Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was hooking up with a girl, but when she got my pants down, she got mad and left, saying she was gonna kill her sister who lied to her about me having a large penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she says "Don't cum in me, my husband has plans for later." FML
Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for another man. Devastated, I asked what he had that I didn't. Apparently, "a big penis and a stable job" mean more to her than two years of love and dedication. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML
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Top comments
Diabeetus 0
Perfect reply for these situations. "It varies in size depending on how hot the girl is."
captcool024 0
haha.. stupid bitch.. hot dog down a hallway at this point.. dont worry bro she says it to everybody, because her boyfriend is a giant *****.
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Comments (75)
BloodyMary666 24
What a wh*re!!!
littlericht 3
Should of said yeah but I have scabies! That would shut the bitch up! Haha!
littlericht 3
Theres always the penis pump! :)
littlericht 3
Theres always the penis pump! :)
craign360 0
You should put whipped cream on your belly.To make it look like a bum.:)
Levicicus 6
... what?
steenfos 1
Doesnt matter, had sex?
Mucitel1 5
size dosent matter bro
StamkosTheMan91 10
So she's a little **** is what you're saying?
Solano2580 24
Get pics of her and steal her phone, get his number, and show him, then you two go and get a beer
BonerFart 23
Doesn't matter, had sex.