Health: Today, I was mowing my grandma's lawn when I was suddenly swarmed...

By bees - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was mowing my grandma's lawn when I was suddenly swarmed by bees. When my grandma saw me covered in stings later on, she said, "Oh yeah, there are tons of bees in the grass! Be careful!" FML

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Health

Dementia or hate? You decide

People are strange

Deadbeat

By Anonymous - Italy - Cervignano Del Friuli

Today, I found out that I won't be able to attend my own wedding, because I'll be in a mandatory training class that doesn't allow people to take vacation for any reason. So now we've wasted $10,000, and I can't even fly home for one day. All because I got promoted unexpectedly. FML

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By confusedbagel - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother called me a "wasteful child" because I threw up my lunch. FML

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32791

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By deee21 - Australia

Today, while resting in bed, I felt a slight tickle on my neck. Thinking it was a cockroach, I panicked and flung it across the bedroom. Turns out it was my brand new necklace, which is now broken into dozens of pieces. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, because of the gas crisis in my state, we had to stop taking delivers at the pizza place I work at. Someone asked if we could walk it to them. My manager agreed. FML

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By hitchhiked - United States

Today, I picked up a hitchhiker. He was well dressed, and seemed trustworthy. As soon as he got in, he pulled out a gun and stole my wallet and car. All of this occurred in front of a sign warning against picking up hitchhikers. FML

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By Anonymous - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML

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By gottapee - United States

Today, I stepped outdoors for a minute. The wind blew the door shut, locking me outside. I've spent the last two hours pounding frantically on the windows, trying to wake my 4 year old son who is inside. I can see him sleeping soundly on the couch. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bury

Today, I was reassuring my girlfriend that I wasn't cheating on her because I was sneaking around. I'm actually just planning a surprise birthday party for her. During the reassuring, I accidentally called her another girl's name. FML

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By clothesthief - Australia - Ivanhoe

Today, I finally had nice enough weather to dry my clothes on the washing line. Two hours later, all my clothes were stolen. FML

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By I Like My Cat - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I found out that the tinsel on my Christmas tree is worth a couple of hundred euros per strand. Well, that's how much the two that were surgically removed from my cat have cost me. At least the cat's going to be fine. FML

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By ZPyRoGoDz - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked why, she replied with "You don't go out anymore. All you do is lay in bed." I've had the flu for the past week. FML

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39318

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By yosmurf

Today, my son proudly announced to me that he has been learning to cut out shapes at school, and that he'd cut out some ovals and wanted to show me. He showed me the pictures of Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson and Jackson and their corresponding bills. FML

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By dreefsa - United States

Today, some guy hit my car and then threatened to sue me for "parking my car in such a way that it was impossible not to hit it." My car was in the driveway. FML

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By SolaceInRage - United States - Wilmette

Today, I tossed half a sausage to a dog sitting beside a park bench. It wasn't until he lunged for it and dragged the man beside him off of the bench that I realized it was a seeing eye dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2021 11:01

No sex, lots of violins

Today, my violin broke and I have a recital coming up. I gave it to my friend to give it to the luthier and the luthier has fixed it. I asked my friend to return it to me and they became angry I was asking for too many favours. My recital is tomorrow and I can't get my hands on a violin for at least another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

748

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By Tenniemo - United States

Today, while packing up my classroom, I had a sudden stinging pain in my finger. Since I live in Arizona, my first thought was a black widow or scorpion, but the ER doctor didn't believe me and said it's nothing. Tell that to my tingling swollen arm. It’s been 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3663

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By not_so_sweet_sixteen - United States

Today, was my sixteenth birthday. I was hoping to get a car. Instead, my parents got me a 3 month membership at the gym so I can lose weight. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2020 20:01

A ghost

Today, I'm stuck in quarantine and my friends are planning stuff like swimming without me in our group chat, instead of doing it in another chat group. It's like I don't even exist. FML

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1269

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By squarecircles - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while working at my unfulfilling part-time job, my colleague said, "Are you aware of how much you sigh?" And then she said, "You're too young for that." So, am I supposed to hold my breath now? FML

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1430

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By jan420 - Norway - Moss

Today, I paid a surprise visit to my parents, after having moved out for university last year. My room had been stripped bare and all the family photos featuring me were missing from the wall. When I asked why, my mom asked me in return why I was asking stupid questions. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2021 08:01 - United Kingdom - Leeds

It's a cult

Today, I found out via Facebook that my once-favourite aunt has fully bought into the QAnon bullshit about the "stolen" US election, bible quotes and all. We live in the UK. FML

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858

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By Caeru - United States

Dumbass idea

Today, my mother tried to tell me that nicotine is the only substance that ensures weight loss, and that nicotine has been passed down in our family for over 5 generations of heavy smoking relatives. Then she encouraged me to start smoking. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

Today, I bought a treadmill as part of my goal to get fit for summer. It doesn't look like it's going to get much use, seeing as how I sprained my ankle trying to get it in my doorway. FML

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12444

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By Amrit - 3/4/2021 01:01 - United Kingdom

Eastenders

Today, I found out that a few years ago, when I lost my kids to my ex-wife, it was because my current wife secretly hated having to be their stepmom, so she conspired with my ex to ruin the custody hearing in my ex's favour. FML

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1633

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By Cygnus - United States - Ruthven

Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

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25703

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By Poly24 - France - La Courneuve

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

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53999

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By bnc - United States - Jefferson City

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

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47941

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By super maman - France - Montauban

Today, in a supermarket, my four-year-old son whispered to me, asking if the checkout lady was able to wash between her fat rolls. She heard. FML

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By cchandler - United States

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

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36234

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By Anonymous - United States - Santee

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

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40863

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By Anonymous

BURN

Today, at work, I cashed out a sweet old lady. As I handed her the bag, she looked at me kindly and said, “Don’t worry sweetie. It will get better!” to which I responded, “What will get better?” She smiled at me and said, “Your face.” FML

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By SmileEveryday - United States

Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance. It's one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I'm waiting in his driveway with balloons I see his car reverse and go the other direction. FML

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91914

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By lizard - Canada

Today, my dad walked in to the arena where I was watching a hockey game with my boyfriend and his friends. My dad was wearing a crazy grey mohawk wig/hat. Meanwhile, my boyfriend just finished telling me how embarassing it would be to be that guy's kid. FML

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By Emily - 5/4/2021 20:00 - United States - Greenville

Not you, her

Today, I told the guy I liked about my feelings, and he says, "Sorry I don’t like you, but can I get your sister's number?" FML

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By Cinnamon - Jamaica

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her. With my own sister. FML

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50013

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By thenewgirl - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML

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By manicmandy - United States

Today, I learned that ice cubes do not cool down hot oil. Instead, it causes a massive explosion of hot grease to splatter all over my parents' kitchen. FML

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10477

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By kanmcdan

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a Snowshoeing date. I felt sick and suggested we turn back. He said I could wait in the car and continued on the date alone. He was gone for hours, while I was stuck alone in a national park with no cell reception, food, or water. FML

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Top comments

By dweeds508 | 24

#6085205 - Thursday 9 October 2014 15:59

Just a little late to warn you

By BadApple88 | 29

#6085207 - Thursday 9 October 2014 16:00

Good thing you're not allergic

COMMENTS

By dweeds508 | 24

#6085205 - Thursday 9 October 2014 15:59

Just a little late to warn you

supernerd95 | 17

#6085327 - Thursday 9 October 2014 17:40

at least he got warned!.. XD lol

mohamed_H | 21

#6085416 - Thursday 9 October 2014 19:28

Yeah but what's the point after the damage has already been done ?

By BadApple88 | 29

#6085207 - Thursday 9 October 2014 16:00

Good thing you're not allergic

notsoanonymous3 | 20

#6085530 - Thursday 9 October 2014 22:49

Um, you don't know that!

Ichiya | 29

#6085578 - Thursday 9 October 2014 23:48

If he was it would be a very different fml. "Today I nearly died because my grandma forgot to mention the bees before I mowed her lawn. FML"

By JMichael | 25

#6085209 - Thursday 9 October 2014 16:01

Too fricking late grandma...

littleteapot | 21

#6085365 - Thursday 9 October 2014 18:25

Better late than never! .... or does that not work here?

badluckalex | 23

#6085464 - Thursday 9 October 2014 20:19

no.

beserker81 | 12

#6085673 - Friday 10 October 2014 2:58

It doesn't #33

By UnidentifiedFun | 37

#6085211 - Thursday 9 October 2014 16:01

Hindsight is 20/20, OP.

By Kindroth | 12

#6085216 - Thursday 9 October 2014 16:03

Geez that sounds painful, hope you are alright.

By PrincessCastiel | 27

#6085221 - Thursday 9 October 2014 16:05

She should've told you to bee careful earlier. Sorry OP!

By devildog562 | 33

#6085222 - Thursday 9 October 2014 16:06

Haha just bee yourself op and bee very careful! Your grandma is awesome but I'm sorry you got stung.

Enslaved | 36

#6085272 - Thursday 9 October 2014 16:46

Yeah, especially if OP was stung on their boo-bees. :O

devildog562 | 33

#6085451 - Thursday 9 October 2014 20:03

Enslaved, you win this thread . Well played .

Ichiya | 29

#6085580 - Thursday 9 October 2014 23:49

Boo-bees are the best kind of bees.

By WadeNickerson | 16

#6085223 - Thursday 9 October 2014 16:06

To the one person who voted YDI on this FML so far... Fuck you.

Akouseur | 7

#6085283 - Thursday 9 October 2014 17:06

People vote "YDI" without even looking at the FML, like they'll just go down the page and keep clicking "YDI"

By llamarrama01 | 21

#6085230 - Thursday 9 October 2014 16:08

You must bee pretty pissed.

By annarcheer | 19

#6085237 - Thursday 9 October 2014 16:11

maybe she forgot