Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the floor. I found an old plastic bottle of orange paint to drop on it and did so from about five feet up. The bottle exploded and splattered the walls and floor like a crime scene. The cricket hopped away untouched. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
Today, I was sitting in my garage with a fan on my face because it was hot when a suicidal cricket decided to jump into the blades, causing his cricket guts to be sprayed onto my face. FML
Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML
Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at a party when I noticed a spider the size of a golf ball on the toilet paper roll. I screamed, tripped over my own feet trying to flee, and fell right into the bathtub. Everyone at the party heard. FML
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Top comments
jim69_fml 0
YDI moron
schwancy 2
Have you ever tried using your foot? Or perhaps just leaving it alone?
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Comments (146)
michelleissexy 0
Thats pretty funny actully but I have to say... You FAIL!!!
eastangels 0
******* idiot!!
96luisa 0
YDI completely wtf just use a shoe
LyssaMc06 2
are you REALLY that dumb? Most people would assume that it's a bad idea.
Kayaker96 3
Dumbass
fmlahahaha 5
Karma
emzypop 0
Since when is blood orange?
Ninjasaurus18 9
Why'd you try to kill the cricket in the first place? Would you try to kill a squirrel that came into your house? I think not. So why would you kill a cricket? This is karma for all the other harmless insects you've killed just because you're afraid if them and a heartless bitch.
ReturnOfTheRat 6
Same thing happened to me but instead of doing anything I had a very bad anxiety attack and sat in my basement in a corner trying to breath while dead staring at the doorway to make sure i would see if it came back. The attack lasted for about an hour and a half.. that happened 1 month ago. tonight being one of the first times I went in my basement since, I saw a dead cricket in the doorway.
alphabitch 2
Killing crickets is BAD luck. YDI!!!