Miscellaneous: Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger.... - FML

By veggiegal - 13/02/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 367

You deserved it 7 850

Late term

Gamers rise up

Mystery unwanted gift

By anon - 26/12/2013 12:08 - Australia

Today, I watched "Time of the Doctor" and I'm pretty sure my love of Doctor Who slithered out through my ear and shamefully lodged itself in the darkest corner of the room, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 507

You deserved it 8 809

By jaci - 24/07/2016 15:27 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I went downstairs to get a drink and overheard my grandparents talking about me. They spent a good 15 minutes double-team attacking me for my failings as a human being, mainly me not being married with children yet. I'm barely 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 990

You deserved it 1 126

By secretdeo - 24/08/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 395

You deserved it 5 329

By omgjessp - 19/07/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 525

You deserved it 3 962

By AnDroidZ_BabY - 11/09/2011 04:47 - United States

Today, my mom and I had a fight in the car over who farted. The result? She wanted to smell my underwear when we got home, to prove it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 376

You deserved it 3 812

By lpspann87 - 25/04/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I moved to Florida because I have poor circulation and need to be in a warm environment. The first day at my new job, I discovered my co-worker is an overweight man who wears a wool suit every day, and insists on keeping the office chilled to 65 degrees. I can't feel my fingers or toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 547

You deserved it 3 626

By sacrophage - 28/02/2010 04:30 - Canada

Today, I discovered that my abusive, obsessive, psychotic ex-boyfriend from over two years ago still has a thing for me. How did I find out? Although I've ignored him walking unnecessarily past my house for the past two months, it was hard to ignore when he fell from a tree outside my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 383

You deserved it 2 858

By Anonymous - 08/07/2012 21:13 - France

Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 538

You deserved it 42 685

By waiterrrrrrrrr - 02/08/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I was working my shift at a fancy restaurant and it had been a really hard day. My parents came in to have dinner and surprise me. After paying, they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way, no tip, because you stink at serving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 763

You deserved it 6 961

By youwouldbeacat - 28/04/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I was making a nacho and grabbed some refried beans that were in a plastic container out of the fridge and put them on top of the chips. After I’m completely done eating my mom looks in the fridge and asked me if I knew where the cat food was. I just ate a small can of cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 731

You deserved it 53 477

By kb10 - 14/03/2011 07:32

Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 161

You deserved it 75 251

By Goldo - 22/06/2009 20:06 - United States

Today, my boss hired a feng shui consultant for our small office space. I am the only full-time employee besides the owners, and I work as an unpaid intern. My company would rather pay someone to rearrange my desk than pay me to work at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 061

You deserved it 4 280

By newyorkers - 17/06/2013 12:46 - United States - New York

Today, getting off a bus, it was pouring rain so I got my umbrella out. A man elbowed me in the gut and grabbed it. When I told my mom about it she said, "That's New York, get over it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 861

You deserved it 5 652

By not jacked - 20/04/2016 11:35 - United States - East Hartford

Spicy

Today, my friend spotted for me while I was lifting a barbell. He thought it would be hilarious to tickle my armpits as I lifted it all the way up. I can still taste vomit in my mouth and it hurts to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 071

You deserved it 1 541

By Anonymous - 21/01/2011 22:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother who lives with us decided that since I work from home, it would be a good idea for her to stay home and keep me company. "Keeping me company" includes ordering me to make her food, gossiping non stop, and ridiculing me for not being the woman that she always saw her son marrying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 862

You deserved it 3 600

By Angry - 04/08/2009 20:21 - United States

Today, I found a pair of women's underwear in the laundry that wasn't mine. I confronted my boyfriend about it. They were his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 828

You deserved it 7 158

By FuglyBetty - 24/02/2016 22:48 - Norway - Arendal

Today, while doing the grocery shopping with my boyfriend we came across another woman also out shopping, who looked shockingly like me despite her being another race, hair color and the like. The second he saw her, he blurted out, ''Oh, it's a pretty version of you!'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 989

You deserved it 1 703

By Anonymous - 18/02/2011 21:18 - United States

Today, I had to get into my house via the dog flap because my mom changed the locks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 067

You deserved it 4 477

By dumped and dusted - 13/07/2016 17:35 - United States

Today, 3 weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 206

You deserved it 1 939

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 17:42 - Pakistan

Today, I'm 5 months pregnant. My 20-year-old boyfriend still refuses to tell his parents because he thinks he'll get in trouble. He thinks we can get away with "never telling them and just hiding the kid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 663

You deserved it 10 089

By Tiffosaur - 04/01/2013 06:12 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 856

You deserved it 2 621

By Anonymous - 11/07/2016 21:02 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my mom called me for dinner by saying, "We're going to eat Steph! I mean we're going to eat COMMA Steph! We're not going to eat you! Ha ha!" She thinks this joke is hilarious and has been doing it to both my dad and me every night since early June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 108

You deserved it 973

By Wetarse - 15/03/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was laughing at the new granite stool sculpture our work put in the office garden. I said to my colleagues for a laugh that I'd be the first to sit on it. Turns out it was a bird bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 4 389

Official meeting

By Anonymous - 03/01/2020 18:33

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mother, seconds upon meeting me, gave me a hug, smiled at me, and said: "It's so nice to finally meet you! All I ever hear is 'Emma this', and 'Emma that', 'I love Emma!'. He never stops talking about you!" My name's not Emma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 548

You deserved it 192

By HURP - 17/06/2015 15:41 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 023

You deserved it 13 095

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 13:54 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my car is being repaired, so I had to catch a bus to work. When the bus came, the driver pulled toward the curb and gunned it through a large puddle of water, then pulled away and continued down the road, leaving me soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 950

You deserved it 1 561

By Anonymous - 21/03/2009 19:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was really stressed about a guy he works with being a jerk. I told him "if you ignore something long enough, it won't bother you anymore." His response was "I've ignored my herpes for a long time but it still bothers me." We've been having sex for 3 months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140 068

You deserved it 22 742

By Halloween Fail - 01/11/2014 03:59 - United States - Braidwood

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's ghost costume, a white sheet with holes all over. I got beat up for dressing like a member of the KKK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 851

You deserved it 7 572

By Anonymous - 21/01/2012 20:38 - United States

Today, I'm so broke that when I got out of the shower, I had to slowly dry myself off with a ShamWow sample I received in the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 205

You deserved it 4 650

By sierra808 - 31/05/2009 09:43 - United States

Today, I was walking the beach and I saw my crush walking towards me. I was thinking about what I was going to do while playing with my top that ties in the front. I decided that I was just going to smile. When we got closer to each other I smiled and waved as I put my hand up it untied my top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 444

You deserved it 17 487

By bad day Brutus - 29/04/2013 05:26 - United States

Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 932

You deserved it 63 867

Mr Clean

By Jenn - 18/08/2021 09:59

Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 85

By FoxyManicLiar - 27/09/2010 21:06 - France

Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 331

You deserved it 3 168

Don't hate the playa…

By Dannikins - 05/11/2020 01:01 - United States - San Antonio

Today, the guy I've been looking forward going on a date with had to cancel due to Covid. This wouldn't have been an issue, if I didn't see him later that night posting about him at a bar with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 82

By taintedlover - 13/05/2014 21:31 - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 040

You deserved it 7 539

Train guy

By silenceisgolden - 23/03/2020 01:39

Today, a guy on the train was using his phone really loudly, asking Siri to call a bunch of people, or using voice command to do the most menial things. He was really, really noisy. It's only after I couldn't stand it any more and asked him to be quieter that I noticed the white cane next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 1 763

By Lilypad - 12/03/2013 00:21 - France - Versailles

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 619

You deserved it 56 372

By Anonymous - 12/06/2012 16:38 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I started my new job as a repossession agent. While attempting to repo a boat, we came across a young couple. The woman was very annoying, and even hit another agent, so I threatened to throw her in the water if she touched him again. I ended up in the water instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 407

You deserved it 14 494

By Loveless - 20/07/2009 01:06 - United States

Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247 284

You deserved it 15 352

Happy quarantine!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2020 07:14

Today, my kid shot a Nerf dart at our TV and broke the LCD screen. We have at least 11 days of coronavirus quarantine left and no TV. I don’t think we’ll make it without killing each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 289

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Monday 23 February 2009 23:06

you mean, it was SUPPOSED to be a veggie burger.

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Friday 6 March 2009 14:40

#21: bones don't belong in burgers, period.

Comments

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Friday 13 February 2009 18:04

veggies have bones too. how do you think celery stays so hard :) that sucks though.. you should save it n sue?

UnearthlyEnemy 9

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Tuesday 23 March 2010 6:47

What? You know nothing of the structure of veggies.

imahappeemoocow 0

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Monday 9 August 2010 21:59

I think she was kidding...

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 4:49

OMG THERE WAS A BONE IN A VEGGIE BURGER! do u have no life or something?? •_•

i_wuz_nver_here 31

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Sunday 26 December 2010 4:14

no it was just a piece if broccoli that works out a lot.

Marshmallowjello 22

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Monday 1 June 2015 4:53

#51 Op never stated that (s)he was a vegetarian. Some people just like veggie burgers.

nunya 0

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Saturday 14 February 2009 3:00

Good luck catching them... fatty.

greenfairy_fml 0

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Sunday 15 February 2009 0:23

at least vegetarians know how to spell. that sucks, I just ate a veggie burger and now I feel sick.

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Monday 15 February 2010 9:26

yes, your eating lifestyle dictates whether or not your English is good. OP can cry more. the animal is already dead.

ashleylucky16 6

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Thursday 18 August 2011 2:03

Hahaha. Winning.

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Thursday 2 August 2012 12:07

i eat meet and my spellin is just fine. Please dont stariotipe without any bases please.

childproofpizza 19

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Wednesday 5 April 2017 17:04

Meat* Spelling* Stereotype* Basis*

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Thursday 19 February 2009 4:58

y the fuck were u eating a veggie burgeR?

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Monday 22 October 2012 0:52

Maybe she's a vegetarian? Yes, I know how shocking it is, they actually exist! No, no, don't cry, I know, it's alright, you'll get used to it eventually.

FlavorfulUnicorn 4

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Thursday 19 February 2009 16:57

I don't care what your dietary choices are, that is disgusting.

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Monday 23 February 2009 23:06

you mean, it was SUPPOSED to be a veggie burger.

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Friday 6 March 2009 14:40

#21: bones don't belong in burgers, period.

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 5:20

EWWWWWWWWWW!!! i'm a vegetarian and that would have made me vom and cry. a lot. gross.

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Monday 26 March 2012 22:22

Same here. Vomit and cry

sneakersneaker 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 19:34

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

XanderScythe 11

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 3:17

I don't understand some vegetarians. Look, in the natural world life comes from life, and a lot of animals kill others for meat; meat equals life. By killing animals, we are providing meat for life, not murdering it. However, I absolutely agree that animals should be humanely killed and with purpose, not for pleasure.

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Thursday 17 April 2014 4:40

Food chain, you don't see a fucking lion eating a salad now do you? It's part of life, it's your choice of course, it doesn't affect me, but I still find it odd. Just think, being vegetarian is a huge MISSED STEAK...anyone?...no?...ok...

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 13:46

A lot of vegetarians do it because they don't support the way the animals are killed, slaughter houses and all that stuff, then others just do it because they can't stand the idea of eating something that was once alive.

Divergentlover 10

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Friday 16 January 2015 21:34

Plants were alive once

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Saturday 11 April 2009 8:47

well at least you were told that it was a veggie burger

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 8

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 104

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 83