Miscellaneous: Today, my mom told me I was a bad daughter because I didn't get...

By andrie09 - 07/07/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me I was a bad daughter because I didn't get anything for my parents' anniversary. I just sent my brother a check for $400 for my share of their gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 252

You deserved it 3 060

Miscellaneous

Batman

Mama's boy

Sorry…

New life

By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 17:04 - Germany

Today, after losing my job, my apartment and my man, I had to move back in with my mom, at 37. She’s a total slob; I can’t function without clean, organized spaces. So, hey, at least I have a new full-time job now: cleaning up after her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 155

By Anonymous - 08/07/2019 18:01 - United States

Today, I'm so single, I signed up for a free consultation on an LGBT arranged marriage site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 273

You deserved it 390

By ineedbetterfriends - 15/06/2013 21:08 - Netherlands - Amersfoort

Today, I told my friend, who's a marriage counsellor, about some of the things my husband does that I hate, like snoring loudly and eating with his mouth open. I wasn't asking for advice, but she just looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Divorce." Bye-bye, faith in humanity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 572

You deserved it 5 719

By foreverDark - 14/05/2012 12:40 - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth. I'd knocked down furniture and screamed up the house to do so, but I finally got it. What did I see first thing this morning? Another moth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 591

You deserved it 23 418

By snortingspunk - 03/12/2015 12:52 - South Africa

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 320

You deserved it 4 074

'Murica

By Maryann - 08/02/2018 01:30

Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 276

You deserved it 623

By FML - 04/09/2015 16:27 - United States - Maricopa

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 629

You deserved it 1 713

By Anonymous - 18/06/2015 16:56 - Netherlands - Gennep

Today, I was in a hot tub at a public sauna. After chatting with a friendly couple, I decided to go get some lunch. I was halfway out of the water when the man started laughing and said he'd thought I was a woman. I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 916

You deserved it 2 313

By Shoe - 27/02/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, my boss told me he suspected his wife was cheating on him. I told him to pull up her Facebook page to look for suspicious activity. I looked at her profile picture and said, "Damn, that girl next to her fine! You know her?" It was his sixteen year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 903

You deserved it 39 803

By Anonymous - 23/03/2013 20:15 - United States - Staten Island

Today, after I had changed my number to get away from my abusive ex, my mom decided to give him my new one. She insists that I need to give him another chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 077

You deserved it 3 412

By Idk anymore - 23/07/2019 17:00 - United States - Modesto

Today, I came out to my parents. My mom and dad think that I'm lying, just so I could "fit in" with everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 877

You deserved it 313

Unimpressed

By kylie - 02/04/2021 17:01

Today, my doctor told me that I have severely and permanently injured my shoulder. Last week, I attempted to lift more weight than I normally do in an effort to impress my boyfriend. He was not impressed. In fact he said that most kids can lift more than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 849

Completely wet

By Anonymous - 27/02/2020 20:00

Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 1 927

One-handed typing

By Justin Parker - 17/06/2021 04:00

Today, I was changing a flat tire on my car when it fell off the jack and crushed my hand. After ripping my hand free and waiting 2 hours for AAA, I get to go find out if my hand is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 96

By shat - 12/12/2015 07:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 873

You deserved it 2 471

By hjkashld - 24/04/2012 01:48 - United States

Today, I faked back pain to get out of sex with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 489

You deserved it 36 366

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 09:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I left home to start my new life at University. Saying goodbye to my mother, the last thing she said to me was "Don't turn gay". I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 748

You deserved it 11 129

By Anonymous - 28/08/2013 16:11 - United States - Spokane

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 603

You deserved it 10 390

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 03:03 - United States

Today, I had a panic attack because my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to choke me in the middle of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 672

You deserved it 6 095

Let me Slytherin

By Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 884

You deserved it 10 934

By JustAnotherFML23 - 04/09/2013 01:32 - United States - Seattle

Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 402

You deserved it 7 056

Doofus

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 13:58 - New Zealand

Today, I discovered that the father of my son cheated on me, but with fake sex bots that pretend to be real people. I don’t know whether I’m more disappointed in him cheating, or the fact that he couldn’t even get it right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 165

By Lissa - 14/09/2016 00:00 - United States - Baldwin

Today, my stupid coworker informed the managers that there were no more kids' menus downstairs. Trusting her word, they ordered 3 full boxes. She then asked me where we kept them. We now have 12,000 kids menus to fold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 680

You deserved it 945

By Margaret - 26/12/2018 02:00

Today, I saw some random iTunes charge on my bank account so I called who I thought was iTunes customer support to figure out the $5 charge, then got scammed into buying $1,400 worth of gift cards. The man on the phone was not with iTunes and took all my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 5 431

By bellerz14 - 23/12/2011 02:58 - United States

Today, I saw my dad sitting in the car alone, blaring classical music, blowing up beach balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 934

You deserved it 4 196

By janused - 18/02/2015 17:17 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my dad still refuses to repay the loan I gave him. I've just barely managed to pay my bills, and I'm now so poor that I'll have to survive the next 3 days until my next paycheck by eating the only thing left in my fridge: a jar of cheese whiz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 840

You deserved it 3 614

By SomeoneElse - 14/07/2009 13:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a music shop looking for a new guitar when someone called out someone else's name and jumped on my back. I lost balance and fell forward and broke 3 guitars and damaged another 6. The guy said "Sorry, thought you were someone else" and ran out. I now have to pay £2500. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 246

You deserved it 3 348

By preggo - 01/08/2011 01:16 - United States

Today, someone asked when my baby was due. I'm not pregnant, but I was so embarrassed to be mistaken for a pregnant lady that I rubbed my tummy and said "December." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 260

You deserved it 15 629

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 05:59 - United States - Jeromesville

Today, a friend invited me to christmas dinner since I have no family close by. When I got there she told me her and her husband forgot they had another dinner to go to and asked if I would watch their kids for them. They each grabbed a handful of cookies I had baked and rushed out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 073

You deserved it 2 877

By SingleGirl - 07/09/2009 15:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum grounded me for going to my boyfriend's house instead of the library. She said my boyfriend's mum phoned up because she could hear us having it off in his room. When I denied it my mum shouted at me for being a liar as well as a slut. I did go to the library. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 970

You deserved it 4 204

By IllJustGetYouASweaterThen - 04/08/2010 07:58 - United States

Today, I was called handsome. Too bad it was coming from a trashed homeless lady, who then went on to tell me that she likes my lips and wants to rape me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 343

You deserved it 4 180

How do I put it?

By weswithaute - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E," I replied. Without missing a beat, she says, "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 692

You deserved it 7 967

By dumbfriend - 12/03/2012 19:48 - United States

Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 747

You deserved it 4 046

By Anonymous - 25/08/2012 03:31 - United States - Tucson

Today, I was at a job interview. The interviewer spoke to me for a few minutes, then said she would be right back, and left. I was left alone in a room for an hour and a half believing that it was a patience test. They closed the store for the day, leaving me in the interview room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 086

You deserved it 2 505

By AussieGirl - 21/11/2009 11:40 - Australia

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 071

You deserved it 3 995

Thanks, auntie

By itwasmyfavoriteshirt - 16/08/2012 19:28 - United States - Bentonville

Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 001

You deserved it 3 668

By Cammy - 29/04/2009 07:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 312

You deserved it 63 231

By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything was going great, and even the veterans on the force were warming up to me. That is until my mother came into the station carrying a brown bag for my lunch. Written on the bag was, "Lunch for my big boy. I love you, pumpkin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 940

You deserved it 6 310

Panic attack

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 675

You deserved it 18 037

By Anonymous - 25/04/2011 22:38 - United States

Today, I was at the bakery I work at. A man came in to pick up a cake he said he ordered, but we could find neither the cake nor the order form. He yelled at me about being 'incompetent' before remembering that he had ordered the cake from a different bakery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 038

You deserved it 2 990

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Top comments

iceblitz 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 9:03

Wow ur brother should really include you in the card or something

teehee520 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 9:14

Wtf. Your brother`s a douche for either keeping the money or not giving you credit as well. And your mom`s a bitch for saying that.

iceblitz 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 9:03

Wow ur brother should really include you in the card or something

letitbe56 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 13:39

That's what I was thinking. Her brother clearly asked her to pay a lot of money and gave her no credit. That's incredibly rude.

kaytee05 0

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Friday 16 April 2010 21:16

that would piss me off to no end! I'm sorry :(

Ms_Thingie 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 9:05

Awww that's so sad but look on the bright side u learned a life lesson: never trust ur brother!!!!

dacho 7

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 12:48

I think everyone here missed the point. She JUST sent her brother the money, which means their gift for anniversary will be late, not that her brother scammed her! And 'FML' here is that her mother thinks she's a bad daughter, when she had JUST SENT the money for their gift...

sam_stalker 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 9:07

Sue your brother

aerials_fml 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 9:08

Well, I hope that you at least explained the situation. YDI if you didn't say anything and let your brother take all the credit.

RyeBreadBoy 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 9:58

i agree. tell your mom you gave your brother money for the gift. then tell your brother you want to see the receipt to make sure he didn't rip you off and buy the gift with solely your money. if he was willing to deny you credit, i don't think this is out of the realm of possibility.

isantorin 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 10:10

I agree with this.

itsgen 16

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 9:08

cheap skate of a mom

jncwmnd 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 10:12

yeah, why the hell does your mom care so much if YOU didn't get her anything? it's their anniversary, so technically it has nothing to do with you.

abcxyz123 0

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Thursday 9 July 2009 8:28

yea..... kind of fucked up

dearViena 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 9:12

not an fml

Essentials 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 9:13

Kick your brothers ass and tell your mom to fuckoff for being a bad mom.

U_idiot 1

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 9:13

I'm sure you explained everything to her? Right?

jenna_rae 0

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Sunday 24 April 2011 19:55

we better hope so

teehee520 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 9:14

Wtf. Your brother`s a douche for either keeping the money or not giving you credit as well. And your mom`s a bitch for saying that.

_Noon_ 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 9:15

Oh, that's not nice. Did you tell your mother about your share in the gift? $400 is a lot btw :| especially if that's only half the money! I wonder what it was..

anniebananie 3

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 17:37

Umm.. probably jewelry? $400 doesn't really buy you much jewelry, btw, that's really not that much money.

rightsaidred 3

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Thursday 9 July 2009 17:48

It's a lot for a lot of people. And my 1/3 carat engagement ring only cost $400, so I'm not sure what world you're living in where $400 won't buy jewelry.