Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML
Today, for my 18th birthday, I went out to a club with my mate and I drank so much I ended up breaking my nose. I was there for an hour. FML
Today, I was at the bar and my friend and I were making fun of this guy wearing a Affliction muscle tee and bedazzled Ed Hardy hat. We were saying how he was the epitome of a douche bag and that he probably likes UFC. Turns out he's an MMA fighter and I now have a broken nose. FML
Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML
Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML
Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML
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Top comments
MrSassypants 34
"I used to tell people took an arrow to the knee, but then I took a fist to the nose." - OP
friedchickenpie 14
I used to hate that quote, but I took a Skyrim to the addiction section of my brain.
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Comments (385)
bizarre_ftw 22
Shoot him in the knee?
desireev 18
Sounds like you bit off more than you could chew, OP. Even though you were trying to make peace, YDI. If you would have minded your own, then you wouldn't have a broken nose. Sorry OP. Worry about yourself. Worrying about strangers at a club will only put yourself in harms way. Merry Christmas though! :)
ilovesarcasm 18
Yep, let the bouncers do their job! This will give you more time to find an original joke to tell. ;) Happy Holidays!
JMTS 0
I've played Skyrim many times and have never heard any guard say that... :(
ant2590 6
You know your not funny even when a drunk guy won't laugh at your jokes
Epsilonyx 15
Looks like he Fus Ro Dah'd your face. *ba duhm tss*
NotsoobviousTrol 5
Should of became ethereal
ktpl44 3
I think ice form would have been effective
HeyImPayton 0
Oh skyrim :)
manicmac 9
You deserve it for being stupid
21sicko10 1
9gag ftw
otecasacid 22
the drunk beggars dont say that in skyrim however, soooo maybe thats why he didnt take too kindly.
RoseCrystal 17
my boyfriend played Skyrim for 2 weeks straight and never heard him say that.....but then again, I took an arrow to the knee. ;)
EvilTwerp 12
More like you got carpet burns on the knees! Sorry, couldn't resist.
StartFromTheDark 6
You don't have a boyfriend.
GetHardOrGoHome 7
Never attempt to defuse anything. There are risks involved...
japtch 15
Or attempt it. Just expect to defend yourself now and then.
t765234 10
Yeah, the bomb could totally blow the **** up... Oops wrong situation.