Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML
Today, after having some great, intimate phone sex with my boyfriend, he immediately said, "Well, gotta go," and hung up. Thanks for making me feel like some sort of phone-hooker, dude. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said, "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML
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Top comments
Monjara 4
Lmao he's jealous of a vibrator.
llamafish 25
I hope you used protection. Wouldn't want to get hearing AIDS ;)
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Comments (230)
lolmandi 9
Anger much?
TheBlackCops 0
You mad bro?
Cartera 10
I'm so mad I'm going to wring your neck and hang you from a ceiling fan.
ICastillo 25
Didn't you read that FML about you mad bro? People get a beating when they ask people that.
IsThatAHorse 5
Im no doctor, but he i think hes a bit insecure...
Il_Maestro 6
One does not need to be a doctor to identify insecurity.
mechanicgirl315 0
Ow
day624 14
Hes very violent.. I suggest a therapist
SliceOfCake 9
There's a difference between jealousy and violence.
geoelectric 5
To be fair, OP was having a quiet candlelight dinner with it at the time.
wildchild565 3
What's OP?
monkeywrench1 10
Original Poster You're welcome ;)
perdix 31
Because a vibrator isn't stupid enough to get a job to keep his wife in fresh batteries ;)
klorehore 24
sounds like an immature boyfriend, mine thinks the idea of me using a vibrator is really a turn on and he even takes initiative on using it on me himself during foreplay. Exactly how it should be ! :)
Kiki242 19
I read your comment too fast and thought you said he uses it on himself. :/
ezelisko 1
IS HE FRIGGIN GAY OR PLAIN CRAZY?!?!
angelinaanimerg 7
LMFAO what an idiot
jneville 5
Bang!