Today, a bee landed on my leg. I didn't realize it was there...

By hulagirl1217 - 29/5/2010 12:11 - United States

Today, a bee landed on my leg. I didn't realize it was there until my friend yelled out, "Bee!" kicked me in the leg, and ran off. I fell to the ground screaming and clutching my leg. She missed the bee and it still stung me. FML

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Animals

Rock, hard place

Season finale

Noise

By Anonymous - 8/10/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I went upstairs to scold my boys for running in the house because someone could get hurt. As I turned around to come back downstairs I tripped and fell all the way down to the landing at the bottom. I could hear them laughing in their rooms. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/3/2011 18:33 - United States

Today, I noticed my new neighbor had taken the liberty of putting up signs all around their lawn overnight. There are at least a dozen signs detailing the various reasons everyone on the planet is condemned to hell. FML

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By oldlady - 8/11/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, after a trip to my doctor I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I'm a 17 year old guy. FML

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By tampondealer - 9/11/2009 18:42 - Canada

Today, after visiting my mom, she stuffed a bunch of pads in my backpack so I'd have some at my dorm. When I was going through security, I was stopped and ended up missing my flight. Apparently the jumbo pads my mom sent look exactly like packs of cocaine when they go through the X-ray machine. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2009 19:41 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the hospital. This lady was calling the Nurses' Station, and I had to go see what she wanted. When I asked her what she needed, she mumbled something. As I leaned in closer to hear what she was saying, she threw up all over my face. Apparently, she was nauseous. FML

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By besviken - 18/11/2012 22:53 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

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By diva467 - 3/10/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I was on a date with a guy having a great time. I went up to go to the ladies' room, but as I walked back to the table, I heard some giggles. I looked and found out why. My skirt was tucked into my underwear. I was wearing my lucky Star Wars-themed panties. FML

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By sillystring - 13/10/2009 10:09 - China

Today, as I was walking home, a friend passed me by on his moped, and sprayed a bunch of silly string at me. Unfortunately, he hit me in the eye, temporarily blinding me. As I stumbled around blind, I accidentally knocked a bunch of 3 year olds off their bikes, causing them to cry. FML

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By avoid the sour cream - 30/12/2013 06:14 - United States

Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML

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By Unnoticed - 27/7/2017 06:30 - Australia - Thornlie

Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML

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By EvictingItSoon - 8/3/2020 23:07

The miracle of barf

Today, what I thought was food poisoning is actually a baby. FML

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By anonymous198913 - 4/2/2017 12:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how to play "Happy Birthday" on the guitar, just to have my friend tell me that my voice sucks, and that I needed to stop immediately. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/10/2015 13:25 - United States - Evansville

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a little over a week proposed to me. FML

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By mottephobe - 6/4/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

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By Anonim23 - 25/6/2019 00:15

Today, I finally decided to go talk to my upstairs neighbour about the loud banging noises he makes every single morning around 8 a.m. It worked. Now he starts at 7 a.m. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 07:08 - Canada

Today, while taking a shower, I noticed that I had forgotten to shave my pits. I went to a party last night, and there are now several Facebook pictures of me dancing, with my arms up and my hairy pits showing for the world to see. FML

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By boyfriend123 - 18/8/2011 10:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 am because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML

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By Stop being healthy - 22/4/2017 22:00

Today, and every other day this week, I brought carrots and celery into work to eat as a snack instead of chocolate. I got back from lunch to find a note on my desk saying, "Do you really think it's OK to eat carrots and celery that loudly every day?" Guess I won't try to be healthy. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2011 17:18 - Philippines

Today, I wanted to do something special for my upcoming second anniversary with my girlfriend, so I decided to make a short animation of our lives together since we were preschoolers. In the middle of working on the storyboard, she called and broke up with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2013 06:19 - United States - New Castle

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML

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By Awkward - 4/2/2010 16:03 - France

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, claiming moving in was a bad idea and he is the type who needs his privacy. It was his idea to move in, he had to convince me. Now we are stuck, under lease together for the next 6 months. FML

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By mintypoison - 14/11/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML

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By snore - 19/4/2014 20:12 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I was feeling really depressed and ended up asking my mom why guys aren't interested in me. She replied with a laundry list of reasons, including, "Hair. Boobs. Face. Everything." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2011 19:57 - Australia

Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML

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By ugh - 9/1/2013 01:01 - United States - Saint Clair Shores

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

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By Mick_The_Disappointment - 11/12/2018 15:30

Today, my mother once again called me to remind me what a disappointment I am despite having two degrees, a house, a professional job and having never been unemployed at 25. FML

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By a.white - 11/12/2013 11:58 - United States - Cheltenham

Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2014 21:50 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2014 10:11 - United States - San Jose

Today, my mom found out that I've been having counselling behind her back for the past 4 years. I broke down in tears explaining everything. Her response was, "So you go and bitch about me behind my back?!" And she wonders why I'm depressed. FML

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By embarrassment - 12/6/2009 13:46 - Canada

Today, I went to a family dinner. While waiting to be seated, a guy walked by and I looked to see if he was hot. Then my grandma yelled, "Get your eyeballs back in your head and quit staring at boys!" The whole restaurant heard her. Including the guy. And yes, he was hot. FML

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By MissCan'tKeepAJob - 23/8/2011 16:18 - United States

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

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By HiRveryone - 5/3/2018 19:08 - United States - Centre

Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML

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By xXshitface4uXx - 25/7/2014 22:46 - New Zealand - Rotorua

Today, my dad asked me how I would feel about going on an all-expenses-paid, month-long holiday to the Caribbean. I was ecstatic and broke into tears of joy, saying I'd love it. He replied, "Yeah, me too. Shame it ain't happening!" then left for work, laughing his arse off. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2019 02:00

Today, I stubbed my toe, and as I was hopping about clutching my toe and swearing like a drunken sailor, I turned and saw my boss, our CEO and pretty much the entire board of directors through the boardroom's open door. FML

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By Dan - 9/11/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I got a call from my ex asking if I could fix her computer. I brought my 7 year old son with me. On the way I told him, how I hated her, but I can't be rude. Once we get there, I say to her "it's nice to see you." My son says "but I thought you said you want her to fall off a bridge?" FML

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By WTFLY - 23/3/2013 08:17 - United States - Hilo

Today, a small fly flew straight up into my nose. I spent 10 minutes trying to blow/scratch/pick it out to no avail. I can still feel it moving. FML

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By CatLady - 16/6/2017 04:00

Today, I was having dinner at a restaurant with my best friend and her 18-month-old. I really had to fart, so I let one go silently, hoping it would go unnoticed. I caught a whiff of it, but so did my friend apparently, because she made a face and then held up her baby to smell her diaper. FML

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By pon-3 - 22/6/2012 21:13 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time. Their justification for giving me up for adoption was that I wasn't conceived at the ideal time for them. Apparently, the ideal time was six months after the adoption, when they conceived the first of my two brothers. FML

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By Whoops - 28/1/2010 20:21 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML

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By NotChadKrouger - 11/5/2011 15:19

Today, I was auditioning for a talent show. I asked my girlfriend if I could sing to her before I went. She said sure. Thirty seconds in, she got up and mumbled, "You're only going to embarrass yourself." FML

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Top comments

By nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1011582 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:00

The next time you see her, claim there's an imaginary bee on her leg and kick her shins.

By bluelahve | 0

#1011598 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:04

Haha when you see bees you're not supposed to flip out, especially if they've landed on you. Remain calm or else you'll just piss them off and get stung!

COMMENTS

By nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1011582 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:00

The next time you see her, claim there's an imaginary bee on her leg and kick her shins.

cincin75 | 0

#1011601 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:04

wow u looks just like a magic,cute face & amazing body. 

cincin75 | 0

#1011607 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:07

wow u looks just like a magic,cute face & amazing body. 

cincin75 | 0

#1011618 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:09

wow u looks just like a magic,cute face & amazing body. 

RaIeigh | 0

#1011654 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:31

#3 - Hah, or chopblock the back of her leg (:

ilikepie789 | 0

#1011655 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:32

heard you the first time

BoWZeR | 1

#1011695 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:55

she's ugly flat and probably loose

nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1011741 - Saturday 29 May 2010 21:26

#47 Why insult me? I've done nothing to you, so I honestly don't see any reason for you to personally attack me.

illmatic2 | 16

#1011779 - Saturday 29 May 2010 21:50

58- he is probably just jealous.

sourgirl101 | 28

#1011789 - Saturday 29 May 2010 21:57

Nerds you know you're hot so don't worry about one stupid idiot. Look one guy above had to say it 3 times in a row:)

RokstaRx88 | 0

#1011822 - Saturday 29 May 2010 22:27

eating Billy goats is definitely a favorite passtime of most ppl on this site

nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1011835 - Saturday 29 May 2010 22:36

#22, #66, #69 Well thanks, guys! Haha :)

#35 Haha! YESSSS.

#75 What?!

RokstaRx88 | 0

#1011928 - Saturday 29 May 2010 23:35

you know the story of the troll that lives under a bridge and eats billygoats

nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1011941 - Saturday 29 May 2010 23:44

#81 Aww, thank you! That's sweet :)
#90 Ohh! Haha. :P

coolbeens76 | 0

#1012301 - Sunday 30 May 2010 7:33

47 is super gay and jelous of her nice body

puggfuggly | 0

#1013470 - Monday 31 May 2010 7:22

lol I don't understand Cincin when he says you looks like a magic but sure it's a co
pliment :P
anyway you are cute, but look kinda young in the pic

By MissRachieee | 3

#1011583 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:00

FYL.

By WolfsGuns | 0

#1011584 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:00

FUCK ANTI-FLOOD!!!

By WolfsGuns | 0

#1011585 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:00

FUCK ANTI-FLOOD!!!!!!

As1LayDying | 4

#1011982 - Sunday 30 May 2010 0:49

^^ WIN

By luckytexan | 7

#1011587 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:01

this made me laugh. yay for me. sux for you.

By cincin75 | 0

#1011588 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:01

Tell your friend just learn some Kungfu before kick a bee on someone's leg. 

By verymerry | 6

#1011594 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:03

lmao agreed get friends with better reflexes.
if u put bleach on it it won't hurt anymore! I promise that's what I used to do.

By bluelahve | 0

#1011598 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:04

Haha when you see bees you're not supposed to flip out, especially if they've landed on you. Remain calm or else you'll just piss them off and get stung!