Work: Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going...

By elevatorjerk - 02/09/2009 13:01 - United States

Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 615

You deserved it 13 915

Work

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Compromises

Dysfunctional

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 20:12 - Canada

Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how "this is for you," I played for about 3 seconds before I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 193

You deserved it 6 352

By angela - 12/06/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I thought my face was breaking out with pimples, and I thought it was weird because I never break out. And I noticed all these "bug bites" all over my body. When I got home, I realized those weren't bug bites. I have chicken pox, and my high school graduation is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 229

You deserved it 3 700

By anonymous - 25/05/2011 14:33 - Singapore

Today, I inexplicably claimed ownership of someone else's fart in the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 318

You deserved it 36 929

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 22:00

Today, my boyfriend just told me the picture of "him as a baby" was really his son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 113

You deserved it 158

By Anonymous - 04/01/2009 05:24 - France

Today, I withdrew $120 from the ATM at the hotel I'm staying at, only to have no money come out. When I talked to the concierge, who witnessed the whole thing, she said it had been happening all day and that the machine was broken. My bank says it's the hotel's problem, and the hotel says it's the bank's problem. Either way, I'm out $120. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 685

You deserved it 2 037

By Bes - 14/06/2009 15:54 - Canada

Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 970

You deserved it 51 240

By shugberry - 01/09/2019 12:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my mum on the London Underground. We were standing on the platform, when she suddenly bought up a load of phlegm in her mouth. Instead of trying to find a bin, she just full on spat out the biggest green pile on the floor next to people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 116

By Ulysse - 23/11/2008 16:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought my new electric razor. I tried it, and washed it. I started to shake it, in order to get rid of the water. It was pretty slippy, and it exploded on the floor of my bathroom. The warranty doesn't cover this, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 962

You deserved it 8 552

Work work work work

By ghk - 26/09/2021 20:00

Today, I had my first day off in six months. My mother immediately came down to my room and demanded that I clean the entire house. As I was cleaning, she said, "You don’t get to relax. Ever. Lazy ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 99

By imsorrylove - 31/03/2010 04:44 - United States

Today, I took pills to make sure I lasted longer with my girlfriend. Good news? It worked fine and is still working now. Bad news? We've been done for a good two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 144

You deserved it 33 016

By Anonymous - 03/07/2012 23:50 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 660

You deserved it 3 615

By me - 19/12/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, after buying some groceries, I walked back to my car. After trying several times to get in the door, I finally look up and see a terrified little boy holding onto his teacup poodle for dear life, frantically waving me away. My car was two spots over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 887

You deserved it 28 516

By Anonymous - 22/06/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I had a job interview with a person named Chris. The entire time I couldn't figure out if Chris was a man or woman. The interview went as good as it could have went. At the end I said, "Thank you very much sir." Wrong gender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 363

You deserved it 18 928

In my day…

By thanks dad - 01/08/2020 02:02

Today, we were slowly introducing my daughter to the pool to help her get over her terrible fear of water. My father-in-law scoffed, called us pussies, and tossed my daughter straight into the water. When I threw him out, he insisted he was just trying to teach her to swim "the right way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 246

By anonomous - 07/04/2012 15:27 - United States

Today, after years of secretly faking my orgasms, my husband gave me my first real one. Afterward was also the first time he ever accused me of faking it because, "It was different from all the other times." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 920

You deserved it 46 138

By ideserveit - 28/05/2016 22:10 - Finland

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend after a fight. I told him the reason I was so irritable is because I'm on my period. He yelped in disgust and nearly fell out of bed. Good to know I'm dating a man-child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 947

You deserved it 1 808

By poop - 08/03/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 908

You deserved it 22 068

By chase - 25/01/2013 00:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 144

You deserved it 53 102

By Liz - 26/03/2016 19:26 - United States - Torrance

Today, my boss/husband fired me from my job because I didn't sleep with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 213

You deserved it 3 573

Not now, mom

By A-train - 13/09/2020 08:01 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, it was supposed to be my wedding day. This is the second time we've had to postpone it. The first was due to COVID, this time the sudden passing of my fiance's mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 137

By Quin - 31/05/2019 14:00

Today, I was running around the track at school PE with a lot of other students. I noticed a guy who smelled really bad and I thought to myself how disgusting that was and I felt bad for him. Later, I was changing and caught a whiff of my shirt. It wasn't him who was smelly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 1 963

By zazzleface - 09/04/2012 12:23 - United States - Bergenfield

Today, my mom was in the kitchen when her shirt caught on fire. Acting quickly, I poured my glass of water on her. Instead of thanking me, she yelled at me for making a mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 217

You deserved it 2 358

By meach - 06/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of a bad haircut. She was the one who cut my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 751

You deserved it 4 166

By megatron - 16/03/2016 17:04 - United States - Naperville

Today, my roommate decided to go on a group trip instead of paying our water bill. Now I can't shower until next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 919

You deserved it 1 563

By Anonymous - 05/07/2015 06:18 - United States - Cranford

Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I like, who also happens to be my coworker. She told my boss, and they're laughing about it as I type this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 268

You deserved it 3 103

By NocturnalFox - 25/08/2015 19:46 - Czech Republic - Plzen

Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Right before the date, I noticed a monstrous pimple in the middle of my forehead. I covered it with make-up, but it was still visible. The guy spent the whole evening laughing at me and telling me that I look like an unicorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 828

You deserved it 2 169

By Noname - 13/03/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 132

You deserved it 5 307

By neckcrack - 07/09/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 154

You deserved it 23 992

By Alien - 29/12/2015 11:07 - Switzerland

Today, after dating this girl for 3 months, I finally introduced her to my friends. She looked panicked during the date, and after it she broke up with me. When I asked why, she told me she could try to deal with a black friend, but not with a gay one. I've been dating a moron all this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 027

You deserved it 2 624

Disclosure

By ummm eww - 12/06/2020 20:05

Today, my friend and I decided to have a "special intimate" moment together at his house. As soon as I start to really get into it, he said to me, "I sort of wanna do your mom." Way to kill the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 834

You deserved it 225

By Sad - 01/03/2009 09:08 - United States

Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 188

You deserved it 309 435

By wrongnumber - 14/01/2011 08:37 - United States

Today, someone posted online a listing for a bicycle for sale, and accidentally put my phone number instead of their own. I have received more calls in one day than I have from friends and family in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 524

You deserved it 3 197

By gentileman - 16/03/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588 717

You deserved it 99 798

Make the most of it

By Godmish - 02/01/2009 05:37 - France

Today, I received a text message from my girlfriend, saying, "Do you remember the last time we slept together?" I replied straight away, "Of course, it was great!" To which she replies, "I hope you made the most of it, because it was the last time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 425

You deserved it 2 701

By freakofnature - 31/03/2012 16:17 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I visited my new doctor, hoping that he would be able to figure out the cause of the pains I've been having for years. He told me there's nothing he can do, that half the drugs out there cause cancer anyway and that I should look into homeopathy. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 496

You deserved it 2 375

Supportive

By Burden - 12/03/2021 06:31 - India

Today, once again, my mom ranted about how she sacrificed so much for me by moving to a better city. I said it was for my education and to stop making me feel like a burden. She scoffed, "Right, you never should've been born. My mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 130

By ::Tracy:: - 17/04/2011 09:32 - Australia

Today, a young boy helped me carry my groceries home. He then asked me to sign his sheet to certify that he had done half an hour of service to the elderly. I'm 46. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 675

You deserved it 5 815

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 10:55 - Turkey

Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 784

You deserved it 5 965

By Anonymous - 31/10/2014 10:46 - Australia

Today, my friend thought she would "save me some time" by spoiling Game of Thrones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 849

You deserved it 4 453

By sleepless - 20/06/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, my insomnia started back up again. It was too late to get something to help me sleep so I was lying there wondering what I should do. I decided to listen to some ambient music. It helped a lot, but when I was about to fall asleep my parents decided to start doing 'it'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 986

You deserved it 2 883

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Top comments

MaxOfMetal 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:32

Then how did he get in and choose his floor in the first place? I'm calling shenanigans.

thatpianoguy612 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:31

Ouch.

thatpianoguy612 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:31

Ouch.

JustSoLost 8

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 23:51

I agree. ´*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´ ♥«´¨`•°αυ∂яιиα°•´¨`»♥ .¸.•*(¸.•*´♥`*•.¸)`*•.

dannnn_fml 0

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Friday 16 April 2010 5:58

poor armless guy :(

ZTB13 4

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Friday 12 November 2010 15:04

How did he get on? Don't you have to push a button for the doors to open? And before the dickhole comments come in let me answer now... 1) He could push it with his foot (which I have seen done). In that case it shouldn't be a hard task for him to repeat, and if he can't then he isn't trying hard enough and not meeting his potential. 2) Somebody could have pressed the button for him. In this case he should pay it forward and stop being an asshole. How is he gonna hit the button? See #1

Firewielder 17

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Monday 21 July 2014 17:05

Or, he used his nose.

MaxOfMetal 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:32

Then how did he get in and choose his floor in the first place? I'm calling shenanigans.

whatheffers 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:34

someone else couldve pushed it for him, then gotten off on a floor before that.

lolwatlol 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 21:08

his nose

Beef_Sister 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 21:13

^^ WIN

Mirequetz 6

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 22:10

Agreeing with Max, "someone could have pushed it for him and got out" it just too much of a coincidence. Anyway, if it was true, he should have noticed him/her looking through his/her bag. I'm pretty sure it's not the first time it has happened to the guy.

lifeislife_fml 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 3:05

It could have been just his forearms that were gone. Or even if he didn't have any arms at all, he could have gotten in the elevator with somebody else, though the way this FML is written, it seems unlikely.

Lone_Wolf_099 5

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Monday 3 May 2010 11:31

I was gonna say his lower finger but how would he get it out to hit a button? if its to High for that he can nub it.

TomPusslicker 21

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 15:08

probably just misheard op.

pompomkiwi 14

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Friday 3 January 2014 6:55

Exactly

feliciaberk 7

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Tuesday 15 September 2015 15:42

He didn't choose his floor. He probably would have waited for someone else or the op to press the button. Damn. Some people are just dumb. But u were in a rush and there is no way u could she known op. Fyl

californian21 13

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Saturday 10 October 2015 23:33

His nose.

thatpianoguy612 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:34

WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAA HOLY CRAP I WON. Anyway. Yeah, ouch. Hardly your fault but ouch.

zachbredberg 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 1:37

i lost the game :(

PandaPandaPandaX 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 12:33

Goddamnit. You suck! Haha

karatekidcatblue 0

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Friday 14 May 2010 3:49

I lost the game

Rickilynn1 10

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Thursday 18 August 2011 22:43

What game ?

screwtaylor 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:34

He could have used his tongue to press it. How selfish is he!

Intoxicunt 5

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:42

I was thinking the same thing, but not with his tongue. ;D

screwtaylor 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:47

Totally. The OP could pull the guy's pants down and he could do it like that.. what they do next is history. :P

kukopia 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:49

Depends what floor he needed to push... the buttons for higher floors are usually 'higher'...

plexico 3

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:52

Yay, you're back! I was going to say, "What's the problem? You've got a fucking nose, don't you?"

Intoxicunt 5

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:53

He managed to push the button to make the doors open and his own floor's button, I'm assuming. :) Totally! Bow chicka wow wow. That raises the question of how he goes to the bathroom alone....

plexico 3

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 21:09

kukopia, If the OP lived on a high floor, she could always show him her tits to help him reach the button. Unless she had nasty tits and then would end up in the parking garage.

brill 3

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 22:51

ahahah. that last statement is genius.

feminist19 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:36

what would he have done without you? shouted at the buttons? bull shit

youthink_fml 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:38

expecting a stranger, someone you obviously hadn't even made eye contact with, to do anything for you, even as simple as pushing that button, because getting your phone is more important just shows how important you think you are. and pretty self-centered too. push your own button and get your phone after.

deja54 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 21:06

What? No, that's not a reasonable assumption at all in any civilized society.

AtLeastImHigh 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:40

ur crazy man.

Butterfly_D 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 20:41

There are still plenty of ways for him to push a button... He could just use a straw in his mouth to push a button, use his foot, or even use his arm stumps as long as they aren't too wide and can still hit just one button.. Hell, there are even prosethics if he can afford it as well.. I could go on and on forever. But yeah if this is actually true it's ridiculous of him to give you a mean look. As for you, just press the buttons yourself first and then look through your bag next time.