Transportation: Today, I hit a car while trying to answer a phone call from my...

By wwasmer - 27/02/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, I hit a car while trying to answer a phone call from my mom. I quickly answered the phone and shouted "What!?". To which she replied, "I just had a bad feeling in my gut about you so I wanted to make sure you were ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 789

You deserved it 16 858

Transportation

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Broken heart

You tried

By Anonymous - 17/05/2011 10:06 - Finland

Today, I got a boner in the MRI machine while my pelvic bone was being scanned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 770

You deserved it 8 231

Noise annoys

By mandythepandy - 04/03/2017 04:00

Today, same as every other day, I had to pick up around 8 spoons because my cats love to take them and drop them on the floor around my house so they can listen to the noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 473

You deserved it 1 027

By Emmz91 - 17/06/2019 23:03

Today, I tried keeping a surprise secret from my fiance. Turns out, under the influence of my sleeping tablets, which after I take them, I forget everything I've said, I spilled the beans. So much for the surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 282

By CrappyLuck - 04/08/2011 02:43 - United States

Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 764

You deserved it 4 237

By Sharkie49 - 26/03/2012 22:33 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I paid top dollar for an Italian soda that ended up consisting almost entirely of ice. When I complained, the girl insisted that the soda water stopped the ice from melting. She said she didn't see what the problem was, and threatened to have me thrown out if I didn't "simmer down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 595

You deserved it 5 294

By Lilie - 17/12/2008 10:25 - France

Today, my sweetheart came round to drop off some underwear which I'd left at his house. Not all of what he brought was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 292

You deserved it 2 476

By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 15:55 - United States - Amsterdam

Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 925

You deserved it 2 482

Public transport FTW

By Anonymous - 17/10/2020 17:03

Today, I was riding the subway home after a long shift at hospital. I accidentally made eye contact with a sketchy dude for a split second. He launched a wide spray of spit at me. At least I was wearing scrubs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 114

Alexa, play "In The City" by The Jam

By Anonymous - 02/12/2021 08:03

Today, after I was told my new apartment in the city I’m moving to for work had off-street parking, the only car that could possibly fit is a Mini if it had first been sawn in half. I parked my perfectly normal Citroen as close to the wall as I could, but my back wheels were still on the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 39

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 20:13 - France

Today, I broke my nose by sneezing too close to a table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 263

You deserved it 7 564

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 17:46 - United States

Today, I held the door open for an old lady, before realizing she was a teacher taking 20-plus kids to lunch at local burger joint, all of whom got in front of me in the line to order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 277

You deserved it 5 218

Spreading it around

By Anonymous - 24/05/2020 14:00

Today, I overheard my co-worker talking about how she's going to Panama City, Florida this weekend and is going to "get lit." It's the middle of the pandemic, and she's going to go party on a beach. She'll be back at work Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 220

By The Draught of Living Death - 17/07/2018 15:00

Today, I shared an elevator alone with an attractive co-worker. On our way up, she let out a loud, noxious rip. She covered her nose and mouth while giving me an accusing look, as I said with a straight face, "Excuse you." Later, I received a note from HR for harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 532

You deserved it 258

By eeh - 07/05/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 592

You deserved it 103 277

With friends like these…

By Anonymous - 04/10/2020 05:01

Today, I told my “best friend” that I'd tested positive for COVID-19. She told me to “chill”. Ten years of friendship and she didn’t even ask if I was OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 212

By Livewire - 01/01/2012 01:22 - United States

Today, it's New Year's Eve. My husband and I weren't invited to any parties, and we don't have a sitter to be able to go out by ourselves. Instead, I'm watching "Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2" on the Disney channel with our 5-year-old, and my husband has passed out on the couch from sheer boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 866

You deserved it 7 512

Customer service

By retailworker - 09/01/2020 14:00

Today, at work, I was helping a customer over the phone. Another customer came and asked me a question. I let them know I'd be with them shortly. They then said "I really think you should hang up. The customer is always first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 334

You deserved it 548

By Anonymous - 21/09/2012 19:10 - United States - Clinton

Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 997

You deserved it 4 754

By I'mnotsmarttheothersarestupid - 26/01/2017 14:37 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I had to reply to my boss's comments to a 50+ page document. Every second comment could be answered by, "See the sentence above/below" because apparently someone has problems with his short term memory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 825

You deserved it 354

By Pandy1031 - 09/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Crofton

Today, as I was shampooing my hair in the shower, the power went out. Since my house has well water, no power means no water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 211

You deserved it 382

By Anonymous - 22/08/2018 12:30 - United States - Missoula

Today, I found out that I was misdiagnosed with ADHD 10 years ago and instead have bipolar disorder. For the last 10 years I have been taking meds that helped me focus on my manic / depressive state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 911

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 07/03/2012 06:46 - United States

Today, at work, we had an extremely rude customer who started cussing at us, and my coworker started cussing back. I jumped on the register to quickly bring down the line, and apologized to everyone for the scene. A secret shopper was in the line and claimed that I was rude. I got written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 817

You deserved it 2 460

By Anonymous - 03/04/2013 12:06 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I seemingly decided not to remove my foot from the pedal-clip of my bicycle until I had properly introduced myself to the cement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 270

You deserved it 6 532

By nolife - 30/08/2012 01:33 - United States - Richmond

Today, I purposely misspelled words while texting my boyfriend so he would think I was out partying and having a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 182

You deserved it 29 935

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I was at a dinner with my dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guy who I found kind of cute and tried to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he started playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly and the PSP was clearly off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 911

You deserved it 6 108

By boogery - 26/01/2015 19:17 - United States

Today, after putting a bag of dirty laundry in the laundry room to wait for an open washer, I came back to find a "free stuff" sign on all of my expensive jeans, new towels, and favorite sweatshirts. The bag was over half empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 626

You deserved it 13 472

By Dude - 23/10/2010 15:13 - Singapore

Today, I found out that the reason I'm working as a kitchen staff instead of out on the floor of the café is because the boss does not think I'm attractive enough. My boss is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 576

You deserved it 4 141

By BonGoWash - 07/02/2013 14:45 - United States - Bronxville

Today, I went to do my laundry. Having no laundry bag, I put clothes in a suitcase and headed to the basement. When my roommate saw me, she burst into tears with happiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 873

You deserved it 5 674

By so much pain... - 09/12/2017 09:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, I tried to fight my girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend because she told me he used to beat her. Turns out, she was lying to “impress” me, and her ex has a black belt in taekwondo. I’m in excruciating pain right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 028

You deserved it 4 682

By cricketeer - 03/08/2009 01:29 - United States

Today, as my son carried the cage with live food for his pet lizards up the stairs, I heard the sound of 2,500 baby crickets escaping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 260

You deserved it 6 520

By Grant Williams - 07/05/2019 17:37

Today, while mildly tipsy, I threw myself onto my bed at a weird angle and somehow managed to somersault off my bed and land in my clothes hamper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 780

By Anonymous - 11/08/2016 00:24 - United States - Denver

Today, on my way to a big convention in Chicago, I found out that when my friend said, "I live in Chicago," they really meant, "I live an hour and a half outside of Chicago." Hello traffic and hours of daily driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 583

You deserved it 1 755

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 03:33 - United States

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 271

You deserved it 4 597

Drama abounds

By Anonymous - 02/04/2020 05:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years threatened to break up with me because when she came by my work, she saw me talking to another girl. The girl was a trainee. I'm the boss of the company, so it's my responsibility to train new people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 830

You deserved it 203

I am the passenger…

By northernlass - 01/10/2010 14:32 - United States

Today, I boarded a trans-Atlantic flight by myself, and struck up a nice conversation with the passenger across the aisle. Before we even took off, the man in front of me unbuckled, stood to face me, and asked me to please shut the hell up. "It's a 9 hour flight, and you're VERY loud!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 462

You deserved it 36 898

By anonamous - 12/03/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 107

You deserved it 9 081

By AkiAnime - 22/01/2016 00:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out that the huge project I've been working on for the past week is actually a group project. Everyone in my group knew. They were just letting me do the entire thing by myself because I'm "smart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 560

You deserved it 2 621

By B.B - 07/10/2016 14:03 - United States - New York

Today, my husband brought me breakfast in bed. Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful and love him even more for the thought. But the only problem with breakfast in bed is that you have to eat what they bring you, even if it's bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 854

You deserved it 1 933

By jauregz - 25/05/2017 00:00 - Australia - Lalor

Today, my neighbours had an extremely loud party, which began at midnight and didn't end until 6. I know this because I had a 15 minute sleep, seeing as I had to wake up at quarter past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 888

You deserved it 342

By klaatu barada nikto - 20/01/2015 13:23 - United States - Des Moines

Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 161

You deserved it 2 680

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Top comments

Heidi_fml 0

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Friday 27 February 2009 20:30

My biggest pet peeve is people driving like fucking idiots because they are occupied with their phone. You deserved it.

thebaroness1984 0

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Friday 27 February 2009 20:21

You people know that you've all done it before. Do you really want to throw the first stone here?

greenman_fml 0

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Friday 27 February 2009 20:20

sue your mom for making you get into that accident for calling you asking about your safety

capslockisgood 19

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Friday 24 August 2012 23:24

Every comment you post gets thumbed down; why are you wasting everyone's time?

thebaroness1984 0

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Friday 27 February 2009 20:21

You people know that you've all done it before. Do you really want to throw the first stone here?

NeatNit 32

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Tuesday 4 June 2013 14:01

And they deserve it also. I wouldn't consider it undeserved if it happened to me while I was messing around with my phone.

Heidi_fml 0

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Friday 27 February 2009 20:30

My biggest pet peeve is people driving like fucking idiots because they are occupied with their phone. You deserved it.

tech_guy 0

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Friday 27 February 2009 20:31

thats what you get for drivin and talkin. You should have your drivers license revoked. You could have killed that guy, shithead. and no, I have never spoken on the phone while driving. even before they decided to make laws against it. Thats called...common sense

arms_akimbo 0

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Friday 27 February 2009 20:42

Car + Cell = Retard.

enormouselephant 15

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Friday 7 December 2012 2:54

The word 'retarded' is very inappropriate and dehumanizing.

joeyl2008 29

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Thursday 31 December 2015 20:18

@87 don't be retarded

Bibico_fml 0

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Friday 27 February 2009 20:58

So many people think it shows they're a multi-tasker when they're able to talk on the phone and do something else...like breathe, for instance. The OP here is a single-tasker, and probably not very good at it.

agm2010 0

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Tuesday 13 September 2011 15:58

The OP sounds like a brat and is most likely going to have his mom pay for the ticket or whatever damage there was because it 'wasn't his fault that SHE called him'.

SilentBob2040 0

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Friday 27 February 2009 21:05

Uh... what's wrong with a handsfree kit?! buy one! then you can keep both hands on the wheel and talk on the phone at the same time :P

Vaati_fml 20

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Thursday 11 September 2014 22:21

Those things are just as distracting.

somethingvague 0

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Friday 27 February 2009 21:13

Wow. You kinda had that coming for trying that hard to answer your phone while you're driving.

King_of_Kings 3

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Friday 27 February 2009 21:22

the only time you dont have both hands on the wheel while driving is if you like myself have a manual transmission car and your shifting through the gears.

milo_fml 0

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Friday 27 February 2009 21:33

Oh goddd people, lighten up! I agree talking on a phone while driving is bad, but whatever happened to just LAUGHING at a fml? Isn't that what this site is for? Making people laugh? Jeez it's a funny situation, and everyone makes mistakes. No one has a sense of humor anymore.

mimiiii_fml 0

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 14:29

i agree!!

InfiniteSecret 20

Sunday 17 September 2017 19:20

The OP could've caused a serious accident, they could've serious injured or killed someone for being so careless. A huge percentage of car crashes are because of phones. How is it funny that the OP caused a car crash from being inconsiderate and reckless