Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML
Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML
Today, during a soccer game, some utter moron got the bright idea of trying to score a goal from his side of the field. I sarcastically made a big show of just barely stopping the ball, and nailed it off to the side. The ball hit a kid so hard in the head that he had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML
Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML
Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a skinhead sucker-punched me in the gut, grabbed my football, and ran away, giggling like a maniac. FML
Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML
Today, while I was playing football with a friend, my sister wanted to join in. She was messing around with the ball at the start, then suddenly she kicked the ball through my legs, pulled my shorts down and kneed me in the nuts. FML
Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML
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Top comments
mccrightp 29
What is it with trashy parents not disciplining their kids?
KittyLahv 27
What a little asshole. Maybe a stray soccer ball will hit him between the legs...
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Comments (160)
daisyflame 8
Instead of nervously laughing the parent should of apologized on behalf of her kid...although some may think no biggie..you'll heal...hitting guys in the "testies"can actually cause cancer...so I don't think it's really funny or that OP deserved this....regardless of his choice of descriptive wording ;-)
EvilLittleMan 23
A simpler and much more civilized response would be to yell. Grass Plant and slam the little ******'s face into the grass.
RedPillSucks 33
I guess smacking him upside the head while yelling "brain check!!!" Is out of the question?
llamaslikesoda 21
Honestly lmao
Stuffaluffagus 25
I would have punched the little asshole in the head
savannabrooks17 12
I'm sure when he's grown up then some rotten kid will do the same...
duckie227 22
You weren't wearing a cup, therefore you deserved it, OP!
llamaslikesoda 21
Soccer players don't wear cups, the kid was a twat for doing that in the first place, so how the **** was that his fault..?
echosong 16
Hey, you really should be wearing a cup.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I'm sorry, why does it matter that the mother was fat? Would this have been a forgivable offense if she'd been skinny? But back to the issue at hand - why weren't you wearing a cup if you were playing any sport? But more importantly, what is wrong with parents these days? They don't discipline their kids, let them get away with absolutely everything, and wonder why they grow up to be criminals and the like. Ugh!
wvcheesehead 13
If you only would have known the parental reaction, you could have faked a siezure, and scared the hell out of them.
tingtingmeg 12
sucks for you but obviously you dont know male anatomy. your body creates sperm on a regular basis.
haley_alena 13
But the fact that he said that (accurate or not) made it funnier