Transportation: Today, I was taking out the garbage at work when I slipped and... - FML

By badluckantonio - 25/08/2011 05:29 - Canada

Today, I was taking out the garbage at work when I slipped and fell into the garbage container. The scent was so bad that a bus driver denied me a ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 960

You deserved it 3 011

Dementia or hate? You decide

Our house, in the middle of our street

Serial killer vibes

By Username - 02/08/2011 14:52 - United States

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 448

You deserved it 5 092

By how many?! - 22/08/2019 00:01

Today, a woman contacted me because she thinks my daughter and her children are half siblings. I thought it was a scam until she sent me a picture of my estranged ex and her kids, who look almost identical to mine. I’m the eighth woman she's contacted so far, with who knows how many more to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 076

You deserved it 148

By MLeguillon - 01/09/2014 04:34 - United States - Imperial

Today, after years of wonderful flying experiences, I boarded a flight and took my seat only to find a baby sitting in front of me, behind me, and to the right of me, and across the aisle from me. All of whom decided to cry in unison. It was a 9-hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 525

You deserved it 4 220

By Anonymous - 26/04/2014 05:57 - Canada

Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 702

You deserved it 19 170

By Wowsers. - 30/01/2010 08:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 769

You deserved it 35 935

By runsinthefamily - 04/10/2014 16:31 - United States - Aurora

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 501

You deserved it 4 509

By çapousse2904 - 12/09/2014 05:45 - France - Le Pr?-saint-gervais

Today, my girlfriend put her hand on my abs and confessed that she was glad I'd secretly started working out. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I've been constipated for three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 079

You deserved it 4 030

By insomniac x2 - 15/08/2013 19:56 - Mexico - Garza Garc

Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, and when the scene came on where the girl is crawling out of the TV, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 625

You deserved it 8 432

Trapped

By obeezy - 30/04/2009 19:56 - United States

Today, I didn't have any money to buy a tampon from the dispenser at my school but my hands are small enough so I can just slide them up and grab one. My hand got stuck in the dispenser and my school had to call the fire department. Now everyone calls me "Tampon Girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 664

You deserved it 69 589

Leaving makes sense

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 21:30

Today, I finally left my bitch girlfriend with her son, who has difficulties and violence issues. Now everyone is telling me I should go back, because the kid needs a father, never mind that I’m depressed and in therapy for suicidal urges. Guess my mental health doesn’t matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 601

You deserved it 119

Overbearing much?

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 14:02

Today, my mom caught me playing Mortal Kombat and had a fit about the violence, saying she read violent video games turn young people like me into mass murderers. I’m 29 years-old with my own flat and she still tries to treat me like a dumb impressionable teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 132

By alone in ND - 25/07/2019 16:00

Today, it's my 25th birthday. I closed at work, not one person wished me happy birthday, no calls or letters from my family. Even my boyfriend of 3 years didn’t remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 120

You deserved it 183

By pamcakes - 09/07/2016 17:14

Today, my dog pooped on the floor, and the Roomba my sweet boyfriend bought me as a housewarming gift, ran over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 371

You deserved it 1 254

By ok cool - 13/10/2015 01:53 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, while I was in the bathroom my mom walked in and tried to have a conversation with me about my bowel movements. I'm 23, and this is a regular thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 044

You deserved it 2 867

By iDontLikeMySiblingsThatMuch - 12/08/2018 20:30

Today, my husband of 10 years decided only after I told him I wanted a divorce that his niece is also his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 959

You deserved it 256

By wow - 08/11/2010 18:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 046

You deserved it 8 851

The definition of irony

By Rastaa_Reyes - 16/05/2019 23:52

Today, I went to Wal-Mart with my mom. She kept telling me to put my keys away so I wouldn't lose them. After a few times, I got annoyed and yelled at her. When we got back to her house, I realized I'd lost my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 2 877

By Anonymous - 29/12/2015 14:15

Today, I found out my wife has been taking "love thy neighbour" very literally with the bloke next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 373

You deserved it 1 512

Better out than in

By Anonymous - 28/08/2020 17:01

Today, I resigned from my dream job with a small company. In the 6 weeks I worked there, a fist-fight occurred, the police were called 4 times, a person was fired for lying on important documents, and I was yelled or heckled for my ideas everyday. Now I'm jobless and worried, but had the first good night's sleep in 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 767

You deserved it 138

By laughxlove - 23/08/2010 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 793

You deserved it 32 844

By sneeuwbal - 25/12/2014 18:36 - Belgium - Dilbeek

Today, my girlfriend's dad called to say she wasn't allowed to come with me on a three-day trip on New Year's. He waited until Christmas to say it, even though we booked and paid for the trip nearly a month ago. Now he ruined both holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 718

You deserved it 3 177

By sickly - 20/01/2011 05:47 - United States

Today, I came to school really sick because I had to take an important exam. After I finally finished, I accidentally sneezed on my answer sheet right before turning it in. The teacher refused to take it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 507

You deserved it 4 467

By emasculated 10000% - 04/05/2013 17:05 - Sweden - Ljungby

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 715

You deserved it 7 787

By thanksad - 23/08/2013 01:38 - United States - Cerritos

Today, my 50-year-old dad was in a foul mood after taking an online test that put him in Slytherin house instead of Ravenclaw where he "belongs" because he's "so smart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 339

You deserved it 3 667

By Bartender - 20/10/2014 21:04 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 448

You deserved it 2 619

By ronz - 08/02/2012 13:26

Today, I sneaked off work early. As I was in the elevator on the way down to leave, it stopped at my boss's floor, and he got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 754

You deserved it 44 641

By Anonymous - 11/06/2014 22:46 - United States - Russell Springs

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. I let her play with a box of old Star Wars toys to keep her occupied while I quickly went to use the bathroom, and when I returned she was making the 15 or so figures have a massive orgy, sex sounds included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 453

You deserved it 5 717

By dumbteacher - 23/05/2011 14:35

Today, my AP teacher once again accused me of plagiarism. Apparently the words "demise," "ultimately," and "rural," are too sophisticated for an 11th grade AP student to use and MUST have been copied from the Internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 453

You deserved it 3 172

Birthday blues

By Anonymous - 09/08/2020 17:01

Today, I turned 39 and I finally had my very first surprise birthday party. It was held by a group of video game animals in Animal Crossing instead of by real people, because I'm not important enough to them to remember my birthday without Facebook's intervention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 237

By Anonymous - 09/04/2011 18:37 - United States

Today, I had to call AAA because not only did I lock my keys in the car, I also locked in my toddlers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 236

You deserved it 47 529

By Anonymous - 19/09/2010 00:36 - Austria

Today, my bag, including phone, money, keys and cards, was stolen. In a church. During my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 343

You deserved it 3 123

By Trinity - 19/11/2012 22:37 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was sitting on a train, doing homework for my programming class, when a man sat in the seat next to me. He must have been a programmer too, because he spent the next few hours staring at my screen and laughing whenever I made a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 343

You deserved it 2 557

By Nic - 13/09/2016 20:16 - United States - Orlando

Today, for the first time in months, a potential employer was willing to give me a job. On my way out of the interview, I tripped over and broke a 1000 dollar glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 996

You deserved it 1 133

By grossedout - 08/09/2011 06:34 - Reserved

Spicy

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9 inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 074

You deserved it 2 539

Baller

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 17:00

Today, my popular friend stole another girl's boyfriend. She didn't keep him very long, though. In fact, she only kept him until I finally got together with my crush. Then she decided she had to have HIM. She succeeded, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 156

By ouch - 14/06/2012 11:26 - Australia - Collaroy

Today, my psychiatrist asked me if I felt bad about my weight. When I said no, he looked surprised and said, "Why not?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 908

You deserved it 5 003

By FML - 21/12/2013 16:58 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, my mum and I were referred to as "ladies". I'm happy for her, since she always complains about looking masculine. However, I would still like to be called a gentleman, seeing as how I am one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 147

You deserved it 3 633

Creepy Dick Pic

By huh? - 18/09/2019 13:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Spicy

Today, my ex-boyfriend sent me a photo of him getting head from a gorgeous woman. He captioned it “Jealous?” with smiley emojis. I’m not sure what’s creepier, the fact that he sent it, that he even has my new number or that we broke up more than 8 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 573

You deserved it 124

By spekledworf - 05/08/2014 23:46 - United States - Plymouth

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 080

You deserved it 10 107

By wipeoffincircles - 27/05/2017 03:00 - United States - Gresham

Today, at work, my manager thought I needed to be showed how to use Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 440

You deserved it 477

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Top comments

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Thursday 25 August 2011 16:05

"Sorry, but I cannot allow you on this bus. You are going to have to walk yo stanky ass home."

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Thursday 25 August 2011 16:00

You fell in? How did you manage to do that?

Comments

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Thursday 25 August 2011 16:00

You fell in? How did you manage to do that?

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Thursday 25 August 2011 16:08

It takes skills to be able to do that.

anorexicbarbie 8

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Thursday 25 August 2011 16:34

I was thinking the same thing! Aren't they about 4 1/2 - 5 ft tall? That really sucks OP, I can't even imagine the smell...actually I don't want to I can barely take out the trash it smells horrendous.

pandora_geass 9

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Thursday 25 August 2011 17:41

Perhaps Garbage Man Junior pushed him in.

False_Stupidity 41

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Friday 26 August 2011 6:48

Or perhaps where he exits work is somehow elevated above the gabage container, which would make it easy to fall in.

Feklfekl2222 32

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Thursday 25 August 2011 16:03

Were you carrying it above your head or something

drummerboy957six 0

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Thursday 25 August 2011 16:04

I don't see how that could happen...

jillianmathers12 13

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Thursday 25 August 2011 17:19

Your picture is so cute! :)

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Saturday 25 February 2012 21:52

I saw ur pic on my friends profile... So it's not urs

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Thursday 25 August 2011 16:05

"Sorry, but I cannot allow you on this bus. You are going to have to walk yo stanky ass home."

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Thursday 25 August 2011 17:30

You forgot the word "stanky" somewhere in that sentence.

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Thursday 25 August 2011 18:48

IAmScrubs, you never disappoint. :)

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Thursday 25 August 2011 19:38

Its actually Walk yo stanky ass home

baseballplaya5 7

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Thursday 25 August 2011 16:07

That's why u use axe!

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Thursday 25 August 2011 17:32

That's even more stanky.

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Thursday 25 August 2011 19:29

Axe wouldn't get rid of the smell, just mix with that stanky garbage smell. So it would even smell more skanky.

TheresNoEffingwa 7

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Thursday 25 August 2011 20:01

I KNOW YOU NOT TOUCHING MY MANNEQUIN!

andrewboygenius 4

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Thursday 25 August 2011 16:08

I don't see how you can fall into your garbage container

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Thursday 25 August 2011 17:10

fishing for what was left of someone's BLT Footlong - gotta save that 5 bucks for smokes

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Thursday 25 August 2011 16:16

How do you fall in a 6 ft high dumpster?

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Thursday 25 August 2011 16:19

How could you possibly know it was 6 feet tall? Also, It might not have been a dumpster at all.

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Friday 26 August 2011 7:10

Ive never seen one of the FML team comment before lol

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Thursday 25 August 2011 16:20

he's selfish. gonna make all those other people suffer when she walks by .... smh

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Thursday 25 August 2011 16:21

Was it Worse than that New Jersey smell?

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Thursday 25 August 2011 17:09

NOTHING smells worse than New Jersey

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Thursday 25 August 2011 16:22

Wow, that stinks :(

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Thursday 25 August 2011 17:16

Literally

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Friday 26 August 2011 5:17

Pun intended ???

NomOnShroomz 14

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Thursday 25 August 2011 16:26

Flash him your titties, that always works.

perdix 29

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Thursday 25 August 2011 17:11

The OP is named Antonio, so unless the bus driver is into moobs, your thesis is invalid.

NomOnShroomz 14

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Thursday 25 August 2011 17:13

Who isn't into moobs?

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Thursday 25 August 2011 19:32

Me.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 109

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 291