Today, I was delivering packages to patients in the hospital... - FML

By Anonymous - 5/4/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, I was delivering packages to patients in the hospital for my job. My boss gave me a room to deliver to, and I drop it off as usual. But my boss gave me the wrong room number. I had to walk in, apologize, and take back balloons and a stuffed animal from a crying 6year old patient. FML

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Doomed

Gas giant

Workaholic

By p!$$3D0FF - 15/1/2009 02:02 - Australia

Today, I bought a pair of new speakers for my comp. I forgot I had installed various volume enhancing programs and also maxed out all sound settings. I connected the new speakers and played some music. The sound destroyed them. FML

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By Angry and Confused - 29/6/2013 09:55 - United States - Reno

Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML

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By fuckoffandfuckoffagainyoucunt - 17/8/2012 16:27 - United Kingdom - Sittingbourne

Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML

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By sleepy momma - 2/6/2013 06:06 - United States - Altoona

Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML

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By ChevRooon - 27/1/2012 04:46 - United States

Today, I went to the gas station, paid the clerk, and drove off without pumping any gas. FML

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By troubled - 4/11/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I had an appointment with a psychotherapist. I was feeling very depressed and was telling her how I felt no one cared about me. Her phone rang and she left me mid-sentence to take a call about her new BMW. FML

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By sllaggy - 18/4/2011 09:34

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's house. I had a shower while he went downstairs. As I went to say goodbye to him, his mother muttered "slut" while pouring him orange juice. FML

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By mywillyisdisappointed - 5/12/2015 01:57 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl I've been dating. I dropped her off and she finally asked me if I wanted to come in. When I did, she asked me to change a light bulb in her kitchen, and then promptly sent me home. FML

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By 12345678910 - 18/8/2013 18:22 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my drunk mom kicked me out of my own birthday party, calling me a "party-pooper" and saying I was killing everyone's buzz. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2009 08:40 - Canada

Today, I was in my Cosmetic Application class, and we were about to apply foundation to our models. I walk over to my friend and say "Wow, that foundation is really orange and blotchy." Then the model turns to me and says "Actually, we haven't started yet... that's just my skin." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2014 00:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after my car being in the shop for over a day and with no updates from the dealership, I decided to pay them a visit. The place was almost empty, and they hadn't done any work on my car. But judging by the used condom on my back seat, somebody got their own oil checked. FML

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By anonymous - 25/9/2020 20:01

Sing me to sleep…

Today, my best friend informed me that he had lost his virginity to my sister, which I already knew. However, he told me the location. My room. While I was asleep. FML

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By hanzastfu - 26/10/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. I started tearing up and telling him that I feel like he never has time for me anymore. He responded with, "I'm hungry." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2014 01:33 - Australia - Liverpool

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 08:03 - United States

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

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By Unwanted - 3/11/2015 19:10 - Austria

Today, my boyfriend declared he doesn't feel ready to move in with me for at least "some more years". We have already been together for five years. When he bought an apartment one year ago, he kept it a secret for three months. Maybe I should learn to take a hint. Or several hints. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, my boss finally pronounced my name correctly. My name was then followed by the words "You're fired." FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a coffee shop when the weird guy who had been pacing the store talking to himself approached our table. He looked at me, and in all seriousness, said, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your butt crack is showing." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2013 23:34 - United States - Brimfield

Today, I got to wash my ex-wife's dishes at her apartment while her new boyfriend played with my daughter in the living room. FML

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By anonymous - 1/10/2016 09:00 - Australia - Tennyson

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

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By comeuntome - 29/11/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

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By ChubbyAmerican - 22/5/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML

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By Amberizzle - 26/9/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, it is my three-year-anniversary with my boyfriend. I asked if he had planned anything for us, and he said yes. My parents volunteered to watch our daughter, I got all excited, and apparently our "plans" are to watch a football game. What do I get to do? Make sandwiches. For him. FML

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By bob - 1/9/2011 05:29 - United States

Today, my grandmother refused to wear clothes. FML

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By Noname - 2/2/2012 10:41 - United States

Today, I got an email from the local D and D meet up group that the next meeting will be on Feb. 14th. I don't know what is more sad: that the group is meeting on Valentine's Day, or that I have nothing better to do but go. FML

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By That escalated quickly - 24/6/2015 19:45 - United States - Ocean City

Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2017 23:15

Today, I had money set out to pay bills, for a gift, and to put in a card as my cousin's wedding gift. I was rushing and not paying attention and ended up putting all of the money in the wedding card. $400 from one person. I guess I'll have no cable or cell phone this month. FML

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By get a grip, son - 30/5/2014 20:37 - United States - Pooler

Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML

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By dck128 - 29/8/2011 22:05 - United States

Today, I was fired because a 10-year-old shat his pants and couldn't follow directions. FML

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By Snufflopagus - 1/1/2014 13:26 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML

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By Tom - 15/1/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, I'm flying out of the country in a few hours. A plane from the same airline just crashed into the Hudson River and is now floating in it. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2018 14:30

Today, I and several housemates have food poisoning. From what? Last night's Subway, which we only got to avoid eating the pork that was possibly bad as none of us wanted to be sick. FML

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By traumatized - 12/4/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

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By ColdFoot - 3/10/2009 06:38 - Australia

Today, my train was canceled so my ticket expired by the time another train arrived. I was fined $90 by ticket inspectors 'cause my claim that the early train didn't run was "unsubstantiated". Leaving the train I was pushed by the crowd, fell, lost a shoe and had to walk home with one bare foot. FML

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By canispankthat - 1/10/2010 11:07 - United States

Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML

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By LinaLinaYeah - 9/12/2011 16:26 - Canada

Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2018 15:00

Today, I came out as transgender to my extremely accepting and religious family over Facebook. My feed is currently flooded with plans for my exorcism. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2013 07:40 - United States

Today, I found out through one of my friends that my boyfriend cheated on me. He says it doesn't count as cheating because he couldn't get it up. FML

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By flying solo - 28/1/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, my roomate took the toilet paper out of my bathroom. I went into his room to look for it, only to find a large wad of it balled up near his laptop and mouse. FML

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Top comments

By mich23 | 10

#85390 - Monday 6 April 2009 0:58

oh damn thats just wrong, your boss shoulda went and got if back

By SpunkT | 0

#85415 - Monday 6 April 2009 1:02

#2 ... a six year old? What the hell is wrong with you.

Poor kid.

COMMENTS

By mich23 | 10

#85390 - Monday 6 April 2009 0:58

oh damn thats just wrong, your boss shoulda went and got if back

Reply

bailes_o_hay | 0

#1483206 - Friday 1 October 2010 23:52

haha I would feel terrible. I'd probably buy the kid some balloons myself

Reply

fooch | 0

#2565613 - Thursday 26 May 2011 4:47

this made me cry a little 

Reply

Spyingcheeseman | 8

#5867381 - Monday 24 February 2014 13:49

just deliver the real package, and come back to that room with your own gift

By MukyDaCookie | 0

#85403 - Monday 6 April 2009 1:01

If your a girl, just lift your shirt. He won't mind - assuming the patient is a he.

Reply

VolleyballSMASH | 1

#1224188 - Wednesday 11 August 2010 20:10

A six year old?

Reply

Poepiepiesie | 3

#1420755 - Saturday 18 September 2010 1:49

Moobs do tend to have hypnotic abilities that can compete with the ring of Sauron.

Reply

linddezzy | 0

#3148227 - Saturday 20 August 2011 21:31

Wtf, why would you do that to a 6 year old!? Not only is that morally wrong, but gross! 6 year olds believe in cooties, not boobies...

Reply

minichamp116 | 8

#3226258 - Saturday 3 September 2011 5:47

If YOU were smart, then you would have notice the Male symbol next to "Anonymous."
-__-

Reply

veggiebag | 3

#4713737 - Friday 20 July 2012 21:53

The patient was six........

Reply

skibutter | 1

#4929705 - Friday 14 September 2012 4:02

WTF HE IS 6!!!

Reply

seacadet | 18

#5251645 - Sunday 16 December 2012 6:45

*you're

Reply

zarosian | 17

#6020294 - Sunday 27 July 2014 3:05

Dumb ass

By mercedeslove | 0

#85413 - Monday 6 April 2009 1:02

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

darknut79 | 17

#1004721 - Monday 24 May 2010 2:22

But he's a hospital patient. There's another time for being cold and callous.

Reply

Macromartyr | 3

#1278096 - Saturday 21 August 2010 1:50

Yeah, I'd make the boss order more flowers, or buy more myself

Reply

linddezzy | 0

#3148243 - Saturday 20 August 2011 21:33

Oh yeah, its always great to take flowers and toys away from 6 year olds IN THE HOSPITAL!! your an ass...

Reply

ammerhammer | 3

#5480144 - Monday 6 May 2013 4:29

That's horrible!! I can only imagine what their i n the hospital for its bad enough for them already!!

Reply

Dawminator | 16

#6017158 - Thursday 24 July 2014 6:37

*in

Reply

fhfdd | 9

#6718495 - Friday 2 December 2016 14:45

He's 6 years old... he's probably learning his alphabets you think he's gonna know how the world works?

By SpunkT | 0

#85415 - Monday 6 April 2009 1:02

#2 ... a six year old? What the hell is wrong with you.

Poor kid.

Reply

StevoKing666 | 18

#6186546 - Thursday 29 January 2015 5:04

The OP got the wrong room number, they had no choice

Reply

DatBlueDerp | 13

#6584977 - Thursday 21 April 2016 4:57

They were speaking to someone who deleted their comment #171

By funplex | 0

#85417 - Monday 6 April 2009 1:03

Aww, who said they deserved it? Poor guy, it wasn't his fault.

By Serial | 2

#85418 - Monday 6 April 2009 1:03

bring her a real animal

By 14nickel | 0

#85421 - Monday 6 April 2009 1:03

2, wtf? fyl, fyl, fyl.

By MukyDaCookie | 0

#85428 - Monday 6 April 2009 1:05

#4, hes gotta learn sometime!
Didn't you see the FML about the swimming instructor who was felt up by a 6-year old?

By goodnesssss | 0

#85429 - Monday 6 April 2009 1:05

#3. the kid was in the hospital. i think it's okay if he/she doesn't learn a lesson from this. The kid has probably been through enough.

By jpelavin2626 | 0

#85449 - Monday 6 April 2009 1:11

aw, poor kid!