Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During... - FML

By Pissssd - 31/8/2009 01:56 - United States

Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that... so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology. FML

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Understandable

Serious times

Noise

By Hello Nurse - 24/9/2012 04:32 - United States - El Macero

Today, a very attractive man asked me out. I'd have been flattered if I weren't the nurse assigned to his laboring wife. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2017 20:00

Today, I accidentally superglued my hand to my grandmother's ornate fan while trying to fix it. FML

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By ashamed - 20/1/2016 19:00 - Germany

Today, I realized how much of a nutter my mother really is as she decided to write on a high visibility vest a "warning" that all foreigners, especially refugees, want to rape German women. She now wants to wear it each and every day in our hometown. FML

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By Courtney - 26/5/2016 12:12 - United States

Today, at my job as a teacher, I saw a student cut another student's hair, I stopped a group of students from eating glue, and I had to tell a student to put away the toy cars he was playing with. I teach high school math. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2018 01:30

Today, my insanely religious 60-year-old neighbor screamed at me when I left my home to go to work. I was wearing jeans and that’s apparently improper for a female adult. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

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By JustSayNo - 11/8/2013 23:23 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 17:11 - Germany

Today, as I passed a printout over my shoulder to my mum, I managed to give myself a papercut on my tear duct. FML

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By Hairball - 10/12/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML

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By brob56 - 23/4/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

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By tsu3 - 16/11/2009 15:14 - Germany

Today, after spending about 5 years to go back to school, get my life together and get a real job, I now make about $100 less a month. I used to work as a dishwasher. FML

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By booooo - 7/3/2011 21:38 - France

Today, I withdrew €40 at the ATM to pay for dinner later tonight. It wasn't until I went to pay for it that I realized I'd taken the receipt, but left the cash in the ATM. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2019 20:07

Today, I spilled grape juice on my new white shirt. I bleached it and scrubbed it until there was nothing left to see. I threw it on, ready to dart out of the door, when my dad walks in after fixing the lawnmower and puts his greasy hand right on my shoulder. FML

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By oopsies - 8/1/2010 01:07 - United States

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

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By not the scalpel - 15/9/2012 07:36 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML

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By fml_anon - 19/3/2016 08:33 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to spend a depressingly long time convincing my 29-year-old husband that our house isn't haunted and that the door slammed shut because it was windy outside. I repeat, "29-year-old husband" and "haunted". It's like I'm married to a child. FML

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By hoo flung pu - 3/10/2013 08:26 - United States

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

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By Decker - 14/2/2010 01:04 - United States

Today, I went to a crowded Walmart with a hot new girl I'm dating. It was raining and we had to park far from the entrance. As soon as we get out of my car, she starts sprinting to get out of the rain. I run to catch up and slip on a metal plate, and do a reverse superman onto my ass. FML

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By Rhea - 28/10/2009 11:00 - Australia

Today, I won a raffle organised by a friend. I discovered one of the "prizes" was actually a present that I had given to her, that she had "loved". When I asked her where she had gotten it, she said, "Oh, just some crap someone gave me once." She didn't even remember that I had given it to her. FML

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By intheairtonight - 25/4/2012 06:22 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2014 13:04 - Israel

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was sad, but the only thing my mom could say was, "You should have waited until I got him to mow the lawn." FML

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By kinkicali - 20/11/2012 08:43 - United States - Maple Valley

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

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By nubs - 27/9/2018 15:30

Today, my dad wants a divorce. I can either stay with my wine-loving mom or move 300km away with my dad. FML

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By . - 5/8/2016 16:57 - Germany - Neuwied

Today, I had to hide some Oreos inside my bra to motivate my husband to get close to me. FML

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By ChelseaRae - 6/7/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I was flipping through a magazine and saw an ad that had the line "No corn, no wheat, no soy", all of which I'm severely allergic to. I got so excited at the prospect of having a food I could eat, I fell out of my chair. I then realized it was an ad for dog food. FML

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By soy_un_perderdor - 13/12/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, it's Saturday. While all my friends go out to have fun, I get my excitement thinking about how I'll be sleeping with a new pillow. FML

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By avatarnicole9 - 4/6/2015 05:17 - Canada

Today, while going for a walk, I saw two bunnies next to the road. Apparently, I was scarier than the oncoming traffic, because one of them decided to sprint into the road as I walked by. I could hear its bones crunch as it got hit by a car. FML

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By Somekindofcaleb - 11/9/2017 01:30

Today, my car died after I got off work at 1am. All of my coworkers had already left and nobody could come out to jump my car. I had to walk the 3 miles home in a torrential downpour. FML

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By DeActivated - 4/5/2013 00:39 - United States - West Jordan

Today, I was at dance rehearsal. As a male dancer I like to keep the fact that I dance a secret because of the stupid stereotypes male dancers have. This plan was quickly shot down when I discovered I was performing at my school. FML

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By megaladon - 28/6/2010 08:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML

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By Maria - 20/8/2012 13:25 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, a stranger came up to me with a flirty smile, greeted me by my name, and asked if I remembered him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember, so I asked him to tell me. He promptly left with a disappointed look. He was the most gorgeous person I've ever seen. FML

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By hakura madada - 22/6/2012 19:41 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML

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By kaley - 14/12/2019 03:00

Real dream

Today, I woke up to find that I had given myself a haircut in my sleep. I have a presentation today and a job interview tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2019 18:00

Today, I realised the recruiter for the Navy lied to me. This shit ain't fun. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2014 14:39 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

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By Dina - 23/11/2008 09:24 - France

Today, whilst chatting with my mum on MSN, she unintentionally sent me an animated emoticon of a penis jerking off repeatedly. I don't even want to know the type of conversation she was having. FML

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By lonely girl - 11/3/2013 04:17 - United States

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

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By Hotsauce887 - 29/3/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my head. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my head down. My sombrero caught on fire. FML

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By pizza girl - 30/8/2013 04:33 - United States - Nettleton

Today, a lady cussed me out for not bringing her salad and pizza to her table. She then wanted her money back. I work at a buffet; a self-serve buffet. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2018 15:00

Today, UPS delivered my kinky sex toys to my ex-husband. Apparently the delivery went wrong so they sent it to the last known address. He called to say he got my "package" and I had to go pick it up. FML

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Top comments

By My_averageFML | 0

#528877 - Monday 31 August 2009 9:18

dude, you should tell them that it's a misunderstanding.

By lendmeyourteeth | 0

#528906 - Monday 31 August 2009 9:28

job > no job

COMMENTS

By My_averageFML | 0

#528877 - Monday 31 August 2009 9:18

dude, you should tell them that it's a misunderstanding.

Reply

FenderYK | 0

#529033 - Monday 31 August 2009 11:33

Wow this FML brings back good memories, like back in 00' when I first got my Game Boy Color. I remember all my friends having it and I felt so in place to be able to play Pokemon Gold/Silver with them. It made me really happy :)

Reply

LewJH | 0

#529210 - Monday 31 August 2009 14:35

Those were the good days...

By scifi | 0

#528885 - Monday 31 August 2009 9:21

At least you have a job. Anyway, it is easier to move around inside a company than to get into it from the outside

By lendmeyourteeth | 0

#528906 - Monday 31 August 2009 9:28

job > no job

By Scorpitarrius | 0

#528914 - Monday 31 August 2009 9:34

You probably got your degree at a b.s. school in the Cayman Islands or something...oh well, work your way up, and when they need test sublects, hook me up.

By no1askdu | 5

#528931 - Monday 31 August 2009 9:48

Today, i have a job. FML

Reply

123sploosh | 0

#529317 - Monday 31 August 2009 16:07

thats just stupid.

By KarmaLanding | 0

#528948 - Monday 31 August 2009 10:10

What, exactly, is a "test sublect"?

By hkguy | 0

#528951 - Monday 31 August 2009 10:12

Own goal. NEVER talk about past work that you prefer not to repeat - of course if they ask you directly what did you do, give them the facts, but you have to lead them back to what you want.

By Entracte | 0

#528957 - Monday 31 August 2009 10:17

At least you aren't a thermometer. :/

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#528969 - Monday 31 August 2009 10:35

Or a bedpan. D:

By youEQUALtosser | 0

#528974 - Monday 31 August 2009 10:37

Well, you're better off than many people right now. Shouldn't be a FML.

By inflagranti | 0

#529043 - Monday 31 August 2009 11:37

as I was reading the fml I thought the OP was black but then I realized I was being racist... still picturing him as Craig Robinson tho