Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, after being in the hospital for two weeks after emergency abdominal surgery, my girlfriend, who didn't even bother to ask how I was, made me hobble to her house just to dump me and send me straight back home. FML
Today, a car hit me. I didn't get hurt, but someone called 911. The old woman who had hit me got out of the car with no problem to look at me, and gets back into the car. When the police arrive, she pulls out crutches and said I made strange faces and made her hit me. I got blamed. FML
Today, I was hit by a car while riding my bike, so I called my dad for help. He blamed me for the accident, said he wasn't sure what I wanted him to do, and suggested I call my mom instead. She isn't picking up. FML
Today, my roommate called me, but she's a cunt so I ignored her. A few hours later, I found out her mom and dad were in a serious car accident and she needed a ride to go see them at the hospital. FML
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I angrily texted her, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. Five minutes later I get a picture of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother, saying, "Shut the fuck up, she had appendicitis." FML
Today, I couldn't help but laugh at my girlfriend because she always becomes paranoid when she's around cars. I found her reaction cute and told her that "there's nothing to worry about". A car ran over me two hours later. I'm in a hospital now. FML
Today, I hit a car while trying to answer a phone call from my mom. I quickly answered the phone and shouted "What!?". To which she replied, "I just had a bad feeling in my gut about you so I wanted to make sure you were ok." FML
Today, my girlfriend woke up very early in terrible pain. I drove her to the hospital and fell asleep in the waiting area. When I woke up, my car was gone and it was 9am. She had assumed I just walked home (32 miles), so she took the car. I was the only one in the waiting area. FML
Today, while stepping out of the shower, I slipped and cut my head. I went to the hospital, got 8 stitches and was tested for head trauma. After hours of ignoring my calls and texts, my girlfriend finally responded, very angrily. Why? Today is her birthday, and I "selfishly made it about me." FML
Today, I got hit by a car. My friends left me to get to the hospital myself. The cab was double fare. FML
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Top comments
cinnamania 3
Oh, wow. She's lovely.
Luckster 0
Bitches like that make me ashamed to be a woman. Time for her to become an Ex. I hope you're well!
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Comments (175)
isthisminh 0
eh , who knows , you could have been a real dick hole to her , for her to say that
Hacksaw 4
Dump her. Now.
The_Great_Zucchi 15
Well, do you always tell her what to do? Sounds like you need to have a chat about how your relationship is working for the both of you...
dirtyhippie 0
I'm a woman and I say WHATTA BITCH!!! I would dump someone if they did that to me for sure, it's just nasty and selfish.
Moviefreak321 0
Yeah I'd say dump her. She sounds self centered and stupid.
refinnej_fml 0
ouch, why were you with a bitch like that in the first place?
jeffy_lima 0
wow thats so messed up
Rodjmeister 0
did she know you were hit by a car or that you were at the hospital?
woxy 0
That is pretty harsh but I am inclined to believe that you must have done something to deserve that. Or foul on you for dating such a sh*t head.
kickerdown 0
So when is the wedding?