Love: Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, he grabbed my double... - FML

By fmlfmboyfriendah - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML

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There's no helping some people

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Monetize your shit life

By stupidboys - United States

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend after helping him study for his ACT, giving him a back rub, and having really awesome sex with him. His reason for dumping me? He's too stressed out to have a girlfriend right now. FML

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By MickyIsEVIL - Japan - Nagoya

Today, I was yelled at while I was shopping by some lady, because she saw my tattoo on my arm. She screamed that I'm the "spawn of Satan" and told me I'm going to hell. It's a fake tattoo of Mickey mouse. FML

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By qx5 - Canada

Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after 6 months of training and going to the gym every day, I realized that the only thing I've lost is $300 worth of gas. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend clearly stated that I was "useless" when on my period. FML

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By crazytown62 - United States

Today, it appears that it's Single Loser Awareness Day. FML

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By bill - United States - Pasadena

Today, I saw a man lying face down in a field and thinking he was injured, I ran over to help. As soon as I got to him, I realized he was completely naked. He stood up and chased after me. FML

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By PPP - United States

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

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By anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I learned that I cannot cook or clean in my kitchen because it's too noisy for my neighbour. Every time I do, she bangs on the wall. FML

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By mustache girl - Canada - Magog

Today, I waxed my upper lip hair. My boyfriend later told me that he missed my mustache rubbing onto his. FML

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By smalls727

Today, I was at orientation for my new job. There were only 6 other people in the training. Throughout the whole entire training, I kept smelling cat urine and moving further away from the other person. Only to get in my car and realize my cat peed in my purse. FML

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By bnc - United States - Jefferson City

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

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By Maju - Netherlands

Dumb, but relatable

Today, I hit my toe against a table. Out of frustration, I kicked the table and broke my little toe. FML

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By brows - United States

Today, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at a korean salon. I have never been there before and it's hard to understand their accents. The women asked me if I wanted "them all off". Not fully understanding what she said, I agreed. When she showed me the mirror, she had taken off my whole eyebrow. FML

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By happyshit - United States

Today, I was driving when I saw someone pulled over on the side of the road. Wanting to help, I pulled over. In so doing, I ran over a nail, which popped my tire. The guy had just pulled over to pee. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Imperial

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML

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By sillvy - United States

Today, I was on a date. I noticed he kept looking at my lips. Thinking he wanted to kiss me, I leaned in closer. Disgusted, he pulled away and said, "I'm sorry, but that pimple on your chin is, like, staring at me or something." FML

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By dani911 - United States

Today, I noticed a car following me all the way to my house. It was dark so I got really nervous and called the police. The person got out of the car. It was my mom. FML

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By FMeRight? - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me in front of his whole family with the ring his mother had helped him pick out. Two hours later, I found emails of nudes from another women that had been sent to him a week prior, on his phone. Our flight for home leaves in a week. FML

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By badgirl - United States

Today, I Googled myself. I found my mugshot and a blog my mom had written about how much of a problem child I am. FML

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By thoughtitwasspecial - United States

Today, I found a link to a porn website on my boyfriend's computer. A bit jealous, I asked why it was there. He told me that he thought thinking of me might get boring. FML

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By Boo - United Kingdom

Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML

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By lifedoessuck12 - Philippines

Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started day dreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone went up to me and said "Try not to be so obvious". Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML

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By Waitingtomoveout

Today, I had to remove my brother's pubic hairs from the bathtub before bathing my son. FML

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By dmsmcd - United States

Today, after a week of insomnia, I finally managed to fall asleep. Thirty minutes later, my friends decided to bang on my door, yelling at me to wake up and party with them. I'm now wide awake and hallucinating from lack of sleep. FML

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By _Emilyy - United States

Today, I updated my facebook status to, "Party at my house this Friday. Like my status if you want to come." After about 3 hours I checked back to discover that the only person who'd liked my status was my grandma. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 05:02

Contagion

Today, after bronchitis and a negative COVID test, I finally went back into my classroom for the last day before break. An hour after I got home, a parent contacted me to let me know her child (whom I helped all day) had tested positive and that I needed to quarantine. She thought I would, "want to know." FML

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By WhyIHateTeachers - United States - Ormond Beach

Today, I submitted a poem for my English class. I had fun writing it, so I wrote a second which was not nearly as good. My procrastinator of a friend never did his, so I gave him my extra poem. Mine was given a 75% while "his" received a 93%. FML

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By handlin - Mexico

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Croydon

Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML

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By a fat fucking shit and proud of it - United Kingdom - Camberley

Today, it's been less than a week since I finally got a job, after over a year of searching. I just found out that there's about to be a wave of layoffs. I haven't even gotten my first paycheck, and already I'm going to lose my job. FML

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By Battlebarney - United States - Washington

Today, I learned that the burning sensation I get on my balls isn't from when my girlfriend poured hot sauce on my balls as a prank, it's actually gonorrhea. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML

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By Catpiss - United States - San Bernardino

Today, I finished filling the pages in my passport. Also today, my mom's cat urinated on my backpack, soaking my passport with rancid pee. I have visas that last 10 years and can't be moved to a new passport, so I have to keep this nostril-burning booklet. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2020 20:08 - United States

Wage slave

Today, at work, our customer service chat was empty all day, so I got up to go to bathroom. In the two minutes I was gone, three people tried to chat with me. Then I got a call from my manager, asking me why I wasn't doing my job. He told me to give advanced notice next time I had to pee. FML

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By WTF - Poland - Wroclaw

Today, I was driving to work and stopped at a stop light. A full 2 or 3 seconds passed, followed by a car rear-ending me. The idiot driving it got out and gave me hell, calling me a maniac because I braked "too quickly" and didn't give him a chance to react. FML

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By Matti

Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready for school. Wanting me to prove I was really awake, he made me sit up. As soon as he left my room, I dozed off and faceplanted my nightstand. FML

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By disgusted - United States - East Waterboro

Today, while working as a teacher at a daycare, a two year-old girl decided the best way to share that she had pooped was to reach in her diaper and attempt to hand some to me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

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Top comments

By supafly208 | 0

#1911 - Friday 13 February 2009 18:12

don't take it personal.. he was probly just trying to make you laugh..but then realized it's only funny to him... :)

By midnyte | 0

#2070 - Saturday 14 February 2009 6:56

Of all the things to grab while laying down together, he grabs your chin....

COMMENTS

By president_benson | 0

#1904 - Friday 13 February 2009 17:59

LOL!

By supafly208 | 0

#1911 - Friday 13 February 2009 18:12

don't take it personal.. he was probly just trying to make you laugh..but then realized it's only funny to him... :)

By petra_fml | 0

#1916 - Friday 13 February 2009 18:21

that's happened to me too :(

By Spencer_fml | 0

#1935 - Friday 13 February 2009 20:14

#6 is right, we guys find the oddest things attractive, and he probably only did it because you were laying down and it was a little more noticable. Don't take it too personally it just means he really likes you.

By Mattrocker | 4

#1953 - Friday 13 February 2009 21:58

I say dump his ass

By ZING_MASTER | 0

#2008 - Saturday 14 February 2009 2:09

Try having fewer chins.

By midnyte | 0

#2070 - Saturday 14 February 2009 6:56

Of all the things to grab while laying down together, he grabs your chin....

By Melly_fml | 0

#2105 - Saturday 14 February 2009 10:40

DUMP ASAP

Reply

omgcookeys | 15

#3446871 - Tuesday 18 October 2011 0:54

It was just a joke.. It's not really a good reason to dump someone....

Reply

Vintage_Cola | 29

#6502225 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 14:41

Today, after my boyfriend made a completely innocent mistake that bothered me enough to type up on FML, I was told to dump him immediately. FML

By Novaeangliae | 0

#2925 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 9:00

That sucks and all but that made me laugh really really hard!

By casanova_fml | 0

#2983 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 13:07

possibly joking...but if it smells and feels like you've been doused in theater butter after sex....lose the weight. seriously.