Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the floor. I found an old plastic bottle of orange paint to drop on it and did so from about five feet up. The bottle exploded and splattered the walls and floor like a crime scene. The cricket hopped away untouched. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
Today, I was sitting in my garage with a fan on my face because it was hot when a suicidal cricket decided to jump into the blades, causing his cricket guts to be sprayed onto my face. FML
Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML
Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at a party when I noticed a spider the size of a golf ball on the toilet paper roll. I screamed, tripped over my own feet trying to flee, and fell right into the bathtub. Everyone at the party heard. FML
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Top comments
jim69_fml 0
YDI moron
schwancy 2
Have you ever tried using your foot? Or perhaps just leaving it alone?
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Comments (146)
bloobelly 0
MY GOD! you are dumb.
ohthebloodygore 16
No, no. The correct word is idiot. OP is an idiot.
DEXter501 0
Who the hell does that? YDI for not thinking rationally.
demomanX 0
I love you
nowmyliferoxx 0
Amen #17
ohthebloodygore 16
I hate you.
makemeasandwich 0
lol
FFML_314 12
I loath you.
ohthebloodygore 16
I love you too!
ScaryyMary 14
I'm absolutely terrified of crickets to the point where I climb furniture to get away from them, but I have NEVER been scared to the point where I actually did something this stupid. Fail, OP. Fail.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
I abhor crickets too! They're the only bugs that bother me that way, except for maybe funnel weaver spiders. Unfortunately, Mr. Doe is creeped out by crickets as well, so neither of us can smash them— that crunch! Ugh.
FFML_314 12
Jane, you would not like it here. From time to time, we get army worms and they fill the roads and it's all you hear driving to work...crunch, crunch, crunch. By the way, crickets are delicious and nutritious! No joke. I hope you can find yours soon, 82.
FFML_314 12
TWSS.
ScaryyMary 14
Spiders don't actually scare me much. I have this really weird fear of any bug with prominent antennae... Crickets are EVERYWHERE where I live :
Ninjasaurus18 9
Why would you be afraid of insects? Unless they're spitting venom, are 10 feet long and have enormous fangs, I don't think they're gonna hurt you. Same with spiders. Not many are venomous enough to kill a person.
ohthebloodygore 16
I love you, Ignorance. Aria, isn't the correct word loathe? Loath means to do something unwillingly.