Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, my daughter came home from school crying hysterically. Apparently, her teacher is a vegan douchebag who told the whole class, "If your family eats meat, they're eating your future!" Now she screams when we eat meat. FML
Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML
Today, I made the mistake of telling my militant vegan coworker I have fond memories of hunting with my dad, which set her off like a tofu-powered grenade. If she doesn’t stop treating me like the devil, making snide comments, and other shit, I may have to go to HR about her. FML
Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML
Today, my family dragged me to a steakhouse, knowing full well I'm vegan. I sat there, with my sad little salad, watching as they stuffed themselves with burned animal flesh and laughed at me. They wonder why I hate them all. FML
Today, my boss was hosting some client representatives for a meeting and had offered to buy everyone lunch. The "healthy" place he's ordering from made me sick last time, so I'd politely opted out. At lunch, the reps glared at me in the meeting room as I ate my homemade chili con carne. Turns out they're all vegans. FML
Today, I realized I've become a stereotypical militant vegan when I told a friend that we should start raising Lone Star ticks and dropping them around town so we could spread meat allergies and force people to eat vegan. FML
Today, my vegan step-mom found out I ate at McDonald's yesterday. She gave me hell and asked me how it feels to give money to "murderers". All while my dad sat quietly by because he's too whipped to speak his mind. It wasn't even her house a month ago. FML
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Top comments
theninja1800 11
Out of all the types of annoying douchebags in the world, hypocrites are the worst.
xlord 27
Please show her a book to read. It seems that knowledge from reading is become a hipster thing.
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Comments (160)
Soap0015 8
Vegan doesnt mean vegitarian.
chosha_fml 27
Neither eats fish.
23Z9TZO 18
I'm pretty sure mass producing and force feeding animals is putting out more methane getting rid of more plants than if we just let them be..
arre2006 19
As saintly as vegans seem to act, most of them are pretty damn stupid
silencebabyy 23
are you sure they werent a pescatarian? but if they were saying you're barbaric eating tuna is kinda the same depending on how you look at it
knotcool 15
And if you try to call her out, she seems to be the type to say "fish and chicken aren't meat!"
pandalover69 26
Please tell me you called her out on that.
linjizzy 6
Worst vegan ever!
RedPillSucks 33
And bacon. Everything is better with bacon
Fuji76 15
I wanna know how many of these Vegans/Vegetarians kill houseflies, spiders, roaches, mice, etc. Do you guys believe in pest and/or vermin control? Can you be pro choice and a vegan/vegetarian? Seems like some flawed thinking, but hey, do you!
Sonfang 19
I can't speak for everyone but, yes I kill flies and bugs, I do my best to try to shoo them out first but...sometimes I'm just tired of watching the cats try to eat them. Killing mice and such I'm not comfortable doing it myself, just don't like taking life, but I understand the necessity of it so if it is necessary then yes sacrifices must be made. Pro-choice, if you're referring to abortion, then not unless it is a high medical risk (for mother or child) or a PROVEN rape case, if you're out doing the deed and it's an accident you should be held accountable. But like I said I cannot speak for everyone, I only speak my opinions.
MiloBear 11
I am in no way vegetarian/vegan but even I don't kill pests, except flies. We catch animals and release them at the bottom of the garden. The only exception (besides flies) is dangerous animals who could harm our family or our pets. We've had a few black mambas and cobras come into the house and my dad chopped their heads off to protect us.
amifaiyaz 12
So fish are plants now, great job.