Today, I was in the car with my 16 year old daughter. There was a guy on a fast looking motorcycle next to me at the stop light. I yelled to him to "get it up!" so that he would do a wheelie. Just before the light turned green he yelled back, "You're too old for me, but I'll get it up for her!" FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was driving when this guy aggressively rode my tail and crossed over the yellow line to pass. He reached the stop light before I did, and I slowly pulled beside him and started clapping for this lunatic driver. He rolled down the window and said, "My daughter is in the hospital. How do I get there?" FML
Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML
Today, I picked up my 17 year-old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said, "So, you're the daddy?" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a hoe and me a perv. FML
Today, my car broke down at a red light. A man pulled up next to me and yelled at me to get out of the fast lane. I thought he was gonna offer help, as I was a young woman on her own, but he just yelled at me and sped off. FML
Today, the girl of my dreams asked me if I wanted to go biking with her. "Just the two of us," she said. I had to turn her down because I'm 17 years old and never learned how to ride a bike. FML
Today, the girl who likes me incredibly much asked me if she could come for a ride with me on my motorcycle. Normally this isn't a problem as I take lots of people out for rides for fun, but this time I had no choice but to tell her she couldn't because she's just too heavy for it. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML
Today, I pulled my motorcycle into a wheelie when my crush drove by. She was the one who drove me to the hospital when I went over backward. FML
Today, while reviewing boxes of motorcycle parts, I noticed my neighbor's daughter gleefully watching me. I jokingly said, "Wanna do this?" and she let out a loud squee and got to work alone. A few hours later, the bike was ready for a test run. I had no idea how to even start building it. She's 14. FML
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Top comments
Ochi_fml 0
lol, that is funny!
azurablade 0
ew?
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Comments (123)
happypapp12 0
LOL lmao rofl
gatorgrl1988 0
strummin Dan base mon
amira101 20
maybe you should've said wheelie instead of get it up just say. lmao
perdix 31
He'd probably try to say "Pop a wheelie" but it would come out as "pop a cherry," and we just had that FML a few hours ago!
Boddmon 0
lol in which case he would/should have gotten off his bike, came over to the car and said to the mother "okay!" pushed the mother aside and done the 16 year old. Then plead innocent to rape charges because the mother told him to do it!
LucasaB 0
It's you're retard!
DynamicDave 11
#16. my thoughts exactly.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Um, you're a man? So you got pwnd by a bisexual biker in front of your faughter? That is an FML
Freeze_fml 17
Luke, I am your faughter!
kev08326 1
lmfao
perdix 31
The good news he'd probably let you ride his motorcycle while he rides your daughter. He'd probably trade you his helmet for a jimmy hat -- just consider his gesture to be a loan, but yours an outright gift ;)
heeheehoo 0
I don't understand half the things perdix says. is he really that funny?
BigLostBear 0
he is funny sometimes, other times it's like Meh.
perdix 31
Yes. Yes, I am. What don't you understand? Urban dictionary can be a great friend.
SeedlessMe 13
Yeah, seriously what didn't you understand heeheehoo? maybe you're just not that bright...
SeedlessMe 13
weird- why'd it only post half.....
SeedlessMe 13
Cthulu 0
Yes he is. His brand of humor sometimes requires thinking, actual usage of that dormant organ resting in your skull, so you may not understand it.
SeeBrendenBurn 0
The dominant organ isn't in my skull, it's in my scrotum.
o0XMzMayX0o 0
I agree he is funny!! and you got to think wat he is saying sometimes, but if I get it Hun so can u!
jillz 0
I read somewhere else that Perdix is taken though :( ....so get off his dick already! :p (kidding)
perdix 31
No, no, no, no, no. Stay on it! I'll let you know when it is safe to disembark! ;)
perdix 31
Sorry, the license didn't go through. We're just engaged now. Gotta wait til you move to Texas and turn 17.
perdix 31
I was hoping for polygyny, but I'll settle for polygamy in 8-1/2 months. That ought to give me time to train my sperm at the Michael Phelps Swimming Academy so they can beat the other dude's baby batter to your eggs!
Compass 0
YDI for encouraging reckless driving.