Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend told his parents about my bondage fetish.... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told his parents about my bondage fetish. In front of me. FML

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Serious times

Triage

Thanks dude

By Anonymous - United States

Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML

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By Ricky - United States

Today, I was home alone and I started to sing Halo by Beyonce. I was starting to get into it and began singing with more passion until the phone rang. It was my neighbor begging me to please shut the hell up. FML

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By tripb101 - United States

Today, I hinted at getting it on towards my wife (it's been 2 weeks since we last did). She answered with "no I'm to tired", within 2 minutes she said, "I'm gonna go use the treadmill". She got all hot and sweaty for about 30 minutes, but it was with the treadmill. FML

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By CP19JK12KH - United States

Today, I had a rare phone call from my ex-girlfriend. We ended up talking for hours about old times. It was the best conversation we have had in forever, it made me miss her and miss us. Later on in the day, she called back asking what we talked about. She was too high too remember. FML

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By Toby's.Mom. - United States - Houston

Your kid is a boffin

Today, I heard my son use the word "exacerbated". I had to look it up to see if he had correctly used it, which he had, because I couldn't remember what it meant. I'll be 23 next week. He's not even 4. FML

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By jennythezebra - United Kingdom - Thornton Heath

Today, a customer told me, "Girls your size can't bend at the waist." I couldn't stop laughing at the imagery long enough to be really offended. FML

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By 20month dry spell

Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2021 14:02 - Germany

Untidy

Today, my mom wanted a pat on the back for putting away some bottles that were clogging up the kitchen bench. She put them away by putting them on top of the dishwasher for me to deal with. They were from a trip she took over Christmas. It’s now March. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML

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By 19collegestudentandpregant - United States - Loretto

Today, I found out my parents are divorcing and my mom is moving out. I'm 11 weeks pregnant. Breaking the news should be fun. FML

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By drunkluv - Australia

Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML

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By Mishti

Today, whilst on the toilet at the mall, I took my new designer sandals off as my feet were blistered. Not even a second later, a hand reached out from under the stall, grabbed my sandals and disappeared. I had to walk home a mile barefoot. In the burning heat. FML

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By solomantis - Norway

Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML

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By nomorexbox - United States

Today, I actually heard my 14 year old son muse to himself, "If I can drive drunk in Grand Theft Auto, how hard could it be in real life?" FML

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By Dmessmer1 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I gave my dad $40 and asked him if he can get me lunch on his way back home. Long story short he came back empty handed telling me it was my fault for trusting him with McNuggets. FML

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By ShittyProposal - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years drunkenly proposed to me, while sitting on the crapper, with the door open. FML

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By worst - Philippines

Today, my mom said I was the worst of her 5 children. My IQ is 130, an honor student, I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, or do drugs. I'm the "worst" because I don't go to church every Sunday. FML

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By Hreyes - United States

Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

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By dumbblonde - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML

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By helprelou - France - La Chevroli?re

Today, a guy who likes me a little too much, and who I asked to tone his advances down a little, sent me a message on Twitter, Facebook and by text message to apologize. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents told me that due to my lacking height and weight, I legally have to sit in a booster seat in the car from now on. I'm nineteen. FML

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By peacock_mina19 - United States

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

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By melean - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, on my way to school I dropped my money. As I turned to pick it up, I saw an old lady snatch it up. We began to argue when a police officer came over. Not only was I accused of being a disorderly thief, but that old lady just walked away with my lunch money for the entire week. FML

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By creepingjennie - 5/6/2020 02:00

Droopy

Today, I learned that working while taking muscle relaxers is not as fun as it sounds. FML

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By lonely-mind - United States - Jackson

Today, my thighs started chafing 3 hours before the end of my work shift. Now they burn no matter what I do. I still have an 8-hour shift tomorrow and I can barely walk. To make it worse, my mom's only words of advice involved me losing weight so it "doesn't happen again". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Helena

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she'd leave me for her ex in a heartbeat. Tomorrow is, or should I say "was", our wedding day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML

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By right - United Kingdom - Weymouth

Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in the Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML

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By AnastasiyaNicholas - United States

Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML

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By Garrison - United States - Anchorage

I'm innocent!

Today, I was arrested for kidnapping a child. MY child. Do you know how hard it is as a white man to convince a police officer that a latino toddler screaming, "Stranger danger!" is yours? FML

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By dammed - United States

Today, I got a text from my roommate asking me if it was cool that my ex was coming over to console him because he's sick. FML

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By e11ie - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he looked down at my chest and said "I can't wait for the day that these produce milk." We've only been dating a few months and I have no intention of lactating anytime soon. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2020 23:01

Traditional values

Today, the seemingly normal guy I've been dating for a while told me he is a wolf spirit in a human body to bridge the gap of his ancestors and humans. What?! FML

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By Taylor D - United States

Today, I went to Walmart to get some acne cream. As I approached the register, I looked in my wallet for the money. The cashier saw that I didn't have enough money, and before I could say anything, he goes "Just take it, I've never seen anyone who needs it that much!" FML

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By Arrgh - United Kingdom

Today, I was on webcam with someone and the conversation died so I said "brb". I sat there for five minutes not realising I had left my webcam on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Psycho

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

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By JimmyT - Norway - Bergen

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

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By allwaysbuggedinheaven - United States

Today, I returned home to find out that my new and very expensive computer had overheated. I confronted my mom, and she told me that she had covered up the fan because she didn't like the noise. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML

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By fail - United States

Today, I found out yet another of my guy friends liked me. I posted that I just wanted a guy friend that had absolutely no romantic feelings for me. My crush volunteered. FML

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Top comments

By perdix | 29

#737509 - Saturday 26 December 2009 19:09

Maybe they'll give you a dungeon as a wedding gift!

By FHGrif | 0

#737268 - Saturday 26 December 2009 16:15

Well do they aprove?

COMMENTS

By iFruit | 0

#737245 - Saturday 26 December 2009 16:06

OMG that would be so awkward nand embarrassing... whats wrong with your bf?

Reply

00yoda4 | 0

#986436 - Thursday 29 April 2010 4:40

everything humanly possible

Reply

changesinme | 0

#3575096 - Saturday 12 November 2011 7:15

Dad thinking
'That explains the handcuffs, whips and candle wax I found'

By FHGrif | 0

#737268 - Saturday 26 December 2009 16:15

Well do they aprove?

Reply

hellokittywhore | 0

#1234869 - Friday 13 August 2010 12:19

they probably was all " ohhemmgee!!!!! me too!!!" and pulled out their bondage toys! :D cuz bondage is funnnn :DD

Reply

tpike1296 | 11

#4943374 - Tuesday 18 September 2012 3:27

No, they probably weren't all like that.

By Butcher_1419 | 0

#737290 - Saturday 26 December 2009 16:27

don't believe you. need pics

Reply

mazuma | 0

#1031938 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 6:15

agreed.. PICS OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN!!!

By weezybaby22 | 0

#737426 - Saturday 26 December 2009 18:06

what's a bondage fetish?

Reply

youngbutwise15 | 5

#738142 - Sunday 27 December 2009 2:15

#5, a bondage fetish is when you get sexual plasure from being bound/tied up.

Reply

monster_tamer | 11

#742247 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 5:08

Oh. X3 I always thought it had to do with marriage... stupid me. X.x

Reply

chooch556 | 0

#1660788 - Sunday 7 November 2010 4:05

haha tamer

Reply

melissa333jade | 3

#2951337 - Friday 22 July 2011 14:18

still dont get it????

Reply

Takaska | 0

#2956412 - Saturday 23 July 2011 6:36

Bondage= being tied up, or restrained in some way.
Fetish= something that gives someone a sexual thrill, or sexual pleasure.
Bondage Fetish= when someone has this type of Fetish, the get sexually aroused from being tied up, or restrained in some way.

By Erindub | 0

#737454 - Saturday 26 December 2009 18:28

Well thats just plain embarrassing : ( sorry sweetie.

By KingHumanity | 0

#737476 - Saturday 26 December 2009 18:40

Well? Tie him up and spank his ass!

With your boobs.

By Shmeaty | 0

#737481 - Saturday 26 December 2009 18:46

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By perdix | 29

#737509 - Saturday 26 December 2009 19:09

Maybe they'll give you a dungeon as a wedding gift!

By truth215 | 0

#737527 - Saturday 26 December 2009 19:23

oooo kinky

By DreamerofWorlds | 0

#737555 - Saturday 26 December 2009 19:51

OP- Wow, that's embarrassing. Had something similar happen to me once. FYL
Shmeaty- Are you suggesting that you have no kinks or fetishes? If not, F YOUR life for having a boring sex life. Seriously, be a little bit more open minded about the interests of others, even if they don't match yours.