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I agree! God forbid you gain a little weight once you were married! Would that force him to divorce you? Imagine going into a marriage with someone who has such little respect for you that they won't be with you until you change to be what they want!!! Grrrr! This makes me angry!!
#1, total BS. Would you reject someone for being 5 pounds above their ideal weight? No, that would be shallow. What if they were 100 pounds overweight? Would you still want to have sex with them then? Probably not. So, somewhere between 5 and 100 pounds is a line where people cannot be physically attracted to someone they otherwise love. We don't know how fat the OP is, or what he considers "thin," but at least he's giving her a chance to make it work.
Ok I totally agree that what the boyfriend said was really messed up, and he is an ass hole. I do not however agree with #1 in that everyone should be accepted as they are, flaws and all. There are things that are unacceptable, and it is not fair to generalize. Is it wrong to try and rehabilitate a thief, a murderer, a pedophile? These are extreme examples, but your statement suggests that those people should also be accepted as they are. I'm also curious about everyone's opinion regarding this- I'm not saying this is the case, ... But if... Again this is an if... The girlfriends weight was a health issue rather than just an issue of her appearance, and the boyfriend made the deal as motivation to get healthy, is he still an ass hole?
There's a difference between tactly and nicely convince her to do sports and eat well, and what he did. Do you have any idea how demeaning that is to her? Because he just told her that he is prepared to spend his life with her and that her body is at fault for not already being married.
To those of you who say OP's partner is drawing a fair line: Why would they be dating if the partner isn't already interested in OP? (Okay, it doesn't specify they're dating. An offer of marriage from someone you're not dating would NOT make anything better. "Hey, you, whom I haven't thought enough of to date! I'll marry you if you lose weight!" Oy.) #60, if the proposal was made as a motivational offer to try to get OP healthy, then yes, the proposer is still out of line. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and partnership, not something to be dangled as a conditional reward.
I agree with 81, they're already dating so obviously something made him like her. Its not like if people are 100 pounds overweight they're suddenly undateable. As sad as it is to reference reality TV, on My 600 lb Life, they were all dating or married. Its personality that attracts a good mate, not just body. Unfortunately, if you're a good person with a good body, you could attract bad people, so you have to watch out. Like OP apparently did.
I'm very much afraid that he's serious. But unlike other people, don't believe he's a total jerk. What I imagine happened here: when OP met her boyfriend, she was thin. They fell in love, and later in she stopped paying attention and got fat. The boyfriend doesn't like her physically as much (understandable) but hasn't dumped because of her looks (thus, not a jerk). Getting married to someone you are no longer very attracted to, and has stopped trying to be beautiful (for herself and her significant other)... I don't know if I would do it, and wouldn't blame my partner for wanting me to lose the new extra weight either (as long a he's tactful about it). We don't know their history.
And why does he need to be kidding? What if he thinks he deserves to be with someone who is attractive and doesn't embarrass him? I'm not saying OP is fat, but if she is...well, there's only benefits if she decides to lose weight. Just being blunt there. I don't understand why everyone feels the need to defend fat people all the time.
That proposal deserves nothing more than rejection. You deserve nothing less than the best.
#7: Since people are different, your idea of "the best" might be different than my idea of "the best". That's the wonderful thing about relationships. What doesn't work for someone might work for someone else. But the point is, OP deserves someone better than the douche who wants her to marry him on the condition that she lose weight.
I don't think you get how rude that was. How would you feel if someone would only want you if you change, although you think that you're completely okay? Sure, if op wants to loose weight to make her boyfriend happy, it's okay, (I wouldn't loose weight for someone else though) but if op likes her weight and her looks, why should she change it?
Of course looks matter. Nobody wants to be married to someone they aren't attracted to. BUT that also doesn't mean OP has to change her appearance in order to appeal to someone who has a different idea of what "attractive" is. Because there will no doubt be people out there who will find OP attractive just the way she is, and that is the sort of person we all should marry: Someone who finds you beautiful regardless of whether you're thin, average or a bit overweight. After all, marriage isn't only for skinny people. There are plenty of fat people who get married. Why? Because their spouses are attracted to them and fell in love with them...just the way they are.
Speaking as someone who has been fat and thin (now thin) I would say... totally. dump. his. ass. There are so many things wrong with this stipulation, I don't know where to start. Seriously. If you're so overweight that there are major health issues, then making your marriage into motivation is the wrong idea. Someone with a considerable weight problem is like any other addiction, promise of marriage is NEVER recommended for anything else of this nature. Also, if you get married, you get married, in sickness and in health. If he does not like your size, tell him to move on. If you're only a bit chubby, then, go on a BBW dating site (look it up if you don't know what I mean) and see how many guys want you. Trust me, there will be quite a few, and no, they will not all be jerks. They will be just fine with your size. And if you are only a little overweight, 10 pounds or so... oh, what happens if you, God forbid, get pregnant? No. No. No. dump him. Now.
I hope you said no..if he doesn't love you the way you are then he's not work being with.
Perdix, I love you but that's a different situation entirely. Loving someone should be mostly about personality and a little about looks. Not wanting to work is a character flaw. Not WANTING to work usually equals lazy and ambitionless which is a major turn off, to me at least...
#85, are the situations really that different? A lot of what makes up your looks is innate, but your weight is something you can control with effort and discipline. If you really think about it, being fat and unemployed are two manifestations of character traits you find unattractive.
That's easy for you to say, skinny hot chick. Look at it this way. Maybe OP was much thinner when they started dating. Maybe the boyfriend can no longer watch OP fill her now fat face with junk food. Like correct me if I'm wrong but if your in a relationship don't you have some kind of obligation to your partner to not let yourself get fat and tasty?
well, medications, and yes there are medical conditions that more people have than you would think. i also love how you guys think shes over 300 lbs. what if this dude is shallow and is telling her this even though she's content with her body. God forbid that somebody be in between skinny bone jones and daaaamn status.
I married an unemployed guy. It was miserable. He never got a job (as he promised he would) and he never contributed to our home in any other way such as with cooking and cleaning. I'd marry an employed morbidly obese person over an unemployed hotty. At least the obese guy would appreciate me and help buy groceries, but the hot guy would probably eventually let himself go and then I'd end up with a fatty whose ALSO unemployed.
You don't need someone that rude in your life. Find someone who wants to marry you the way you are
I am going to give you a scenario, but first let me tell you that sex and physical relations are technically almost 1/3 of an entire marriage. You begin dating somebody. They're a bit overweight, and that's fine, because you like their personality. You've been dating for almost 18 months now, and your significant other is almost 75 pounds overweight. This bothers you, but not to the point of a break up. You have now been dating for 24 months. They are 115 pounds overweight. Not only do you avoid getting intimate at this point, but it is potentially a health problem now. Would you want to continue dating this person now? People are NOT always a jack ass because they think that their partner needs to lose weight. Why is not a problem when women want men to lose weight, but it is when men want women to lose weight? Stop being so insecure and be willing to accept some help. I don't hate fat people, I hate ignorant people. If you're fat and unable to take a hint, well then damnit why should you get special treatment?
Say " yes, under the condition that you will stop being an asshole".