Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the floor. I found an old plastic bottle of orange paint to drop on it and did so from about five feet up. The bottle exploded and splattered the walls and floor like a crime scene. The cricket hopped away untouched. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
Today, I was sitting in my garage with a fan on my face because it was hot when a suicidal cricket decided to jump into the blades, causing his cricket guts to be sprayed onto my face. FML
Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML
Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at a party when I noticed a spider the size of a golf ball on the toilet paper roll. I screamed, tripped over my own feet trying to flee, and fell right into the bathtub. Everyone at the party heard. FML
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Top comments
jim69_fml 0
YDI moron
schwancy 2
Have you ever tried using your foot? Or perhaps just leaving it alone?
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Comments (146)
FFML_314 12
Yes, I meant loathe* Thank you! :P I love you guys too.
ohthebloodygore 16
You're all idiots. Yes, it was necessary to say so. :]
Jimboom 12
Pop goes the cricket!
alwaysbored13 14
YDI. Next time just step on it. There's no need for complicated strategy in killing something significantly smaller than you.
LexisMommy2010 0
Lmao! YDI come on now you should of known that was going to happen
katelynjoy 0
ohemgoodness YDI; it was just an innocent bug.. crickets can't even hurt you Hun:/
misfitSuperStar 0
Now just think of the hours of FUN you'll have cleaning that hot mess of orange paint up!!! Way to go, op!! *high five*
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
I think I'd just paint the rest of the basement orange to match. That is, once the cricket was taken care of.
jinxthejinx 0
YDI for being mentally handicapped.
Person1233 13
More like FYL for being mentally handicapped.
Arsonnist 3
That's a unique way to do it. Were you trying a new "eat the paint covered cricket and win free icecream challenge?"
msphatb00ty 0
**** CRIC GIANTS!! brb
gabinel1 0
number 9 Ftw :D