Animals: Today, a bee landed on my leg. I didn't realize it was there...

By hulagirl1217 - 29/05/2010 12:11 - United States

Today, a bee landed on my leg. I didn't realize it was there until my friend yelled out, "Bee!" kicked me in the leg, and ran off. I fell to the ground screaming and clutching my leg. She missed the bee and it still stung me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 514

You deserved it 2 921

Animals

Leave us alone

Beggars can be choosers

Quite the journey

By Mb13 - 21/12/2016 20:02

Today, I got my nipples pierced. Momentarily forgetting about the piercings, I started to lather up with my loofa. Shark week in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 296

You deserved it 4 956

By Anonymous - 16/09/2012 01:29 - United States

Today, for the first time in a week, a customer entered my store. He needed to use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 415

You deserved it 2 363

By oopsydaddy - 14/08/2018 06:00

Today, my dad asked my help with a computer problem. Whenever he logged on Facebook, every single advertisement appeared to be hardcore porn. I had to awkwardly explain that these ads are based on his browsing habits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 703

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 16/08/2014 02:16 - Australia - Notting Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me. I asked why, and he said "Because sometimes you look good, and you buy me stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 906

You deserved it 7 224

Contact tracing

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Mechanicsburg

Today, I woke up to a text from my girlfriend telling me to call when I wake up. Turns out she had one of her friends over who tested positive for Covid and I was just at her house, so now I’m forced to quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 228

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 399

You deserved it 4 658

By ieatoreos - 11/03/2011 11:28

Today, an aunt that I'd had a massive falling out with passed away. My entire extended family refuses to speak to me, because they think I "had something to do with it". I live several hundred miles from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 169

You deserved it 2 951

By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 00:33 - United Kingdom - Knowle

Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 363

You deserved it 6 724

By Failed Parent - 11/10/2012 06:59 - United States

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 846

You deserved it 4 617

Witnessed

By heathen atheist - 17/09/2020 10:01

Today, during a family road trip, my mom decided to spring a surprise conversion on us. This included screaming bible verses, blasting crazy gospel music and sobbing that we needed to repent before we’re all condemned to hell for eternity. She did this for 4 hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 216

You deserved it 213

By frgn8r - 31/05/2010 11:59 - Australia

Today, my friends and I finished a 2 day, 40km bush walk. We parked a car at the finish of the track and drove another car to the start, so we could drive back and pick it up when we finished. At the end of the trek, I realised I had left the keys for the second car in the first car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 126

You deserved it 35 884

By Anonymous - 26/07/2018 01:30

Today, while bringing my baby an early-morning bottle, I tripped over a ball and fell into the glass coffee table, smashing it and cutting myself pretty badly. My husband slept through the whole thing, but the neighbors came by to tell me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 769

You deserved it 251

By llozano715 - 13/09/2010 05:41 - France

Today, I got the car of my dreams. My daughter also learned how to write her name. Now I have "LAUREN" across the side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 119

You deserved it 4 796

By moosemay - 19/01/2016 17:03 - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter to the dentist for her first check-up. We were at the front desk when she tripped, fell and chipped her front tooth on the marble floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 160

You deserved it 1 501

By Toolate - 21/12/2016 12:26

Today, after having gone off the pill a couple of weeks ago, I finally got my old friskiness back only to find part of a condom wrapper in my husband's pocket. Turns out he was impatient and went elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 560

You deserved it 1 320

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 14:00 - Canada

Today, my brother spent the whole day making a harpoon out of an old Tiki torch to bring on vacation with us to Sauble Beach, and he plans on using this contraption. On the beach. With all of us there to watch. He's 17 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 184

By carebear1228 - 01/07/2014 17:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 952

You deserved it 4 752

By Mayo - 04/12/2018 13:30

Today, I met one of my favorite fitness models. She told me I need to get in shape. I weigh 150lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 350

You deserved it 401

Poisoned chalice

By Anonymous - 27/04/2020 08:00

Today, I inherited a lot of money from a great aunt that I had forgotten about. Her immediate family are all scumbags who were only after her money, so she willed it to me and my mom to say "fuck you" to them from beyond the grave. Now I keep getting threatening phone calls. Thanks auntie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 941

You deserved it 423

By Tommy - 06/03/2012 18:55 - United States

Today, I approached the girl I like, hoping to ask her out. Just as I strode up to her, she excused herself as quickly as she could. I then realized I'd forgotten to zip up my pants after going to the bathroom minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 747

You deserved it 23 288

Bunch of bankers, the lot of them

By Alyce - 06/11/2020 02:08 - United States - Lewistown

Today, I went to deposit a check, only for them to accidentally deduct the whole thing from my account. I didn't notice this until I went to buy groceries, after the bank had closed. I'm in negative numbers and will get an overdraft charge by the time I can get it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 71

By TankTankTank - 11/09/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, my fiancée broke up with me because I "don't know what I'm doing with my future". I've done four years in the Marines and am in the process of becoming an officer. She has a film degree which she has no interest in, works at the mall, and just moved back in with her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 601

You deserved it 3 450

By holler - 15/09/2011 04:22 - Japan

Today, I had my parents over at my new apartment. As I was telling them how quiet and peaceful my new place is, we could hear my neighbors talking nasty to each other before launching into a full-blown sex ordeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 046

You deserved it 3 130

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 19:28 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 616

You deserved it 9 808

By lalalalalala - 17/03/2011 16:56 - United States

Today, I was excited to have a window seat on my three hour flight to New York. When I got to my row, I noticed the screaming newborn occupying the seat in front of me, and a pair of toddlers behind me. I then looked to my seat to find I have no window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 732

You deserved it 3 715

Men and their balls

By Anonymous - 02/03/2021 05:01

Today, five years after the birth of our last child, my husband still hasn't gotten the vasectomy he swore he would get. He wouldn't let me get my tubes tied, because it was "the least he could do," but when I ask about it, I'm a nag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 176

By Anonymous - 07/03/2013 03:14 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I met a guy in a bar. He was sweet and funny so I asked him out for coffee later. He quickly turned me down, saying that I didn't even meet his first requirement. His first requirement was "looks like a girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 295

You deserved it 4 393

By grubbieduc - 06/10/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 512

You deserved it 2 768

By Investing in Toilet Seatbelts - 14/02/2015 09:46 - United States - Sparks

Today, my youngest daughter finally started using the toilet on her own. That is, until her older sister showed her the South Park episode where someone gets their intestines sucked out by flushing the toilet. Now she won't go anywhere near the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 293

You deserved it 3 609

By toadface - 04/08/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 452

You deserved it 7 946

Same

By Anonymous - 08/01/2015 14:24 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 860

You deserved it 6 050

By TecheyTim - 01/04/2015 17:46 - United States - Latham

Today, a coworker and I pulled a April Fools' joke on our boss. She "borrowed" his keys and rolled down his window. I took a car window from a scrap yard and sprinkled it on the ground near his door. His response was to kick the nearest object in anger. The nearest object happened to be my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 208

You deserved it 11 501

Thermoregulation wars

By NoCirculation - 24/11/2020 14:03 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my boyfriend is wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I'm wearing leggings, sweatpants, a vest, t-shirt, jumper and hoodie. If we turn the heating any higher, he starts overheating and sweating. At the current level, I'm still shivering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 263

By outoflove - 30/06/2014 21:06 - United States - Rockport

Today, my husband came clean to having an affair with my sister. I later found out my other sister encouraged the affair because she thought they'd be a cute couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 640

You deserved it 4 390

We're all in hell

By Looking4AnApartment - 16/02/2021 15:30 - United States - Bellmore

Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 123

By cbrocks - 16/10/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, it was the first day of fall break from college, and I was really excited to sleep in and relax the entire weekend. Apparently my boss caught wind of my happiness and scheduled me 8am-2pm each day of break, "seeing how I don't have anything else to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 105

You deserved it 3 866

By beckzx58 - 06/08/2009 23:16 - United States

Today, I was pretending to use the force to operate the elevator at my hotel, getting really into it. Someone was waiting to get on at my floor and saw me. Not to mention the staff now brings it up every time I'm around. Apparently they have cameras in their elevators. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 312

You deserved it 43 616

By sleepy - 23/05/2011 04:57 - United States

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 816

You deserved it 8 330

By mmromig - 08/02/2011 14:46 - United States

Today, my therapist told me that I need to do something different with my hair. Then I paid her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 422

You deserved it 5 563

Break it off

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 02:00

Today, I found out my fiancée wishes she'd never said yes when I proposed, as she is in love with another man and has been hiding their relationship for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 121

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Top comments

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Saturday 29 May 2010 20:00

The next time you see her, claim there's an imaginary bee on her leg and kick her shins.

bluelahve 0

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Saturday 29 May 2010 20:04

Haha when you see bees you're not supposed to flip out, especially if they've landed on you. Remain calm or else you'll just piss them off and get stung!

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Saturday 29 May 2010 20:00

The next time you see her, claim there's an imaginary bee on her leg and kick her shins.

cincin75 0

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Saturday 29 May 2010 20:04

wow u looks just like a magic,cute face & amazing body. 

cincin75 0

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Saturday 29 May 2010 20:07

wow u looks just like a magic,cute face & amazing body. 

cincin75 0

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Saturday 29 May 2010 20:09

wow u looks just like a magic,cute face & amazing body. 

RaIeigh 0

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Saturday 29 May 2010 20:31

#3 - Hah, or chopblock the back of her leg (:

ilikepie789 0

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Saturday 29 May 2010 20:32

heard you the first time

BoWZeR 1

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Saturday 29 May 2010 20:55

she's ugly flat and probably loose

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Saturday 29 May 2010 21:26

#47 Why insult me? I've done nothing to you, so I honestly don't see any reason for you to personally attack me.

illmatic2 16

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Saturday 29 May 2010 21:50

58- he is probably just jealous.

sourgirl101 28

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Saturday 29 May 2010 21:57

Nerds you know you're hot so don't worry about one stupid idiot. Look one guy above had to say it 3 times in a row:)

RokstaRx88 0

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Saturday 29 May 2010 22:27

eating Billy goats is definitely a favorite passtime of most ppl on this site

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Saturday 29 May 2010 22:36

#22, #66, #69 Well thanks, guys! Haha :) #35 Haha! YESSSS. #75 What?!

RokstaRx88 0

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Saturday 29 May 2010 23:35

you know the story of the troll that lives under a bridge and eats billygoats

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Saturday 29 May 2010 23:44

#81 Aww, thank you! That's sweet :) #90 Ohh! Haha. :P

coolbeens76 0

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Sunday 30 May 2010 7:33

47 is super gay and jelous of her nice body

puggfuggly 0

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Monday 31 May 2010 7:22

lol I don't understand Cincin when he says you looks like a magic but sure it's a co pliment :P anyway you are cute, but look kinda young in the pic

MissRachieee 3

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Saturday 29 May 2010 20:00

FYL.

WolfsGuns 0

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Saturday 29 May 2010 20:00

FUCK ANTI-FLOOD!!!

WolfsGuns 0

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Saturday 29 May 2010 20:00

FUCK ANTI-FLOOD!!!!!!

As1LayDying 4

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Sunday 30 May 2010 0:49

^^ WIN

luckytexan 7

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Saturday 29 May 2010 20:01

this made me laugh. yay for me. sux for you.

cincin75 0

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Saturday 29 May 2010 20:01

Tell your friend just learn some Kungfu before kick a bee on someone's leg. 

verymerry 6

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Saturday 29 May 2010 20:03

lmao agreed get friends with better reflexes. if u put bleach on it it won't hurt anymore! I promise that's what I used to do.

bluelahve 0

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Saturday 29 May 2010 20:04

Haha when you see bees you're not supposed to flip out, especially if they've landed on you. Remain calm or else you'll just piss them off and get stung!