Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML
Today, after having some great, intimate phone sex with my boyfriend, he immediately said, "Well, gotta go," and hung up. Thanks for making me feel like some sort of phone-hooker, dude. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said, "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML
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Top comments
Monjara 4
Lmao he's jealous of a vibrator.
llamafish 25
I hope you used protection. Wouldn't want to get hearing AIDS ;)
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Comments (230)
Omnomnomnivore 10
Someone has issues..
gfoxx17ii 0
I'm a little teapot, short and stout; here's my handle, and here's my spout. When I get pissy and all worked up, that's when you hear me puff and shout, "Shut me up and kick me out." - Signed, The "Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch".
anon_e_m00se 8
next time, call me instead ;-)
MoogleSam 8
You should probably go see him and tell him that you were trying to sound sexy when you were describing what you were doing with the vibrator and then ask him why he overreacted so badly to it. It is likely to be a feeling of inadequacy about his ability to pleasure or the size of his penis. The former of which might warrant worry as many women admit faking orgasms but the latter of which is ridiculous in many cases as women don't care unless it is either only an inch in length (too short to be useful really), or incredibly long such as 14 inches (very painful if the person doesn't know how much length on average that they should be using). In either case, comfort him and tell him that he has no need to worry as your vibrator can't replace him, it is simply an alternative release for when he isn't there or he isn't in the mood and it could easily be included in foreplay if you like to use toys.
wittygirl 8
I don't get why People thumbed your comment down. I think it be good they communicated so they can find a happy balance. -shrugs-
Levvy 22
I'm not sure either. Maybe because the harsh, glib responses are more satisfying?
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Wtf are you talking about 96
283leis 8
Ummm what's a fleshlight?
LulusLemon 8
lmaaaoo
The_Hitdude 12
106- Google it. It'll come up with a variety of colorful pictures and links! But, just to spoil your fun: It's a male masturbation tool. It's basically the male equivalent of a vibrator, but shaped like a large flashlight. The tip of the "flashlight" is rubber, and made to feel like either A. A mouth. Or B. A ****** Hence, Fleshlight You're welcome. ;)
thatoneguy79 10
OP: It sounds to me like your boyfriend was not comfortable with the vibes you were giving off. Perhaps he was wishing he could give you a hand since you seemed to be enjoying yourself, or didn't realize how hard it would be for him to be away from you. I'm sure after he has recovered he will be back into you and didn't mean to come off so strong. Keep at it, and I have little doubt you will find pleasure again.
savythesavage 4
LOL!