Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML
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Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML
Today, I went on a date with an amazing girl. The date was going well, until she started eating. Although her mouth was closed the entire time, she somehow still made the loudest, most disgusting chewing noises I’ve ever heard. I felt bad about dumping her over that, but I just couldn’t continue. FML
Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive." She called me a cow murderer. FML
Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML
Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me out to a fancy dinner. Halfway through, he said he wanted to break up. I started crying, but the whole restaurant thought he'd proposed, and started clapping. FML
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Top comments
FalconCrunch 4
Did you tell him to suck on your udders?
hopelessteej 8
aw! and who said romance was dead?!
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Comments (112)
thatonegirlnic 10
Didn't your mom ever tell you to chew with your mouth closed?
ripresno 10
Awkward silence is always broken by a different kind of awkward. But don't worry OP, just watch How Animals Eat Their Food on Youtube and you won't feel bad about your so called "cow chewing"!
ohjoy15 33
@#12 The t-rex, lizard, and rhinoceros impressions have me crying from laughter every time.
challan 19
Basic etiquette OP! Act like a lady, and you'll be treated as one.
iAmPaul 49
Etiquette or not, the man certainly lacked some by pointing out what he did.
Bakarra 22
Perhaps he had just listened to a particular internet song and didnt want to finish last..."Wait, let me speak your language, cows go moooooo." Name that tune :D
riack 2
Nice guys finish last!
crammer1 6
Has nothing to do with being a "lady." Women AND men shouldn't eat like a cow.
gracehi 31
Cows have 9 stomachs. I don't have a joke for it, but at least you learned something.
gracehi 31
I lied. Should have looked that up first. Cows have 4 digestive compartments unconnected to form one stomach. Well, you still learned something...
gracehi 31
*interconnected. I hate you, Swype. May you burn in the eternal fires of damnation.
Ambiguous404 6
Unconnected sounded better
CrissyyyS2 22
I don't know about anyone else... but chewing like a cow is really unattractive. And the chewing sound is very irritating :/
EUPHORlA 12
It is, but it was rude of him to make a comment about it...
Zebediabolical 43
It's not rude to comment on it, how else are you supposed to make someone aware of an aberrant behavior? But he could have chosen a more tactful way to say it.
EUPHORlA 12
But a person he JUST met? It was rude because he should've waited longer to make such a comment.
crammer1 6
I don't really think there is a "certain" time when the comment will come off as less offensive. She's just not going to like hearing that ever. That being said, if it drives the guy crazy, he has every right to say something. It might even help her on future dates. I know I wouldn't want another date with a guy that eats like a pig.
CrissyyyS2 22
My friend had to do a speech about his pet peeve. You guessed it, its chewing with your mouth open. I agree its rude to say that because of awkward silence. But hey, atleast she now knows and next time on another date she'll be aware of how she eats.
Zebediabolical 43
I agree he should have waited longer. Like until after he sexed her later that night.
Ducreaux 7
That was udderly rude of him
Fluffydemise 18
Crazy as it is, some people really get finicky about the little things. You know, silly things like table manners and basic politeness. Certainly it is a FYL and not the guy that had to watch you eat!
HortonThelephant 15
Udderly ridiculous OP! You cud of prevented this if you would have mooved your jaw a little less when grazing. Hope you at least milked a free meal out of him before he herded you out the door.
kelseeinez 10
Do you chew with your mouth open? :|
babeababe 16
That is actually one of my biggest pet peeves. Chew with your mouth closed. I hate it when people chew with their mouth open and make that awful smacking sound. Maybe he should've been a bit nicer about it. But I think you deserved this one.