think spanking is appropriate. Not all of the time, it just depends on what the kid did. Time outs are acceptable if a kid does something wrong but if they persist in that wrongdoing, then they get spanked. Well that's how I was raised. Now, my parents just threaten to turn off my phone bill.
spanking recently became more socially unacceptable than it was in previous generations, as have a lot of other forms of discipline. If you look at studies, children in this time are also more ill mannered. Giving your child a few slaps on their bottom when they misbehave is not going to cause them to grow up and believe its ok to punch their girlfriend in the face when they are upset. A semi intelligent human being would comprehend the difference between that and a spanking. An undisciplined child, however, will more times than not grow up to believe that they are allowed to behave however they please without any real consequences. That will surely lead to more issues in the future with their relationships and possibly the law. Parents nowadays need to quit being a bunch of pansies and realize that they are in charge, not their child. I was spanked as a kid and am now 22 years old, never been in a physical confrontation of any kind, am in college, and have never been in any serious trouble in my life. I'm glad my parents disciplined me the way they did or I might not be where I'm at today.
51, I never got past the first two sentences being it was buried and a page long. I was never spanked purely from the fact if you had my parents you would listen to every word they say. To me, spanking should be a second offence situation after a warning. But, it's pretty straightforward it's for your own good when parents tell you right from wrong.
I was spanked with a paddle when I did something wrong. Before I was spanked, my parents would have me tell them why I was spanked and then afterwards they would tell me that they did it out of love. I see where they got that idea. You don't want your kid to grow up disrespecting people because you never disciplined him. They have to learn respect and to take responsibility for their actions. If I did something like that in a store, I would not only be spanked, but also grounded. I don't know how other families did things, but I'm glad I was raised that way. It taught me many things. Oh, by the way, punishing a kid is part of a parents job. Unless you're one of those parents who let their kid run over them. If you kid acts up are you just going to say "Oh honey we can't do that. We have to behave. Come on. Lets quit screaming now." Really? Violence is when you beat your kid. Punching, kicking, etc. That is when a kid can get twisted. And parents love their kid even when punishing them. Please show some common sense, even if its not that common in *some* people.
When I was really little I knew not to touch or ask for anything in the store. I got one warning before hand and if I dare ask or throw a fit she'd give me that "you say it and I'm gonna beat your behind" look. Even though I don't get whooped anymore, I know not to mess with my mom when she gives me that look...
Studies have shown that effective discipline is done the moment the bad behaviour occurs (how many times have you heard "WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD GETS HOME!"?), but that reinforcement works better than punishment. Positive reinforcement is adding a favourable outcome to discourage bad behaviour, like offering a reward or incentive if the child completes a certain task. Negative reinforcement is removing a unfavourable outcome, like removing a curfew if the child gets good grades. Positive punishment is adding a stimulus to discourage bad behaviour, like a spanking for disobeying their parents where negative punishment is removing a favourable outcome for bad behaviour, like taking the child's favourite toys because they misbehaved. It has been proven that reinforcement works better in the long run, while often not as effective in the moment. Although a spanking may make the child stop the behaviour at the time, without the addition of an incentive to continue behaving properly, the spanking will be ineffective. Most parents who spanked in the past (when we were children) managed both, but since in this day and age spanking has gone by the wayside, children are missing the punishment and then not getting proper opportunities for the reinforcement, making discipline hopeless. I agree 150% with spanking, as long as the parent is reasonable. The use of anything but your hand is unfair to the child, and a belt won't do much more than your hand except hurt them more. If it hurts, no matter how little or how much, it won't be pleasant and therefore will make the child stop. Finally, discipline needs to be implemented from a young age. It isn't cute when your toddlers pounds her fists on the table in rage, it is a sign of defiance. At that age, simply hugging her and talking to her encouragingly and lovingly, turning the unfavourable situation (like cleaning) into a game, and showing her what you expect will really turn the behaviour around.
2- not exactly. think about what spanking teaches the kids. if you have the upper hand physically you are correct logically (even if youre not). whoever can hit the other person makes the rules. and sure it shows a kid that an action is wrong, but it doesn't show them WHY said action is wrong. if they know the latter it sets them up to be more empathetic people as they grow into adulthood. I was taught as a kid not to take things without asking because it makes people sad, and was never spanked, shouted at or grounded. I've never stolen a thing in my life, hit anyone etc. to be able to teach a child why things are bad to do enables them to be more analytical and thoughtful about some basic concepts of morality etc...
I believe there is a difference between acting up and acting out. If a child is acting out, there is something wrong, whether emotionally or psychologically at that moment in time. Kids have feelings and emotions that they don't know how to react to or control. I agree to that. But throwing a fit and acting up because they can't have a new game...no ma'am!! That deserves to be punished.
Is that not what laws and law enforcement and government does to us adults? I'm not here to debate my parenting skills. My daughter is an amazing kid...a great student, loving, caring, empathetic, and compassionate. I'm not saying my way of parenting is for everyone. I'm just saying that MY daughter would NEVER do this.
I think spanking works just fine. When spanking was more socially acceptable, kids were more respectful. Like if anyone heard about that story where these kids were verbally abusing and threatening an older woman on their school bus, then you would see why we need to spank kids. When children were spanked they had so much more respect. And now look at our society now that spanking is frowned upon.
Honestly, I've actually spanked my daughter only one time. I've swatted her a couple times, but as far as a real spanking, one time was all it took. I'm all for talking to kids and trying other options but sometimes a last resort has been reached and spanking works wonders. I'm not down for child abuse of any sort. One spanking equals three whips. No angry lashing or beating. Explain whats happening and why. My brother and I are grateful for the discipline we received as children. And I know my daughter will be too.
Tkay - that is the most retarded thing to say. I hope you never have children if you aren't going to discipline them each time they act up. They're your children, they need you to set boundaries and show them right from wrong. Yes they are individuals but they aren't going to grow up to be little special packages of sunshine if you don't set the boundaries and consequences for breaking those barriers
My mum used to smack me if I was being a little shit. It stopped me from doing what I was doing because to me, it made me feel like if she carried on she wouldn't love me anymore. My mum hasn't smacked me in years. There have been some times where she is just in a bad mood and wants to take it out on me, eg. One time she was washing up and said she was cooking dinner and I corrected her so she hit me with the saucepan she was washing up (she had previously had an argument with someone else) and that taught me not to do anything when she is in a bad mood. I think smacking is a good discipline as so many kids these days need it. Most kids my age received it and are better off (where I live) but the ones younger that don't receive it are very annoying. My boyfriend's little sister doesn't receive it and she cries over absolutely everything until she gets what she wants and she swears at her mum and dad all the time. She is 10. As smacking isn't thought of as acceptable anymore she doesn't do it unless she really does something stupid. My boyfriend and his other siblings all received it though and are much better people. It also depends on the upbringing but I don't think it is that hard to show a child love and respect for them to return it. But what would I know, I'm only 16 and I'm not going near babies for a good 10 years. :P
You say your kid would never but then a few posts later say you had to spank her once, swat a few times... So clearly your kid has. Children will test their limits and something like this is guaranteed to happen once... How you react to it determines whether or not it happens again.
I'm actually proud of the bystanders, most people would do nothing. I'm not so proud of your son though....
16: Not necessarily the fact that it went wrong, but the fact that people standing by actually did something about it. Most people would walk away and not make it their problem. I'm proud of them because if it had been a real kidnapping, they would have saved that boy's life.
Even know it was good that the bystanders got involved, they should have just blocked him from leaving and asked him to prove the child was his (a picture in his wallet or asked the child if this was his father or not because most young children freak out and will say that they were lieing when faced with trouble ) , also they should have gotten a store employee, or cop involved. Because that's the problem with bystanders sometimes they jump to conclusions and can become a mob and innocent people end up getting really hurt or killed because people that think there helping but end up beating people to death.
Just because OP is a man a bunch of strangers think it's OK to hit him? And yet if OP was a woman everyone would just assume the kid was being a little shit to his mum. Apparently if you're female you can't be kidnapping a child or be a pedophile.. It's fine that you're dragging a child out of a store who is screaming and crying, if you're a woman. They assumed this man was actually taking a random child and kidnapping him, from a store with witnesses and probably in broad daylight? Stopping him from leaving while the police/security were called would be a perfectly acceptable course of action. I hope OP pressed charges against the guy who hit him.
What a little shit. Good on you for walking out and not giving in, but your kid needs to be taught a SERIOUS lesson!
You may want to try and discipline your child. Go on Supernanny or something.
Every kid had these days. They could have the best parents in the world but still have its brat moments. The parent did great by not giving in and taking him out of the store. Any "super nanny" would have said the same thing. You're an idiot for suggesting "reality shows" to correct something the parent has under control.