Health: Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder.... - FML

By forgotten - 21/09/2010 22:16 - United States

Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 058

You deserved it 7 406

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Compromises

Purr Evil

By I knew it! - 02/11/2018 17:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I woke up to 6 missed calls. I called back to find a woman asking how I know her boyfriend after seeing our texts. I told her he's been my boyfriend for 4 months, and she told me he's been hers for over a year. He vehemently denied knowing who I am as I spoke, even with obvious proof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 016

You deserved it 285

By jkass - 07/10/2011 15:07 - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by the police. The cop was my ex-boyfriend. He had no legitimate reason to pull me over, so he thoroughly checked my car. He gave me a defect notice and a fine. What for? A broken door lock, on my rear passenger door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 310

You deserved it 4 468

By katurday - 03/11/2009 15:59 - United States

Today, my landlord came over while I wasn't home. My friend and her pets were thrown out by her husband. I'm the only person she knows in this state and she begged me to stay. I reluctantly told her fine; just don't answer the door. She did, with the animals, and told him she was living here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 176

You deserved it 6 363

Ouch

By beateneggs - 02/03/2010 19:57 - United States

Today, while shopping with my mother, she handed me a frozen turkey to put in the cart, but ended up swinging it into my nuts instead. I feel like a giant battered eggplant, and I think I'm now impotent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 357

You deserved it 3 412

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 499

You deserved it 2 932

Delete your account

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 08:01 - United States - Delhi

Today, I learned that Dolph Lundgren's "daughter", Lisbeth Olofsson, is not only fictional, but a stolen identity. Who the hell have I been talking to on Facebook since 2013? FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 874

By steakysteak - 12/03/2010 15:06 - United States

Today, I got a package in the mail from my girlfriend. I was really excited until I realized that it was just a box full things that I gave to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 122

You deserved it 2 469

By uterus why - 01/02/2019 16:00

Today, I have realised that since I get laid so infrequently, every time I have sex now, it kickstarts my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 121

You deserved it 259

By lylethomes15 - 21/04/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I brought my dog to the vet for a routine surgery. The vets assured me that no dog had ever died during this procedure. Apparently my dog was the first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129 552

You deserved it 5 333

By stanDman - 21/01/2009 20:06 - Canada

Today, I sprayed hair spray under my arms instead of anti-perspirant. I didn't realize it until I went to put my shirt on and couldn't raise my arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 017

You deserved it 10 912

By killerxdeagles - 23/12/2014 02:22 - United States - Wichita

Today, I was t-boned and my truck was rendered useless. I was given a ticket even though the man who hit me ran a red light. Why? Because there was dirt on my license plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 460

You deserved it 3 079

By Anonymous - 16/05/2015 09:11 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 385

You deserved it 3 662

By Catpiss - 03/01/2018 16:30 - United States - San Bernardino

Today, I finished filling the pages in my passport. Also today, my mom's cat urinated on my backpack, soaking my passport with rancid pee. I have visas that last 10 years and can't be moved to a new passport, so I have to keep this nostril-burning booklet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 113

You deserved it 618

By Anonymous - 06/10/2018 13:30

Today, I got my very first paycheck of $129 for over 40 hours of work. I got paid roughly $3.00 an hour. Alaska minimum is $9.50 per hour, and my HR office is refusing to answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 004

You deserved it 160

By RIP job - 28/09/2016 04:26 - Australia

Today, I had a job interview for an amazing opportunity. Too bad my nerves made me forget what the role was and where it was, mid-interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 145

You deserved it 1 515

By fuckkkkk - 17/05/2015 06:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after getting my dream job and quitting old one, I was told my position is strictly "experimental" and will only last 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 420

You deserved it 3 575

By bleach - 24/03/2013 05:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought an expensive razor that's supposed to be great. My roommate asked if she could borrow it, and as her legs just looked like they needed touching up, I said sure. After a strangely long amount of time, she came back, thanked me and left. Her legs were still hairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 138

You deserved it 13 135

By oops - 22/08/2014 14:35 - Australia - Wembley

Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 506

You deserved it 50 573

All shook up

By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my crush had a girlfriend. The way I found it out? He hugged me from behind, calling her name and saying darling, etc. When I turned around in shock, he quickly backed away and said, "Sorry , I thought you were someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 81

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, I spent all day handing out flyers advertising my services as a psychic. I got only one call. The caller wanted to inform me that I had misspelt the word "psychic" on my flyer. She was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 773

You deserved it 42 474

By anonymous - 11/04/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, as I was walking into CVS, two older men outside said to me "Young lady, please consider us on your way out." Thinking they were hitting on me, I rolled my eyes and said "Screw you." When I walked back outside, I realized they were asking for AIDS donations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 504

You deserved it 86 110

By Lotje13 - 01/01/2012 00:19 - Hungary

Today, I was sleeping over at a friend's house. I went and took a shower, and as I tried to get out, the door jammed. I called my friend for help, and after much tugging, the glass shattered all over me. She panicked and sent her dad to rescue me. It was the first time he and I had met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 716

You deserved it 2 600

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 06:10 - United States - Rochester

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 480

You deserved it 22 994

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 20:06 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, my nineteen year old daughter handed me a book on raising children and said "Maybe you'll do better next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 302

You deserved it 16 443

By nerd - 18/06/2009 14:15 - Finland

Today, I was driving in my car when out of the corner of my eye I notice a car pulling up next to me trying to get past me. I speed up, so as not to let the car pass me. It took me a while before I noticed I was racing against the shadow of my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 300

You deserved it 76 094

By Fatty Fatty Fatso - 05/05/2013 00:41 - United States - Somers

Today, I learned that my mother counts my jeans as two pairs when she counts how many she's putting in for a load of wash. I've gotten that fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 597

You deserved it 39 022

Care and sympathy

By Anonymous - 14/06/2021 12:01 - United States

Today, after taking vacation time to visit her, my mom told me she was glad I was leaving so she could get back to her diet. I'm prediabetic and have been trying to manage the condition. She ordered dessert at every meal and was the only one in the family who did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 71

By steph - 20/04/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I wanted to change out of my bikini for the ride home from the beach. There wasn't a bathroom near, so I went to change in front of a suburban, parked far away from all the people. I took off my suit, hear the car's horn honk, only to find that the car was completely packed with old men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 530

You deserved it 68 948

By Anonymous - 13/03/2012 12:51 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 857

You deserved it 8 284

Next!

By Anonymous - 23/04/2020 05:00

Today, my therapist broke up with me after almost 3 years. I can’t pay people to listen to my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 262

By Noname - 29/10/2008 10:09 - Slovenia

Today, they finally took my braces off. 7 hours later I fell off my bike and chipped my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 443

You deserved it 6 388

By numbat97 - 14/06/2019 02:00 - Australia - Burswood

Today, I bought some mandarins so that there would be at least one healthy thing in my shopping basket, and I wouldn’t feel like such a fat lard at the checkout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 1 391

By N - 27/11/2012 03:13 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after being single for a while now, I unwillingly went on a blind date with a guy my friend convinced me would be perfect for me. He took me to McDonald's; his father was with him the whole entire time. He is 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 198

You deserved it 2 339

By Widowmaker - 09/08/2010 04:03 - France

Today, I told my father I registered for the Marines, and that I'm leaving for bootcamp next week. He asked if this means that he doesn't have to pay child support anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 331

You deserved it 3 495

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, my best friend, with whom I have been in love for years, kissed me, hugged me, held my hand, hooked up with me and told me that he loved me more than anything and wanted to be with me... until he sobered up and his girlfriend got back to town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 533

You deserved it 8 163

By quick blow - 16/05/2012 02:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 831

You deserved it 7 310

By Anonymous - 30/05/2015 04:23 - United States - Boaz

Today, my dad met my boyfriend. It took less than 10 seconds for him to accuse my boyfriend of being a "queer" because his handshake was "too limp". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 746

You deserved it 3 668

By peanuts - 03/07/2010 04:04 - United States

Today, my dog is mad at me due to the fact that earlier in the day I ate 2 peanut butter cookies. Apparently, they were his dog treats. I had no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 164

You deserved it 36 053

By anonymous - 04/05/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I went into work to set up a new store. There was a lot of lifting so I dressed casual. This happened to be the day the owner brought in his conservative family to check out the store. I was wearing a shirt that says "everyone poops" and has a donkey and elephant pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 325

You deserved it 60 280

Very helpful, dude

By anon - 14/06/2021 08:01

Today, I sent my husband out for baby formula and cocoa butter to soothe my boobs from breastfeeding. He came back with powdered milk and deep heat rub. AND he still wanted praise for at least having tried to get what I asked for. I would kill him, but I need his wages while I'm on maternity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 177

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:20

lol epic fail

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 4:06

Don't believe him ^^ it has not happened to everybody.

Comments

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:20

lol epic fail

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:29

that's pissy

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:33

Ydi for not controling yourself and for not having a penis. Had you had a penis, you would have been able to drive. Had you been able to drive, you would have been alone in your vehicle. Had you been alone in your vehicle, you could have pissed in a cup. Had you pissed in a cup, you would not have pissed your pants. And that's why you don't give a mouse a cookie.

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:33

that sucks i almost feel sorry for u op but here is my reaction. 

imaginaryvoice 18

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:36

Don't drink and ride

zp5 4

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:51

you got PWNED by humanity.

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:55

next time, empty your bladder?

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:59

hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 3:13

true FML right here!

allenrotstein 0

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 3:21

Believe me, it has happened to everybody!

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 4:06

Don't believe him ^^ it has not happened to everybody.

steelersjackson 0

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 4:12

I would have put it on failblog lol. but seriously you need to invest in some adult diapers!

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 5:02

well if she had a penis, her piss control boner would have shortened that story by a lot. :P

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 5:06

I liked my story better

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 5:20

That must have pissed you off.

black_knight402 0

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 6:37

63 your story was crap. I agree with the boner statement.

DineshKarthikesu 0

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 6:56

You must have been 'pee'ssed off.

goldfishdragon91 0

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 7:42

at 76...that sucked. fly op but at least you didn't pee yourself right as you got on the bus, that would suck more.

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Thursday 23 September 2010 1:08

And my friends wonder why I'm so paranoid about going to the bathroom. I don't want this to be me. :/

fyourlife1991 0

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Thursday 23 September 2010 1:21

do I look ok?

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:20

omg that sucks

bugmenotmofo 34

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 7:19

ya think

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 8:17

Sucks for the other people on the bus! they are stuck in chairs with a stranger's pee sloshing all over the floor, potentially spattering shoes and purses and trapping people on a stinky island

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 8:51

and just imagine, they'll have to face them all again the next day most likely.

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Friday 24 September 2010 1:57

81 ur a ficking whore

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 17:30

that's not nice

goldendoodle95 0

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:20

first of all, that sux!! second of all, FIRST!

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:20

SECOND

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:20

omg hahahaha that is terrible! At you held it in for that long FYL, but YDI shoulda went when you had the chance :)

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:21

gross! fyl for sure

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:21

gross! fyl for sure

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:21

It's alright mayne ... but I am FxIxRxSxT next time, piss on someone just for the heck of it.

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:22

fyl or ydi. it DEPENDS...

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:35

on what?

crazymuffinppl 0

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:54

depends, as in adult diapers.

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 6:50

lol you lose for not getting the joke

AudaciouslyInsan 0

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:22

Wow, OP that really sucks. Hope the smell came out of your clothes and your public embarrassment doesn't stick in your mind. FYL

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:37

way to go. u just reminded her of all the bad things that happened. i bet she feels real good now.

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:39

way to go. u just reminded her and i bet she feels so much better now. 

AudaciouslyInsan 0

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:41

 I will remind her each and every day till she dies.  Mwahahahaha

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 3:34

ha ha cool. 

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Friday 24 September 2010 21:10

you are hot Wana chat?

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 102

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 195

You deserved it 289