Intimacy, Sex, Annoying and Relatable: Are Men OK? - FML

Are Men OK?

By Anonymous - 02/10/2023 04:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend tried to use the “It’s my birthday” excuse to get access to my booty hole. Last time he used the “My favourite aunt died” excuse, and before that, the night of our fourth date, he used the “I’m drunk and can’t find the right hole” excuse. Take the hint, no means never. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 217

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Same thing different taste

What is wrong with these dudes?

By Anonymous - 01/08/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend tried to use his “grief” at the death of a coworker to get butt sex, even though I know for a fact he didn’t like the guy that much, and just last week wished for the guy to get hit by a bus. Pretty despicable way to try get back door access if you ask me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 310

You deserved it 459

No gifts for you

By Birthdaypoop - 20/06/2022 12:00

Today, it’s my birthday. Not only did my boyfriend of 5 years forget, when I reminded him, he said very unenthusiastically, “Oh, Happy Birthday.” When I said, “That’s it?” he got annoyed and said,“Well, what else do you want me to tell you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 1 232

By Anonymous - 24/06/2011 23:36 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead. He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 107

You deserved it 4 237

How Soon is Now?

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 12:59 - Colombia - Bogota

Today, I realized that my boyfriend‘s birthday was two weeks ago, so I immediately sent him a message as if it was today. He didn’t believe my excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 1 851

Couple of issues

By Anonymous - 03/10/2023 20:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend confessed the reason we haven’t been intimate in months is because he can’t get it up unless he is drunk. I’ve been refusing to get intimate when he’s drunk because it’s not enjoyable and mostly painful, but I still have needs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 156

By cek4uytp - 25/06/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend caught me in a lie about being on my period. He memorized my menstrual cycle, but still forgot that today is my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 754

You deserved it 18 594

By Anonymous - 30/01/2010 14:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend, of a year, got drunk and called me flat chested then said the reason he won't have sex with me anymore is because he is "used" to me. He said all of this in front of his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 398

You deserved it 2 918

Boozehound

By not an alchy - 09/05/2021 19:59

Today, my boyfriend tried to confront me about my “drinking problem”. He claims that the last time he was at my place, I had a full bottle of rum and now it’s gone. He hasn’t spent the night at my house in over two months and it was a half bottle of Malibu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 101

He's the problem

By Anonymous - 16/03/2023 21:00 - United States - Monticello

Spicy

Today, I realized that my boyfriend of 3 years saying that his back is always hurting to avoid putting in any work during the bedroom Hokey Pokey was his way of saying I’m a lame screw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 316

By pocketrocket90 - 08/08/2014 06:05 - Australia - Capalaba

Spicy

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 399

You deserved it 5 327

Next

Top comments

Nikki 16

Monday 2 October 2023 4:03

Ask to do it back on your birthday, I bet he’ll understand no then

core01 30

Monday 2 October 2023 4:19

just dump him. it will NEVER cease.

Comments

Nikki 16

Monday 2 October 2023 4:03

Ask to do it back on your birthday, I bet he’ll understand no then

Gubbon 17

Monday 2 October 2023 8:45

What if he's into that?

Nikki 16

Monday 2 October 2023 12:07

What if she’s into it too?

core01 30

Monday 2 October 2023 4:19

just dump him. it will NEVER cease.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 2 October 2023 4:59

I'm guessing his eyes light up when you call him an asshole.

headlock95 3

Monday 2 October 2023 5:40

No doesn’t mean never. No means not this time. Have you actually communicated to him that you don’t want to do that?

TheSentinel05 10

Tuesday 26 March 2024 21:05

pretty sure “no” means “not today.”

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The Top

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 079

You deserved it 18 229

Today, it's only been two months since my daughter has owned her home and now she wants to move back to my house because she lost her job and can’t afford the mortgage, plus she got pregnant off a one-night stand and needs my help with the baby. Bang goes my plans for a quiet retirement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 112

The Top

Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes, she was serious. I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 500

You deserved it 3 712

It just disappears!

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 84

Today, I took my iPod to Walmart to replace the battery. They tell me to call Apple. I go home again and call Apple. They tell me to call Walmart. I call Walmart. They tell me to bring it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 801

You deserved it 3 969

Today, at work, someone shat outside the bathroom door. Not outside the stall, but in the actual hallway. Guess who got fired for refusing to clean it up! I’m a cashier at a tool supply company and the only female employee. Four dudes refused before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 529

You deserved it 358

Today, my boyfriend left for a month-long trip with his buddies. I stood near the door waiting for a goodbye kiss. He kissed his xbox goodbye instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 412

You deserved it 5 878

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 554

You deserved it 6 950