Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the floor. I found an old plastic bottle of orange paint to drop on it and did so from about five feet up. The bottle exploded and splattered the walls and floor like a crime scene. The cricket hopped away untouched. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
Today, I was sitting in my garage with a fan on my face because it was hot when a suicidal cricket decided to jump into the blades, causing his cricket guts to be sprayed onto my face. FML
Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML
Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at a party when I noticed a spider the size of a golf ball on the toilet paper roll. I screamed, tripped over my own feet trying to flee, and fell right into the bathtub. Everyone at the party heard. FML
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Top comments
jim69_fml 0
YDI moron
schwancy 2
Have you ever tried using your foot? Or perhaps just leaving it alone?
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Comments (146)
stevenmx86 8
48, it wouldn't happen to me...I'd step on the bug or squish it with something from inches up instead of dropping something on it from 5ft in the air..this is as bad as those ladies who thought they found a dead animal so they called animal control...unnecessary overkill
nuttinick 0
why wouldnt you just sep on it or crush it with the can/bottle from 6 inches away, moron?
tundraman07 0
giant cricket? really?
_mystique_ 0
Cricket WIN! OP YDI... its bad luck to kill crickets!
giantpinksextoy 0
ur a piece of shit for trying to kill a poor defenseless cricket, and you're a retard for failing to do so
imright24 0
That's what happens when you're an idiot and trying to be cruel. Just step on it or something. YDI.
jamjelly386 5
well thats what you get
tucansam555 3
...my god ur a dumbaaaaasssssssss
RedPillSucks 33
Next time, use dynamite, wiley-coyo-dumas
wtf_amb 0
Should have just killed it when you had the chance, wuss.