Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Nice try
Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Proselytizing
Today, my daughter came home from school crying hysterically. Apparently, her teacher is a vegan douchebag who told the whole class, "If your family eats meat, they're eating your future!" Now she screams when we eat meat. FML
Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML
Edgy
Today, I made the mistake of telling my militant vegan coworker I have fond memories of hunting with my dad, which set her off like a tofu-powered grenade. If she doesn’t stop treating me like the devil, making snide comments, and other shit, I may have to go to HR about her. FML
Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML
Digging my heels in
Today, my family dragged me to a steakhouse, knowing full well I'm vegan. I sat there, with my sad little salad, watching as they stuffed themselves with burned animal flesh and laughed at me. They wonder why I hate them all. FML
Paranoid
Today, my boss was hosting some client representatives for a meeting and had offered to buy everyone lunch. The "healthy" place he's ordering from made me sick last time, so I'd politely opted out. At lunch, the reps glared at me in the meeting room as I ate my homemade chili con carne. Turns out they're all vegans. FML
One step beyond
Today, I realized I've become a stereotypical militant vegan when I told a friend that we should start raising Lone Star ticks and dropping them around town so we could spread meat allergies and force people to eat vegan. FML
Today, my vegan step-mom found out I ate at McDonald's yesterday. She gave me hell and asked me how it feels to give money to "murderers". All while my dad sat quietly by because he's too whipped to speak his mind. It wasn't even her house a month ago. FML
Top comments
theninja1800 11
Out of all the types of annoying douchebags in the world, hypocrites are the worst.
xlord 27
Please show her a book to read. It seems that knowledge from reading is become a hipster thing.
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Comments (160)
Kitsi 14
I have been reading various posts and I want to say a few things: 1. Veganism is NOT done to prove moral superiority 2. WHAT you eat is a choice, WHO you eat should not be 3. Plants do NOT have central nervous systems, nor do they have sentience 4. Veganism is NOT only a diet, it is a way of looking at the world and all beings in it with compassion 5.Many vegans would be thrilled with any small changes toward compassion, only the few give the rest a bad name 6. Plant based diets really do have many significant health benefits 7. The absolute destruction of the animals, earth, and environment caused by farming harms all of us, whether we choose to eat meat or not. Choosing compassion is better all around 8. Many animals we murder daily are smarter or as smart as human children (scientifically proven) 9. The resources wasted on farming (land, water, grains,forests cut down) could feed and sustain millions or billions of people 10. Our lack of spiritual development as a species is causing us to plunge headlong into our own destruction by not seeing how far off course we are. This includes farming, greed, deforestation, oil spills, nuclear accidents,etc ad infinitum. The facts (scientific, biological, environmental, ethical, and spiritual) show that veganism is probably the best choice in every category. With that being said, at least keep these things in mind. Before I am asked, no I am not fully vegan. I am vegetarian with periods of veganism. I DO however adhere to the other facets of vegan outlook that transcend the dietary considerations, such as recycling, reducing, conservation of electricity and water, trying to work on helping humanity and animals, and trying to make a positive impact on the earth and environment by my day to day actions. We can all do things to improve our lives, which in turn improves EVERYONE's lives. Good luck and God bless!
solarrunner 16
You are full of bs.
Kitsi 14
Not even a little bit.
SecsNoises 6
See, there's your problem. You claim veganism/vegetarianism isn't taking a moral high ground, and then you go right on to falsely use the word who to signify a dead animal. Do you know how that sounds? By falsely equating a burger to a person, you're pointedly making the statement 'it's disgusting and wrong for you to be eating meat'. Ergo, moral high ground. Secondly, health benefits such as what? Do you have appropriate scientific citations? No? Then you don't get to claim 'fact' on anything you've said here.
Kitsi 14
Cows are NOT "burgers", first of all. You could murder a human being, grind their flesh, make a burger and eat it. Do you call humans "burgers:"? I ******* hope not. Animals are indeed sentient beigns with thoughts, feelings,emotions, and ideas. I do not care how you justify and twist the facts and lie to yourself and others. They are. So yes, you ARE eating a thinking, feeling being every time you eat meat. That is a fact. As for the scientific research yes there is plenty. Would you actually care or open your mind if I sent you 1,000 links to studies? Doubtful. But for starters just think of the facts of what cholesterol does to our bodies. Plaque in arteries. Vegetables clean our systems and blood. IF you really can not see the truth I don't have much else to say.
tpm45 25
I hate her for one of three reasons: A - she's a hypocrite, B - she doesn't know the difference between vegan and vegetarian, and C - she clearly has no consideration for others' POV.
inthedopeshow 17
Calm down. 57 got thumbed down because, although his facts were true, he was being a buzzkill. I'm sure that in a serious conversation most of the people on here would agree that it's inhumane to raise animals under the common unethical conditions.
23Z9TZO 18
What did I buzzkill? The comment wasn't that funny, people are only liking it because it's a false argument justifying meat eating
Euronymous93 29
How is she a vegan if she is eating fish?
swertyg 4
Here I go: Being a vegetarian doesn't benefit the planet like -that-: While they try not to harm any animals by living or eating the way they do, vegetarians and vegans would just be putting more demand on plant life, and while there are health benefits to a plant-based diet. Having little demand on animal produce and meat would almost certainly cause the *DEER POPULATION TO SPIKE* and other animal life to flourish in way it shouldn't(shouldn't because human-environment interaction demands it shouldn't) would put quite a strain on plant life. Humans are omnivores, and before we thought of ourselves with this whole "do this, do that" system, we ate like omnivores. It's population control, just like cordyceps. Each ecosystem that makes up a biome has a max-sustainable population, right? so why go against it? The whole pale and scronny stereotype: Everybody looks different. There are many plant-based foods that contain more protein, or iron than meat could ever dream of containing, also, protein usually just fuels and repairs the body, it hardly determines how bulky and dark you'll look. Pescatarian: There are people in the world who become sick or have reactions to eating meat that doesn't come from fish. Hence the legality of the term "pescatarian". Plants are living things and -do- react to human stimuli, their reaction can be seen through the use of a Kirlian camera "lol, what the hell is organic tuna?" Health benefits: switching from a meat-based diet(main course on-plate is a meat) to a plant-based diet(main course on-plate is a plant) can significantly lower your risk of developing cancers, and this can be scientifically graphed and has a direct correlation. oh and hi!
Mademoiselle_fml 34
Please don't let this person ruin your views on vegans in general. They're not all assholes, I promise. I'm not vegan, but I know quite a few and it's just a really bad stereotype. Vegans = people: some are shitty, some are not. They're not any more or less annoying than your average omnivore. Like I said, bad stereotype. And people like this person you mention in your FML are the ones who make it worse for the rest of the sane vegan population.
pookyXx 0
Tuna is a vegetable... Really!!
LeahLegendary 7
Jesus gave people fish.
daemonsparta 16
got news for her, she ain't a vegan