Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, my daughter came home from school crying hysterically. Apparently, her teacher is a vegan douchebag who told the whole class, "If your family eats meat, they're eating your future!" Now she screams when we eat meat. FML
Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML
Today, I made the mistake of telling my militant vegan coworker I have fond memories of hunting with my dad, which set her off like a tofu-powered grenade. If she doesn’t stop treating me like the devil, making snide comments, and other shit, I may have to go to HR about her. FML
Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML
Today, my family dragged me to a steakhouse, knowing full well I'm vegan. I sat there, with my sad little salad, watching as they stuffed themselves with burned animal flesh and laughed at me. They wonder why I hate them all. FML
Today, my boss was hosting some client representatives for a meeting and had offered to buy everyone lunch. The "healthy" place he's ordering from made me sick last time, so I'd politely opted out. At lunch, the reps glared at me in the meeting room as I ate my homemade chili con carne. Turns out they're all vegans. FML
Today, I realized I've become a stereotypical militant vegan when I told a friend that we should start raising Lone Star ticks and dropping them around town so we could spread meat allergies and force people to eat vegan. FML
Today, my vegan step-mom found out I ate at McDonald's yesterday. She gave me hell and asked me how it feels to give money to "murderers". All while my dad sat quietly by because he's too whipped to speak his mind. It wasn't even her house a month ago. FML
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Top comments
theninja1800 11
Out of all the types of annoying douchebags in the world, hypocrites are the worst.
xlord 27
Please show her a book to read. It seems that knowledge from reading is become a hipster thing.
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Comments (160)
neeni88 23
Oh man, #10, that comment gave me a really good chuckle. Thanks for that! :-)
Raesin 21
I hate hypocrites, if someone claims to be vegan, that should be no animal products and no meat of any kind. Same with vegetarians again, no meat for you. Fish is still meat, it is the flesh from a once-living animal that died so you could eat it. ''Pescatarian'' is something the hypocritical vegans invented so they didn't appear hypocrites. ''I'm a vegan but fish is so damn tasty, I can't give that up. Oh well, I'll invent a new name for it.'' Self-righteous hippies.
kidsgotastinky 11
Guys calm down its organic tuna
ginawater19 13
Fish is not vegan. So before everyone freaks out about animal cruelty this person is a liar.
Helldemon 32
Fish is still meat, they are just hypocrites.
phatway12 13
Don't wanna sound like a dick here but that person is a pescatarian which means they don't eat any meat but still eat fish.
Helldemon 32
Fish is still meat, they are just hypocrites.
Vegetarian27 24
Actually, it's the mass breeding and keeping of animals for food that causes such large quantities of methane to even exist.
ohSNAPyall 27
Carnivores need to be beaten with a carrot for trying to sway us into eating meat. ("But bacon! BACON!!!!")
YourDrunkle 4
Animals raised for food actually use about 10 times as much food from plants compared to a human eating just plants.
Headcrab 29
I don't know what you were eating but tuna is on the brink of being endangered so she was eating onebof the worst things she could eat. One of the only things worse would be panda salami or something.
mollyjynxjax 28
I'd rather have beluga bacon, thank you very much
doodlecloud 27
Thank you 57! Shame you got thumbed down so bad...a lot of (not all) people on here like to vegan/veggie bash without listening to the facts. Of course raising animals for mass food production causes more methane. A lot of veggies actually don't eat meat for that reason rather than just cruelty or whatever. And no, I'm not saying people can't eat meat - eat whatever you want - but don't ignore the facts.