Animals: Today, a bee landed on my leg. I didn't realize it was there...

By hulagirl1217 - United States

Today, a bee landed on my leg. I didn't realize it was there until my friend yelled out, "Bee!" kicked me in the leg, and ran off. I fell to the ground screaming and clutching my leg. She missed the bee and it still stung me. FML

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Animals

Like riding a bike

Go anyway, see the sights

Slasher

By grant b - United States

Today, my boss asked if he could pay me in guns. FML

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By Ltl_Dust_Bunny - United States

Today, I met a cute guy for coffee. Everything was going fine, right up until he started telling me about his alien encounters and super psychic powers. FML

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By ToTeachorNottoTeach - 2/9/2020 20:01 - United States - Los Angeles

The best of times, the worst of times

Today, I'm a teacher in the middle of a pandemic. Half my students haven't shown up to my class. The other half don't do any assignments. I keep my job based on how well my students do. FML

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By Revelyn - United States - Compton

Today, I went to get my first acupuncture. The doctor was a cute Korean woman, so I tried to start a conversation. When she pricked me with a needle near the tailbone, I involuntarily let one loose and saw her gag. FML

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By sarahpft - United States

Today, my parents told me they wouldn't be able to afford my senior portraits. That was fine with me, until I found some expensive professional photos in the mail. Of our dog. FML

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By whiskey'swino

Today, while working in a dark nightclub, I dropped a red charger. Retracing my steps, I found it, or so I thought until I picked up a used tampon. FML

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By pathetic - Canada

Today, while getting ready for work I realized all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale which confirmed I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

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By jonjon - United States

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

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By klm878 - United States

Today, at work, my manager fell in front of an entire lobby full of people on a wet floor. I'm the only one who burst out laughing. Turns out she has a broken arm. FML

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By Fire_Crotch - Canada

Today, I turned the shower on the hottest setting so it would warm up quickly. I started to sing and dance around the bathroom. I got too carried away and pelvic thrusted the water, which I hadn't turned back down. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I had the house to myself, and I started talking to myself and singing at full volume. When I went to use the bathroom, I found my constipated cousin looking at me strangely. FML

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By mavrick127 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I finally had the chance to have sex with my crush. Too bad I couldn't get an erection. FML

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By BornInTheWrongEra - United States

Today, my neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear my "shit music" through my window during the afternoon, so I turned it off. They then began to play their definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blasted Nicki Minaj. FML

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By phantomdriver - Canada

Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge... while we were crossing a river. FML

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By nicole - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML

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By andthatshowitgoes - United States

Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why, he said, "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied." FML

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By desocrates - United States

Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML

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By big steve - United States

Today, I had to call AAA for the fifth time in two months. When the driver got out, I instantly recognized him. It was the same guy who helped me out all the previous occasions. When he saw me, he snorted and doubled over laughing. FML

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By StinkFoot

Today, I was pet sitting for a friend. As soon as I walked in the door, I stepped in dog poop. I took off my shoes to clean them, then stepped in cat pee in my socks. FML

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By Disgusted - United States

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. I also found out from her husband that she has her nipples and nether regions pierced. FML

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By Chanman1924 - United States

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML

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By ihatepokemon - United States

Today, my boyfriend got angry because I laughed when he asked me if he should retire from being a Pokemon Trainer. He was serious. He's also 21. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, while showering in my dorm, a hand reaches through the curtain and grabs my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized and he had sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML

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By Vomit

Today, we had a patient projectile vomiting in our ambulance. I didn't know she had puked on our cot until I found it with my bare hand at the hospital. FML

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By losingstreak - United States

Caught

Today, I was looking at porn on my laptop when my mom came into my room to talk to me. After she finished what she was saying, she paused and said, "You know, I can see the reflection of your computer screen in your glasses." FML

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By NotSoSick - United States

Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML

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By cjhgvb - Canada - Halifax

Today, I found out it is possible to get whiplash and a concussion from a tickle fight you have with your boyfriend. FML

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By heathen atheist - 17/9/2020 10:01

Witnessed

Today, during a family road trip, my mom decided to spring a surprise conversion on us. This included screaming bible verses, blasting crazy gospel music and sobbing that we needed to repent before we’re all condemned to hell for eternity. She did this for 4 hours straight. FML

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By Bob - United States - New Bedford

Today, after saving for months to have a few hundred bucks set aside, the government sent me a car tax bill from 2010. Yep, 8 years ago. They want the interest on the bill too. Broke again. FML

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By anon - United States - Spencer

Today, I found out that my crush of a few years likes me. How? Her boyfriend told me, followed by a punch in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went swimming with this guy I like at dammed river. While we were jumping off the dam, I decided to try to impress him by doing a front flip. I didn't jump far enough off, so when I went to flip, my face skidded down the concrete wall. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Allen

Today, I got screamed and honked at by a driver who felt I was in the way of his turn. I was on foot, and on the sidewalk. FML

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By Jackie Campbell - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using the "it's not you, it's me" speech with a slight variation, saying instead, "It's not me, it's you. And yes, I meant to say it that way round." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I watched The Omen with my father. Halfway through driving me back home, he stopped the car and made me get out right there in a rough part of town. Fifteen minutes later, he drove up beside me, laughed hysterically at how terrified I was, and told me to get in. FML

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By Wouldntitbeniceif - United States

Today, I went for a hike with the local search and rescue volunteer group that I recently joined. I got lost and spent 5 hours wandering aimlessly. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Iowa City

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

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By Sarah220 - United States

Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML

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By phonemenace - United States

Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML

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Top comments

By nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1011582 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:00

The next time you see her, claim there's an imaginary bee on her leg and kick her shins.

By bluelahve | 0

#1011598 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:04

Haha when you see bees you're not supposed to flip out, especially if they've landed on you. Remain calm or else you'll just piss them off and get stung!

COMMENTS

By nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1011582 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:00

The next time you see her, claim there's an imaginary bee on her leg and kick her shins.

cincin75 | 0

#1011601 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:04

wow u looks just like a magic,cute face & amazing body. 

cincin75 | 0

#1011607 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:07

wow u looks just like a magic,cute face & amazing body. 

cincin75 | 0

#1011618 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:09

wow u looks just like a magic,cute face & amazing body. 

RaIeigh | 0

#1011654 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:31

#3 - Hah, or chopblock the back of her leg (:

ilikepie789 | 0

#1011655 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:32

heard you the first time

BoWZeR | 1

#1011695 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:55

she's ugly flat and probably loose

nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1011741 - Saturday 29 May 2010 21:26

#47 Why insult me? I've done nothing to you, so I honestly don't see any reason for you to personally attack me.

illmatic2 | 16

#1011779 - Saturday 29 May 2010 21:50

58- he is probably just jealous.

sourgirl101 | 28

#1011789 - Saturday 29 May 2010 21:57

Nerds you know you're hot so don't worry about one stupid idiot. Look one guy above had to say it 3 times in a row:)

RokstaRx88 | 0

#1011822 - Saturday 29 May 2010 22:27

eating Billy goats is definitely a favorite passtime of most ppl on this site

nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1011835 - Saturday 29 May 2010 22:36

#22, #66, #69 Well thanks, guys! Haha :)

#35 Haha! YESSSS.

#75 What?!

RokstaRx88 | 0

#1011928 - Saturday 29 May 2010 23:35

you know the story of the troll that lives under a bridge and eats billygoats

nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1011941 - Saturday 29 May 2010 23:44

#81 Aww, thank you! That's sweet :)
#90 Ohh! Haha. :P

coolbeens76 | 0

#1012301 - Sunday 30 May 2010 7:33

47 is super gay and jelous of her nice body

puggfuggly | 0

#1013470 - Monday 31 May 2010 7:22

lol I don't understand Cincin when he says you looks like a magic but sure it's a co
pliment :P
anyway you are cute, but look kinda young in the pic

By MissRachieee | 3

#1011583 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:00

FYL.

By WolfsGuns | 0

#1011584 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:00

FUCK ANTI-FLOOD!!!

By WolfsGuns | 0

#1011585 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:00

FUCK ANTI-FLOOD!!!!!!

As1LayDying | 4

#1011982 - Sunday 30 May 2010 0:49

^^ WIN

By luckytexan | 7

#1011587 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:01

this made me laugh. yay for me. sux for you.

By cincin75 | 0

#1011588 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:01

Tell your friend just learn some Kungfu before kick a bee on someone's leg. 

By verymerry | 6

#1011594 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:03

lmao agreed get friends with better reflexes.
if u put bleach on it it won't hurt anymore! I promise that's what I used to do.

By bluelahve | 0

#1011598 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:04

Haha when you see bees you're not supposed to flip out, especially if they've landed on you. Remain calm or else you'll just piss them off and get stung!