Intimacy: Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do... - FML

By chanclepants - 27/01/2010 13:35 - France

Spicy

Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 337

You deserved it 14 033

Compromises

Best teeth in the game

Compassionate management

By sadface - 11/08/2010 06:50 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 303

You deserved it 3 446

By carwife - 21/08/2010 04:13 - Canada

Spicy

Today, at a family dinner, my new husband compared deciding to marry me to buying a used car. Some of the similarites included looking under the hood and finding out how many previous owners there were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 522

You deserved it 7 608

By 2old4thiscrap - 08/12/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I am a 26 year old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 567

You deserved it 37 123

By Dashofweak - 26/04/2016 16:17 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I did the math and discovered that every year, I pay the equivalent cost of a luxury car to a college that can't even keep rats out of the dorms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 859

You deserved it 1 555

By thedeerman - 17/09/2011 04:39 - United States

Today, I found out my wife and three daughters all have their period on seperate weeks. I now have no break from yelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 284

You deserved it 5 281

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 21:54

Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 805

You deserved it 2 335

By fuckinghicks - 30/12/2012 23:48 - United States

Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 867

You deserved it 17 406

By Kate - 04/07/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, my mom said we are having a party for the 4th of July. Her definition of a party is my grandma coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 653

You deserved it 3 920

By Nomoretexting - 01/11/2009 04:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, I received a 4 page text message from my mom explaining what she was going to do to me tonight in full detail. I am one name below her boyfriend on her contact list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 321

You deserved it 2 581

By Ari - 16/06/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 776

You deserved it 3 693

By Coyote - 06/07/2019 18:00

Today, a couple of friends and I went camping in a national park. When we got there, a ranger came up to us and said, "There have been many sightings of coyotes, don't worry, if they charge you, they'll bluff and flee at the last moment." We met a coyote, it didn't bluff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 11/07/2016 21:02 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my mom called me for dinner by saying, "We're going to eat Steph! I mean we're going to eat COMMA Steph! We're not going to eat you! Ha ha!" She thinks this joke is hilarious and has been doing it to both my dad and me every night since early June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 108

You deserved it 973

By BagBoy - 13/11/2013 06:42 - United States

Today, I was taking out a customer's groceries when he offered me a $5 tip. I told him I couldn't accept, since it's against store policy, but thanked him anyway. He called me an asshole just as my boss was walking to his car, who then yelled at me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 736

You deserved it 3 022

By Anonymous - 04/09/2015 17:01 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I showed my daughter video footage from a security camera that showed her using her employee key to enter the store I own, disarming the alarm, and stealing several very valuable items. Her defense? That someone had "photoshopped" the video. We'll see how that goes down in court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 190

You deserved it 2 878

By Anonymous - 23/08/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, while laying in bed trying to go to sleep, I listened to the chirping crickets and appreciated how soothing the sounds were. Then I realized I lived on the 8th floor of an apartment building. Turns out my brother's science project got into my room and multiplied... a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 402

You deserved it 2 261

By airport - 10/05/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 717

You deserved it 9 192

By lululee53 - 31/12/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, after spotting my ex-boyfriend's truck in a desolate parking lot, I decided to "decorate" the muddy side of it with a rather large male appendage. After checking around me to make sure there were no witnesses, I got to work. I probably should have made sure he wasn't sitting in the truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 257

You deserved it 49 563

By MrandMrsRendon20 - 11/11/2010 00:26 - United States

Today, I complained to my boss about how my printer wasn't printing colored ink even though I had just installed a new cartridge yesterday. Upon investigation, she noted that I forgot to take off the protection sticker from the cartridge. Good job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 246

You deserved it 29 786

Hey! Teachers! Leave those kids alone!

By Anonymous - 24/09/2021 13:58

Today, while grading my kindergarteners' spelling tests, one kid spelled all the words wrong, including his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 162

By threw my underwear out too - 03/12/2017 00:00 - United States - Hyde Park

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 796

You deserved it 1 841

By thunder thighs - 11/02/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was tapping on my thigh to the beat of the music when we were driving to dinner. When I asked him what he was doing he replied, "Just watching the ripples." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 444

You deserved it 6 268

By klaatu barada nikto - 20/01/2015 13:23 - United States - Des Moines

Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 161

You deserved it 2 680

Good old gender stereotypes

By Brian - 05/11/2020 13:59 - Macedonia - Skopje

Today, I couldn't open a jar of mayo and my cousin had to open it for me. She's a 16 year-old girl and I'm a 24 year-old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 725

Unrequited lover

By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 11:31

Today, I had to give advice to my best friend and love of my life. What kind of advice? What to wear while on a date with some guy. We're roommates, and she wouldn't stop telling me about everything when she got home. This happens on a regular basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 878

By britt71411 - 13/01/2012 17:17 - United States

Today, inspired by my own relationship, I encouraged my best friend to go after the guy she likes. She did, and I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 540

You deserved it 5 688

Doggy dog world

By corgi problems - 15/09/2020 20:05

Today, I walked into my house after my nightshift as a nurse and my corgi had the house turned upside down, with things everywhere. I have people coming to look at the house in 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 248

By charlie - 10/05/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, my mom asked if I wanted to come to dinner with my parents and my grandparents who are in from London. When we got to the restaurant, there was a wait. My mom made me walk home because they could get a table quicker for a group of four than a group of five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 738

You deserved it 2 975

By Anonymous - 24/09/2010 11:25 - United States

Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking and I jokingly stated "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 054

You deserved it 75 180

By PangolinScholar - 25/01/2014 00:34 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 36 256

You deserved it 4 300

By VroomVroom - 04/03/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, at a red light, an old lady crossing the street fell right infront of my car. I got out of my car to help her. The light turned green and I was still helping the woman to her feet. An officer came by and ticketed me for "impeding the flow of traffic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 898

You deserved it 3 487

Not that sort, I swear

By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 11:01 - Luxembourg - Mamer

Today, I threw out a bunch of Coca-Cola bottles that had been in my room for who knows how long. My mother noticed them in the recycling and promptly told our neighbours that I have a "coke habit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 147

By jingle - 25/05/2012 11:18 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I got fired from my job at a weight-loss center because I was too skinny, and apparently it's too depressing for the customers to handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 338

You deserved it 3 763

By rollerSWEETness - 03/06/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I was on a roller coaster and this 13 year old sitting next to me was completely terrified. To cheer him up, I threw my hands in the air. While my hands were up, we hit a curve and I elbowed him in the face, making him cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 760

You deserved it 15 790

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 13:00

Today, changing the garbage in the bathroom at work resulted in a hospital visit after an incorrectly disposed used needle scraped into my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 022

You deserved it 204

By themonkeyman - 23/12/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, I started my job as a waiter. I was excited when my first customer paid for the bill. I go over to the table, half-expecting a tip. I got to the table and no money was on the table. On the bottom receipt was written: "Ever heard of deodorant?" Apparently I smell bad. Thanks for the tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 187

You deserved it 29 457

By Annoyed Student - 09/04/2013 23:09 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my English teacher used the word "interpretate" again. This isn't the only mistake she's made though; I've been so frustrated that I've started a list of them. It's over a page long. I'm meant to be learning things from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 933

You deserved it 4 133

By anonymous22kittylicklick - 20/08/2011 04:44 - United States

Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 397

You deserved it 2 833

By notagoodtime - 06/02/2016 20:52 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 833

You deserved it 5 084

By drama_queen - 04/12/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, at my school, we had the opening night of our production in which I act. None of my family or friends came. Basically, after 3 long months of hard work, the only person to "congratulate" to me after the show was the head of the theater department, who just wanted to tell me I was doing it wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 669

You deserved it 3 827

By lizzie1833 - 17/03/2012 14:16 - United States

Today, I was laying down in bed when my puppy decided to bite my ear. As I started laughing and pulling him off I noticed one of my $200 earrings got pulled off with it. And now I wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 751

You deserved it 5 512

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:23

a sticky situation...

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:16

lol

Comments

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:16

lol

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 21:06

yup, lol

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 21:55

hahaha lol FYL OP

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 22:03

Hahahahhahahaa... That is brilliant.

crazy_bitch_9999 0

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 22:56

that sucks

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Thursday 28 January 2010 3:20

awsome ! lol

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Thursday 28 January 2010 4:01

yeahhh bet that was hard for them lol

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Thursday 28 January 2010 5:13

My. bad i ran when your parents got home. why did you fml this? by the way were through. and try deuching you smell

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Thursday 28 January 2010 5:15

lol, that scks ass 4 u

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Thursday 28 January 2010 12:08

wow ur cool

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Thursday 28 January 2010 14:58

I hope he cums bac lol

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Thursday 28 January 2010 15:17

learn how to spell before you try being funny.

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Thursday 28 January 2010 22:55

174: I think it was supposed to be a play on words.

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Friday 29 January 2010 0:27

ROFL! i bet ur parents were like: "I knew this was gonna happen" :D

Phil_McCracken 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 22:25

191: 174 misspelled back, not cums. that was the problem.

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:33

gmjdxv

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Saturday 6 February 2010 16:06

ew,that's wrong.why wud he leave.

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Monday 8 February 2010 6:28

cum means jizz dumbass

lucifer69_fml 0

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Wednesday 10 February 2010 6:13

LITERALLY

lucifer69_fml 0

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Wednesday 10 February 2010 6:16

(replying to #118)

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Wednesday 10 February 2010 7:05

omg best fml ever. better then the throwing rocks at a hobo one!

ipodhacker11208 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 14:32

lmfao wowwwwe lolcrofmlao that sucks wat did they say

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Saturday 20 February 2010 2:18

that's so hot what's ur number;)

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Thursday 25 February 2010 12:45

yea why the fuck did he leave??? What a dick. I mean im laughing my ass off!!! but ewwww imagine the smell of sperm on your face all that time. yuuuck. take a long shower and break up

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Monday 8 March 2010 2:20

ur the bf?

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Sunday 4 April 2010 5:05

129 yur a fag shure your her girlfriend faggot

LoadFasterPage 0

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Friday 23 July 2010 0:29

agreed^

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Monday 2 August 2010 15:30

ur bf is a bamf

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:18

he's dead haha

The_Norwegian 2

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Thursday 28 January 2010 2:38

Did your dad start makin' out with you? 

xlostwithoutu 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 2:51

Lmao thats nasty 

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Thursday 28 January 2010 8:11

lol

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Saturday 30 January 2010 6:34

eww

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Monday 1 February 2010 21:24

that's hot OP. need a new man?

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Wednesday 4 August 2010 8:26

wtffffffffffff

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:20

omg. yep omfg

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Wednesday 10 February 2010 16:41

This is a great FML lol. your parents had to untie you with a load of come on your face lmao

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:20

awkward much? :P

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:22

hot

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:52

seconded

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Thursday 28 January 2010 0:49

thirded

oogyboogy 6

Thursday 28 January 2010 2:28

forthded

SeeBrendenBurn 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 2:51

fifthed

Frank_Sinatra 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 3:18

sexted

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Thursday 28 January 2010 3:49

ermmm.....lasted?

EastonxStealth 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 4:51

if I could count I would be the one after that one^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^•^^^^^^^^^^^^^¥^^^^€^%^%^^*

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Thursday 28 January 2010 5:36

seconded : P

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Thursday 28 January 2010 5:51

damn straight lmao

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Saturday 6 February 2010 16:09

thirded

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Friday 12 February 2010 20:50

I came to this fml

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Friday 7 May 2010 5:13

whatever the last # was plus 1

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:23

a sticky situation...

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:38

LOVE IT

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 21:59

You a funny person

SusanaSaysRawrxD 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 7:57

lmao. yes.

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Thursday 28 January 2010 12:31

LOL made my day!

BrownSugar_fml 5

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Thursday 28 January 2010 18:46

lmao clever

devildog42787 0

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:23

that's great he should get a medal for that

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Sunday 21 July 2013 21:29

Lmao, a medal? I guess it would be something to remember her by because I damn sure doubt he'll ever get to sleep with her again after that.

lusitania_fml 11

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Wednesday 12 March 2014 8:15

I think posts like these should read: "my now ex-boyfriend.."

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:24

hahahahhahahaahhahahahahagagaha

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:24

SORRY BABE MY OTHER GF CALLED

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:34

hahaha

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:25

haha I bet you thought you was gonna get some o and did ur mom and dad ask how u got tide up

Frank_Sinatra 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 3:20

And did they notice the sugar water on your face?

mizzleshizzle 0

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Thursday 28 January 2010 4:09

actually it's salty not sugary

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Sunday 31 January 2010 6:46

ew... that's nasty that you know the flavor and is/are (I dunno the correct grammar here) to someone's sarcasm...

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Thursday 12 August 2010 20:48

Actually, 121, semen is made up of sugar and protein, about 90%. So, although you make think that it tastes salty it really is, in essence, sugar water.

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Thursday 11 August 2011 7:07

come on that's just common knowledge ahha:)

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Sunday 21 July 2013 21:31

Sweet nectar of the balls. Breakfast of the champions?

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 38

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 103

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 777