Love: Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend of one year, "Why is someone... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 51

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 27

28/02/2009 18:55

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend of one year, "Why is someone as smart, funny and as handsome as you with someone like me?" He replied, "Opposites attract." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 004

You deserved it 28 904

Dysfunctional

Mama's boy

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Alexa, play "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette

By irony, huh? - 20/10/2019 14:00

Today, I got mugged. For an actual mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 88

28/07/2012 16:02

Today, I finally met my daughter's boyfriend. He has a face tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 322

You deserved it 6 065

14/03/2017 22:00

Today, while meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, the first comment I received was, "Well, at least this one is white." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 905

You deserved it 437

24/10/2010 00:50

Today, I was sitting on a plane waiting for everyone to get on. A cute guy around my age had the option of sitting next to me or an old guy. He gave me a horrified look and immediately sat next to the old man. I got to sit next to his mother. She evil eyed me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 333

You deserved it 3 604

Yada yada yada

By Anonymous - 05/09/2013 06:47

Today, I finally got up the courage to talk to my four-year boyfriend about how insecure I've been feeling in our relationship recently, and how I needed his support while I try to get my self-esteem back on-track. He fell asleep mid-conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 015

You deserved it 5 257

25/11/2011 02:49

Today, my entire family came over for Thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fistfight and only one cop car was called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 731

You deserved it 2 286

07/08/2011 17:14

Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right up until the point they saw an old man dressed as a clown, at which point they screamed, grabbed onto my shorts, and managed to accidentally pull them down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 395

You deserved it 3 362

Sweet dude

By no booze blues - 21/10/2020 08:01

Today, I was cleaning out some cabinets and stumbled upon a bottle of vodka. Being a recovering alcoholic, I immediately flushed it down the toilet. When my boyfriend got home, instead of being proud of my victory, he bitched me out for wasting the good shit. That’s for the support babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 353

You deserved it 260

01/12/2010 10:03

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to take a short cut driving through the snow. I skidded to avoid an oncoming car and ended up in someone's garden, inches from their brand new extension. The house belonged to a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 332

You deserved it 31 886

23/05/2013 07:13

Today, I was ditched by the guy I flew over two thousand miles to see. His excuse? "I'm just tired. I want to go home and sleep" Later, he checked in at a bar right down the street from the hotel on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 801

You deserved it 5 604

20/05/2016 05:57

Today, an officer ticketed me for texting while driving. Apparently, getting dumped costs $180. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 396

You deserved it 21 078

Question Time

By embarrassed - 03/01/2010 06:53

Today, whilst at my boyfriend's family get together, his cousin got really drunk and decided to ask my boyfriend when he was planning on proposing to me, loud enough for everyone to hear. An awkward silence was followed by my boyfriend's mother, who clearly said "hopefully never." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 365

You deserved it 2 784

23/12/2012 08:24

Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 878

You deserved it 8 942

18/11/2017 19:00

Today, I was in the romantic section of a book store making fun of the titles. Thinking my friend was behind me, I read in a sexy voice, “Sleeping with a Stranger” and turned to laugh only to find the 70-year-old store manager smiling and winking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 789

You deserved it 1 472

26/04/2009 15:14

Today, I got kicked in the face at a soccer game. Everybody clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 571

You deserved it 9 478

17/02/2015 01:04

Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 584

You deserved it 38 217

19/12/2011 00:10

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I fainted due to the excitement. He took it as a "no" and won't pick up my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 411

You deserved it 4 409

Fast and Furious

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 01:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 1 615

17/09/2016 08:43

Today, my cat wanted to go out. She watched me open the front door, leave it open while I got something from the car then come back inside. She then insisted on going out the back door. I'm a slave to a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 018

You deserved it 1 847

06/10/2016 13:11

Today, I came home to find water dripping from the ceiling in my apartment laundry room/pantry. All of my groceries were ruined. Maintenance's suggestion? "Put a bucket under it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 656

You deserved it 701

19/04/2012 16:08

Today, while watching TV with my wife, I realized that we were still watching "My Little Pony" even though the kids had been asleep for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 083

You deserved it 5 860

Some guys have all the luck

By Anonymous - 26/08/2020 05:03

Today my brother tried to teach me the merits of stalking women on Facebook, gave me a tutorial on how to use improper grammar and spelling to woo them and finally, "using misinformation to start a conversation." He's getting married soon. The last time I kissed a woman was 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 208

24/01/2010 19:32

Today, I was on my first date with my crush. When I saw her, I greeted her with, "Hey, sweetheart." She's convinced I said, "Hey, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 167

You deserved it 5 291

Are you there?

By Anonymous - 01/06/2021 12:59

Today, I had an awful dream where my uncle died from a massive heart attack. When I woke up, my brain interpreted the dream as being a real thing that really happened. It wasn't until my uncle called and asked me why everyone thought he was dead that I finally came to my senses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 324

25/07/2019 22:00

Today, I got caught absent-mindedly fondling my knob in front of Love Island. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 1 666

09/03/2009 12:12

Today, I got back to my apartment from being away for the past week on Spring break. I found the locks on my apartment changed and all my things on the curb, many of them broken or stolen. I ran to the leasing office to see what had happened. Turns out it was an accounting error on their part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 904

You deserved it 3 511

02/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I found out my Nuva ring comes out quite easily, especially when he manages to hook it around the tip of his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 177

You deserved it 440

What a tool

By Anonymous - 28/04/2020 08:00

Today, my ex-boyfriend wrote to me for the first time in years, because of the whole Covid-19 situation. Did he want to make sure I am okay? No. In fact, he didn't even ask about me. He just seemed to consider this the perfect opportunity to patronize me some more, and felt the need to tell me to "keep calm." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 534

You deserved it 214

14/05/2011 05:44

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 770

You deserved it 5 423

13/06/2012 00:24

Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 842

You deserved it 2 370

08/05/2019 05:00

Today, I saved a young girl from drowning in a hotel pool with no lifeguards on duty. The girl's mother was too busy on her phone to notice what was happening, and when I called out to her, she started yelling at her daughter for going in too far. Never bothered to thank me for saving her kid either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 035

You deserved it 147

13/10/2012 06:45

Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 728

You deserved it 35 334

07/12/2013 21:55

Spicy

Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 479

You deserved it 5 870

20/08/2011 07:42

Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 998

You deserved it 5 231

27/09/2013 07:56

Today, my mum dismissed my diagnosed schizophrenia as "too much time with those earphones in". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 813

You deserved it 3 443

On time

By Anonymous - 28/01/2020 14:00

Today, I finally got up early enough to get to work on time. I arrived 15 minutes early only to realize that I'd left my work laptop at home. Ended up being 30 minutes late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 991

#worthit

By Michelle Jade - 05/09/2018 22:00

Today, I'm lying in a hospital bed with two broken leg bones, a reattached tendon, and four screws holding my leg together. Why? Because I wanted chocolate milk and some asshat didn't see me walking across the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 908

You deserved it 501

11/04/2014 13:48

Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 254

You deserved it 5 848

07/10/2016 20:28

Today, I confessed my feelings to the only man I've ever loved. He asked me for dating advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 301

You deserved it 793

Heavy

By Anonymous - 21/09/2019 04:04

Today, a 100-foot maple tree fell on my house. I was inside. I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 675

You deserved it 85

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Saturday 28 February 2009 23:10

If you took his response seriously you're fucked up.

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Saturday 28 February 2009 23:57

He was clearly joking, but you shouldn't fish for compliments. Its unattractive.

Comments

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Saturday 28 February 2009 23:10

If you took his response seriously you're fucked up.

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Saturday 28 February 2009 23:23

LMAO # 8

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Saturday 28 February 2009 23:27

well he does sound kinda sweet and in a funny sorta way...but i know it would bother me a bit but thats just cause i'm like OOBER insecure. but it sounds like he may of had good intentions ;]

threer 30

Monday 23 November 2015 19:28

No one asked if you're "OOBER insecure".

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Saturday 28 February 2009 23:29

Wow. Some people get so emotional about other peoples stories. was dumb boring and ugly really necessary? I don't think so. you've got yourself a guy with a great sense of humor! goodluck!

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Saturday 28 February 2009 23:33

He meant it in an "intrests" way like you like different things.

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Saturday 28 February 2009 23:46

LOLOL

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Saturday 28 February 2009 23:57

He was clearly joking, but you shouldn't fish for compliments. Its unattractive.

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 21:06

your right, it pisses me off

confusedAsFuck 34

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Thursday 15 August 2013 20:22

"your" too..

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Sunday 1 March 2009 0:32

Obviously he was joking, but you should stop trying to get compliments that way, that's not very nice...

Amkii 0

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Sunday 1 March 2009 0:51

#5 - Agreed!

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Sunday 1 March 2009 0:51

wow, i could not agree more with #5. seriously, i can't stand it when people say stuff like that. "oh i'm so ugly, i'm so fat, you're so much prettier than me, wah." i swear next time someone says this to me, i'll tell them they're right.