Today, I started the job of my dreams. Our first marketing meeting...

By picklet - 12/5/2012 14:36 - Malaysia - Kajang

Today, I started the job of my dreams. Our first marketing meeting was an in-depth analysis of the phrase, "Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate". I have a 5 year contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25032

You deserved it

4505

Favorite

Work

My body, my choice

They're everywhere

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

By Anonymous - 1/1/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38731

You deserved it

3467

Favorite

By toobad - 2/6/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I went to a bar with some buddies, and after trying to pick up a few girls, one of my friends got a number. When I heard the number I said 'Sorry man, that's definitely the rejection hotline number'. So many girls have given me that number, I memorized it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58829

You deserved it

6693

Favorite

By Hot Pants - 1/12/2011 17:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I went into hospital and was being treated by a really cute doctor. Not knowing that I was going to end up here, I put on novelty underwear this morning. Well, at least he found the little green glow-in-the-dark skulls amusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25330

You deserved it

5752

Favorite

By kat - 28/11/2018 15:30

Today, I posted my phone for sale on Facebook. Someone hit me up to buy it and wanted me to meet them. I didn't really want to drive to them, but I'm a mom of 2 and I needed food and some extra cash so I did it. The guy asked to look at the phone and ran off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3019

You deserved it

657

Favorite

By dilligaf - 27/9/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, I had to choose between staying with my boyfriend and moving out to a better job. I chose my boyfriend. He promptly left me because I didn't take the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30271

You deserved it

18461

Favorite

By tman - 14/10/2010 08:24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41258

You deserved it

3285

Favorite

By wtf dad - 22/7/2020 23:00

Property law

Today, I asked my boyfriend, who’s a massage therapist, if he could help my mom with her chronic migraines by massaging her head and neck. My dad came home, saw them in the dimly lit room and knocked my boyfriend out cold for "touching his woman." My boyfriend dumped me and wants my dad arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2108

You deserved it

519

Favorite

By Ouch - 19/7/2015 14:36 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was at a professional tennis match. The ball was hit extremely hard, resulting in it going into the crowd. And when I say crowd, I mean my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24227

You deserved it

2112

Favorite

By Loveandpoetry - 31/5/2011 21:12

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a poem, and left it on the bed with a rose for him to see after work. When I came home later, I noticed the flower in the trash, and the poem had been used as gum wrapper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38736

You deserved it

5343

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/9/2015 18:49 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I told to my girlfriend of 5 years that I'm depressed about having no friends, no job and a difficult family life. I told her that she's the one constant that keeps me going. She decided this was a good time to break up with me to "find" herself, since I was being so mopey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26011

You deserved it

3748

Favorite

By LeaveHimAlone - 30/12/2014 04:23 - United States - Elkridge

Today, I have to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession with the guy from Harry Potter has crossed over into illegality. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43388

You deserved it

3444

Favorite

By Yo mom - 27/12/2011 07:12 - United States

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8661

You deserved it

54850

Favorite

By randommanwill - 16/2/2016 20:22 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad got angry with me for not watching "Better Call Saul" with him, because he thinks it will help me with law school. He did this while I was actually reading for a class taught by the top health law professor in the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18214

You deserved it

1290

Favorite

By whoops - 8/7/2015 16:30 - Taiwan

Today, while visiting family in Taipei, I came across a large button that said "PUSH" on it. I was curious and pushed it. A deafening alarm then sounded for the next 10 minutes, attracting concerned neighbours and finally a security guard who informed me that I'd pushed a panic button. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24479

You deserved it

10870

Favorite

By mcdman - 19/1/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, one of my employees lit my tie on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29861

You deserved it

5868

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/3/2015 09:44 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my maths class and I had to sit through a slideshow of photos of our teacher's cat. The cat's name is Mr Cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30847

You deserved it

4048

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/9/2013 07:04 - United States

Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37832

You deserved it

2589

Favorite

By fail - 19/1/2014 20:35 - United States

Today, my parents left early in the morning to run some errands, and I thought it would be nice to shovel our rather large driveway for them while they were out. An hour later, they returned from the store with a snow blower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51602

You deserved it

5658

Favorite

By squirty_joe - 8/3/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68155

You deserved it

20449

Favorite

By djfail - 1/9/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I was DJing on a popular local radio station when a pop-up window appeared on the station's computer. Of all the possible sounds that could have played, it was a girl screaming in pleasure. It went out live on air. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37666

You deserved it

6450

Favorite

By limeychefboy - 23/2/2018 01:30

Today, I was on my motorbike 200km from home in the middle of nowhere when I needed to poop, so I found a wooded area and did my thing. As I was climbing back up, I knocked my helmet from its perch and watched it roll right into what I’d just left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3610

You deserved it

2183

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/5/2019 20:00

Today, I saw what I thought was a cobweb right behind my head where I sleep. I went to wipe it off and part of the sheetrock dented in. On further inspection, they were holes in the wall. Termites started coming out of them like something out of a horror movie. My husband is out of town for the next few weeks, and I'm extremely bug-phobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1952

You deserved it

203

Favorite

By tina247 - 24/1/2011 15:50

Today, I realised that my husband's vows were actually the love speech from 'When Harry Met Sally'. This was made even more humiliating when I discovered that he hadn't even come up with the idea himself, he had seen it in an episode of Scrubs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37749

You deserved it

5073

Favorite

By Mojo0608 - 2/11/2014 21:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30135

You deserved it

2514

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/9/2017 07:00 - United States - Eugene

Today, while showing off the sharpness of my new katana, I missed my target and hit my shoe. The strike cut into the second toe of my right foot, which then had to be amputated. Demonstration successful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1775

You deserved it

4847

Favorite

By It's CSI Miami - 24/6/2015 04:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got into a fight with my mom because she believes that my fiancé is "irresponsible" and "immature". I stormed out and drove back home. There, I walked in on my fiancé and his friends. They were in a heated and almost violent argument over which CSI is the best. The wedding's next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24600

You deserved it

6173

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/8/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30337

You deserved it

3479

Favorite

By whyme_ss - 20/7/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, I went on a rollercoaster for the first time. I sat in the back, which was a bad idea. When it ended everyone in front of me turned around and stared. When I asked my friend what was going on, she said I had been screaming the Lord's Prayer the whole time. I hadn't even noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40507

You deserved it

26872

Favorite

By mandm - 24/9/2013 21:01 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39164

You deserved it

4920

Favorite

By SariLone - 19/5/2013 18:02 - India - Mumbai

Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45856

You deserved it

8659

Favorite

By PatientlyDying - 15/6/2015 23:07 - United States - Plano

Today, while talking to my parents, I dropped an ordinary drinking glass. After I apologized and cleaned the mess, they told me that they had decided that if I couldn't be careful at home, I certainly couldn't be careful on the roads. They took away my keys. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29526

You deserved it

2752

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 20:13 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, while driving home, I saw a cop with a speed gun "hidden" by the side of the road. I went to slow down so the fuck-knob wouldn't be able to ticket me. I then had a brain-fart and floored the gas instead of hitting the brakes. Hello speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12968

You deserved it

29290

Favorite

By thankskimi - 15/3/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

565346

You deserved it

40105

Favorite

By Schaf_12 - 16/6/2012 18:10 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I trimmed my beard. When I showed my wife, she said, "Yeah, but you still look like a serial killer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24844

You deserved it

5140

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/2/2017 10:00 - United States

Today, after closing down the gas station I work at, I went to unlock the door to the building. Turned out the lock broke and I was locked inside until my boss could get there to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6843

You deserved it

476

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/5/2018 15:00

Today, my wife informed me that she wants a boyfriend but doesn't want a divorce. Also, apparently I'm horrible for not "respecting her feelings" when I told her she can't have both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4500

You deserved it

274

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/5/2009 06:26 - United States

Today, I lost track of time while rocking out, butt-naked, to Kelly Clarkson and Michelle Branch after taking a shower. Three of my metalhead friends had let themselves in my house and were on the lower level laughing their butts off at me for 30 minutes before telling me. I'm a 23 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20196

You deserved it

63119

Favorite

By ohgosh - 12/10/2009 05:27 - Canada

Today, my son lost his pet rat, Charlie. Whilst vacuuming under my couch, the vacuum suddenly shut off. Something was stuck in it, so I took it apart. Something was inside, so I leaned in closer to get a better look. Bad news? I need a new vacuum. Good news? I found Charlie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33580

You deserved it

4574

Favorite

By jswag2004 - 11/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Elgin

Today, I finally got the guts to ask out my crush. She said yes and I was really happy. Then I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1788

You deserved it

329

Favorite

By hannah - 15/9/2012 22:16 - New Zealand - Timaru

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35100

You deserved it

7534

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By tellithowitis | 13

#4425570 - Saturday 12 May 2012 20:01

Don't potate appreciate

By ghostlilac | 25

#4425585 - Saturday 12 May 2012 20:02

Why are you complaining? That's awesome!

COMMENTS

By tellithowitis | 13

#4425570 - Saturday 12 May 2012 20:01

Don't potate appreciate

egc573 | 40

#4425607 - Saturday 12 May 2012 20:04

Something similar used to hang in my old Calculus class: "Don't hate, integrate!"

iLickRainbows | 2

#4425697 - Saturday 12 May 2012 20:16

They should appreciate...appreciate the 5 years of job security.

MeeshaMeeshaPup | 8

#4425879 - Saturday 12 May 2012 20:50

And OP gets paid to do this? SIGN ME UP.

FurryPride | 9

#4426038 - Saturday 12 May 2012 21:21

That sounds like a dream job to me. I don't see the problem in this

shift_love | 13

#4426464 - Saturday 12 May 2012 23:33

Masterbaters gotta mate?

ferrousWheel | 6

#4426552 - Sunday 13 May 2012 0:03

"Mate" is missing a few letters.

ColCyclone | 17

#4428431 - Sunday 13 May 2012 10:01

Anyone Internet savvy would kill for that job

DKjazz | 20

#4428585 - Sunday 13 May 2012 11:49

Taters gonna tate.

Pixie333 | 6

#4428587 - Sunday 13 May 2012 11:50

Should have been : Haters gonna hate, 'taters gonna 'Tate.

By esines | 9

#4425572 - Saturday 12 May 2012 20:01

Hahaha that's fuckin hilarious

CaramelMacchiato | 13

#4425603 - Saturday 12 May 2012 20:04

Almost as hilarious as your profile picture :]

esines | 9

#4425678 - Saturday 12 May 2012 20:14

Thanks

CaramelMacchiato | 13

#4425704 - Saturday 12 May 2012 20:17

Anytime, bretheren.

elisegreen | 4

#4429158 - Sunday 13 May 2012 14:44

The phrase is from
Janoskians !!

By SloppyFlamingo | 4

#4425578 - Saturday 12 May 2012 20:02

Apparently you're a hater.

By XxchristinasmhxX | 0

#4425580 - Saturday 12 May 2012 20:02

I love to potate!

Il_Maestro | 6

#4425594 - Saturday 12 May 2012 20:03

These are things we keep to ourselves.

KriiFahMoro | 9

#4425954 - Saturday 12 May 2012 21:04

Whoa, shit. TMI

MysticKnight | 3

#4426234 - Saturday 12 May 2012 22:22

I love potatoes

By ghostlilac | 25

#4425585 - Saturday 12 May 2012 20:02

Why are you complaining? That's awesome!

ImaginaryFoe | 0

#4426097 - Saturday 12 May 2012 21:44

Agreed. A 5 year contract at your "dream job" and you're letting one dubious meeting bring you down? Damn, people sure become complacent rather quickly.

Every job has its shit moments. Good luck ever finding a job in your line of work that doesn't have at least one dull meeting, boring task, tedious coworker, or idiot boss.