Today, I was shopping for pillows at Bed Bath and Beyond. My husband playfully picked up a pillow pretending to start a pillow fight. I grabbed the largest pillow and chased him with it. When I finally caught up with him, a manager came around the corner. I was escorted out. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my girlfriend and I babysat our neighbors' 10 year-old. After a while, he challenged us to a pillow fight. I opted out, but she accepted. I went to use the bathroom and I came back to find her face down on the floor, as he sat on her back bashing a pillow against her head. What the hell did I miss? FML
Today, I was stuck in a window seat next to the biggest/angriest man I've ever seen. During the trip, I reached down to pick up what I thought was my pillow but instead managed to pull off his huge sock. I couldn't put it back so had to pretend I had no idea why he was glaring at me when he woke up. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my friend when I saw my boyfriend in Victoria's Secret - with another girl. They were joking and laughing, and I was really pissed off. So I stormed into the store and slapped him. He looked up at me with an angry and confused expression. It wasn't my boyfriend. FML
Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML
Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML
Today, I was shopping with my husband. At the self-checkout, one of the items I was buying for him as a gift didn’t register. As we were walking out, I get stopped and escorted to the loss prevention office, where I was accused of stealing. FML
Today, I was dining out with friends. I saw a mom instructing her young child to go to empty tables and take whatever cash had been left. I discreetly told the manager. He confronted the woman and pointed right at me. As she was being thrown out, she tossed a very heavy mug at my head. It hit me. FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
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Top comments
lovelyliz916 5
Lol, who cares at least you had fun!! :)
justsayfuck 5
Guess you are an exception, posting a FML while seeming happily married. Keep on having fun!
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Comments (63)
phooph 2
At some point you can tell your grandchildren that during your wild days, you were bounced out of a hardcore bath supply store.
SMD_emilyy 1
You should've told the manager to lighten up.lol
katj 0
Unless the manager was your father in law, I'd say this is a My Life Is Awesome. Don't forget how to be a kid!
MyTwoCents_ 0
lol rofl I can imagine dis
HeaRTs_Girl 0
Aw, that's kind of cute that you two were playing. It's a shame you got in trouble for it, but hopefully you two can have a good laugh over it later. And hey, you'll have a fun anecdote to share with others. :-)
gymdiva1 0
wow aren't you guys cool(: pahahahaha!
tylerpatton 0
How does this make your life suck?
windergirl6 0
you stupid
iltby 3
Who cares, sounds like fun :P
CaptCesar 0
Lmao, sounds like something that would happen to me. d: