Work: Today, I was forced to work with someone I absolutely hate. I...

By annoyedgirl - 04/05/2013 01:30 - United States - Ephrata

Today, I was forced to work with someone I absolutely hate. I then found myself starting to like him, until he shot me in the forehead with a stapler gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 453

You deserved it 4 719

Work

Dementia or hate? You decide

Eastenders

I bet you're fun at parties

By ThatOneGuy - 28/04/2019 16:00

Today I went on a date with my long time crush only to find out that we are distant cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 439

You deserved it 205

By anonymous - 05/07/2013 06:11 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The guy got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 632

You deserved it 3 380

Nice place

By Anonymous - 07/03/2021 15:01 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I experienced the perfect romantic moment as I was sitting on a hill on the beach overlooking the sunset, cuddling my girlfriend. It was abruptly ruined. How? A rat ran past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 172

By ineedbetterfriends - 15/06/2013 21:08 - Netherlands - Amersfoort

Today, I told my friend, who's a marriage counsellor, about some of the things my husband does that I hate, like snoring loudly and eating with his mouth open. I wasn't asking for advice, but she just looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Divorce." Bye-bye, faith in humanity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 574

You deserved it 5 721

By Anonymous - 11/04/2018 06:00

Today, I secretly turned off the internet to see what my kids would do. Barely 10 minutes later, I caught my oldest son masturbating to a photo of my sister in a bikini because, as he put it, "A man has needs and the internet's fucked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 594

You deserved it 2 135

Please do it

By Anonymous - 25/01/2020 18:00

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 228

You deserved it 348

By ToiletTroubles - 03/07/2013 16:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 022

You deserved it 3 110

By ohgodwhy - 06/04/2013 14:15 - Canada - Elliot Lake

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents when a sex scene came on. As if that wasn't awkward enough, they started making out on the couch behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 224

You deserved it 5 687

Unforgettable

By Anonymous - 07/01/2019 14:00

Today, after many, many years of desperate bodily insecurity and therapy, I woke up next to the man of my dreams, who told me the sex was wonderful. Apparently, gin plays wonders with my memory. I don't remember a thing. And that was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 594

You deserved it 856

By NoHamForMeThanks - 09/03/2015 02:36 - United States - Oak Ridge

Today, I was told that I need to learn to "let things go" by a woman who held a four-month grudge over a ham sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 508

You deserved it 2 599

By Minnie - 12/06/2016 13:33 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was invited to go to a BBQ with one of my guy friends. It turned out to be a surprise engagement party, and every single one of his friends congratulated me. I'm not his fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 088

You deserved it 928

By meh - 17/01/2018 09:00 - United States - Dublin

Today, after drinking myself to an oblivion, I awoke with a massive hangover. I didn’t want to go to work, but every excuse I came up with in my head screamed of alcoholics. When I arrived, my boss asked me why I was there. It was my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 975

You deserved it 4 746

By BC94 - 16/07/2012 04:21 - United States - Mcminnville

Today, I went to a movie with this guy. He was late so the only seats available were the ones in the very front which he refused to sit in. As we were looking for two seats, he spotted one near the back and sat down, leaving me to sit by myself in the front. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 483

You deserved it 2 828

By Anonymous - 26/02/2012 21:27 - United States

Today, while I was eating lunch at work, I practically had a panic attack because I'd forgotten to feed my Neopet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 091

You deserved it 36 838

Imitation is a form of flattery. Or is it?

By Anonymous - 08/08/2020 14:02

Today, and ever since he saw the infamous interview that was on TV the other day, every time I say something to my husband, he keeps quoting, "You can't do that!" and "You don't know that!" at me in Donald Trump's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 165

Knackered

By bandeek - 23/10/2016 18:52

Today, my boyfriend and I fell asleep twice during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 971

You deserved it 2 841

By Anonymous - 19/06/2014 14:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 595

You deserved it 8 406

By great 1st impression - 25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 677

You deserved it 7 858

By Vitani_Verci - 15/01/2016 06:57

Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 885

You deserved it 1 764

Pissed

By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 14:00

Today, I went to the hospital, which was super busy. I did a pee test when I first arrived. After 5 hours of waiting, they told me they'd lost my pee. How do you lose someone's piss? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 712

You deserved it 112

Good boy

By Anonymous - 06/04/2021 11:00 - Germany - Papenburg

Today, I realized my boyfriend rather qualifies as a pet: He loves eating, he hardly ever talks or listens, but he is cuddly, always enjoys having me around and can – within limits - be trained to do useful things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 223

By squeltorey - 03/08/2012 19:28 - United States - Whittier

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 756

You deserved it 11 121

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 12:29 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I finally found out why my new co-worker has been shooting me dirty looks, being rude to me, and generally trying to avoid me. It's because I have blonde hair and blue eyes, and she thinks people like me are Nazis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 875

You deserved it 1 728

By rained - 02/02/2009 05:44 - Hong Kong

Today, I drove an hour in a rainstorm to go see my boyfriend. Thirty minutes and a blow job later, he tells me he's going to meet some friends for dinner in half an hour then kicks me out of his house. It's still raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 356

You deserved it 7 662

By Dreadge - 15/01/2010 19:37 - Israel

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. A couple of cute girls started talking to me, telling me how much they liked my dreads. Seeing this, my mother stepped up next to me, patted me on the shoulder, and said, "This here is my little baby, treat him nicely!" Thanks, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 753

You deserved it 4 573

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 21:34 - Netherlands - Tilburg

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 357

You deserved it 4 648

'Cause I'm a Criminal

By Anonymous - 05/03/2017 14:00

Today, I woke up to find both of my bank accounts frozen. My bank informed me that the IRS had ordered a freeze on my assets because of back taxes owed, and would not unfreeze them until the money is paid. The amount? $2.47. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 886

You deserved it 853

By Oops - 02/11/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 528

You deserved it 14 888

By Sophie - 27/12/2011 04:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I got hit by a car. My friends left me to get to the hospital myself. The cab was double fare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 060

You deserved it 2 458

By mitchellcrawford - 31/05/2016 18:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after seeing a cute girl on the bus, I tried to look cool by flipping my hair, only to smack the side of my head into the bus window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 051

You deserved it 10 044

By Jack - 08/07/2011 15:10 - United States

Today, my family got together to read my grandpa's will. He gave all of his grandkids $400 each. Except me. It seems he thought I'd see the funny side in being bequeathed a blow-up sex doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 613

You deserved it 5 152

By indierocklove - 03/08/2011 16:55 - United States

Today, I finally started doing cardio and getting in shape. What motivated me to do it? Watching a zombie movie. The slow ones bite the dust first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 353

You deserved it 8 757

By Anonymous - 02/10/2009 08:37 - Australia

Today, I sent my long-distance girlfriend the first photo of me I'd sent her in a while. It was a photo of me with some of my friends, she didn't know which one I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 306

You deserved it 11 533

By John - 10/07/2013 02:48 - United States

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 050

You deserved it 50 487

By jellybean - 06/11/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 768

You deserved it 10 974

By ashamedklutz - 22/02/2014 00:20 - United Kingdom - Dunfermline

Today, with a single misstep, I managed to send myself and several others tumbling down a stairwell at work. An ambulance ended up having to be called for one lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 521

You deserved it 5 040

By supersplatoon - 08/09/2015 23:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 974

You deserved it 2 676

By Iarla_ceapaire93 - 16/06/2015 17:27 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. While I was running on the treadmill, my beer belly pushed against the emergency stop button, twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 438

You deserved it 5 545

By dork - 02/07/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I was at dinner with my boyfriend and his family. We were talking about relationships, and I commented on how online dating was the dumbest thing ever. His mom and step-dad went on to tell me how they had met through an online dating service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 836

You deserved it 50 071

By Sarah - 24/07/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, I was directing traffic at work during one of the hottest days of the year. Not only do I have to stand in the heat and exhaust fumes for minimum wage, I also had to endure people asking me "Aren't you hot?" as they drove past me in their air conditioned cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 278

You deserved it 3 624

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Top comments

nanner42 13

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:40

Should have shot him back

coolboy675 16

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:40

Boom, headshot!

nanner42 13

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:40

Should have shot him back

HowAreYouToday 34

Saturday 4 May 2013 9:43

But do it with a twist. Shot him with a regular gun. Oh chaos. Delicious chaos!

coolboy675 16

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:52

Judging from your pic #1, would you have suggested using breast milk to shoot with?

feelingold 18

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Saturday 4 May 2013 11:18

It's not his fault you look like a stack of paper.

JFloUnknown 24

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Saturday 4 May 2013 11:20

But his staples are.

oj101 33

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Saturday 4 May 2013 11:24

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind

nanner42 13

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Saturday 4 May 2013 15:12

Well no since I am not pregnant. Judging from your pic, do you hate Jews?

wjh100 13

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Saturday 4 May 2013 23:45

well if its a gun that can launch staples I'm guessing a construction job, so shoot him back with a 4 inch roofing nail gun.

MonsterLovesMe 5

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Monday 13 May 2013 0:24

But... We still have the other eye, right?

coolboy675 16

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:40

Boom, headshot!

iAlissa 34

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Saturday 4 May 2013 17:24

Try to hit me, try to hit me.. C'mon!

kwyk 23

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:41

The buy guys are never as bad as they seem, or the good guys as good.

ThatPlankton 15

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Saturday 4 May 2013 14:50

As a guy who buys things, I can confirm that we aren't all bad.

gc327072 30

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Saturday 4 May 2013 20:28

And as a sell guy I would like it to be made clear that I am a total bastard.

jajajapun 5

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:41

nice guys finish last

Snowkeys 11

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Saturday 4 May 2013 10:14

Awesome guys finish on her face.

j_cat187 19

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Saturday 4 May 2013 10:50

That was filthy! Nice guys go in deep.

ultimate41 13

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Thursday 9 July 2015 17:06

Because nice guys always let the girl finish first ????.

Irchell 17

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:43

Shoot back, with a nail gun, in his balls.

kamikrazy 6

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Saturday 4 May 2013 10:03

Going a bit too far don't ya think?

ileenefudge 29

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Saturday 4 May 2013 10:51

jackiemora 18

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:45

Reminds me that no matter what girls say who they dislike, they will still continue to like assholes. And then ask why they can't find a nice guy. Too busy getting shot by a stapler gun.

AbstraktThoughts 13

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:50

What the fuckery fuck are you talking about? I'm stuck between deciding whether this was a poor attempt at making a joke or whether it's just pure stupidity. Please show me where in the FML it refers to OP being a girl complaining about not finding a nice guy.

jackiemora 18

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:52

The titled name ._.

morella_xx 29

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:53

The username is "annoyedgirl." Doesn't make #7's comment any less stupid though.

jackiemora 18

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:55

My comment wasn't a joke nor stupidity, just simply stating what it sounded to me. The stereotype of girls dating assholes. That's all. And the last part was a lame joke intended.

jackiemora 18

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:58

Hence me saying "reminds me of" not "this is what it is"

EVnIAS 13

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Saturday 4 May 2013 10:02

It didn't seem lame to me! it seemed more painful than anything... but I did get the joke at the end! just wanted to let you know

thatcoolkidd96 6

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Saturday 4 May 2013 10:07

She never once mentioned liking him in that way.

Bakarra 22

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Saturday 4 May 2013 10:12

#23 "I found myself starting to like him" not defending the original comment just sayin Edit: read your comment wrong, true she didn't like him in a relationship way, my mistake.

ElizaAnne 7

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Saturday 4 May 2013 10:53

I don't know why people are assuming she meant liking him in the romantic sense. I took it as she just started to think he wasn't that bad of a person after all... but obviously her first impression was correct.

CharresBarkrey 15

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Saturday 4 May 2013 13:51

"My comment wasn't a joke..." And a few sentences later, "And the last part was a lame joke." You're not making any sense.

bishoujo 5

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Sunday 5 May 2013 0:51

Her name is annoyed girl...

Ctrl_H 18

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:50

Funny how life's like that, right?

RodzillaX 30

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:50

Never let your guard down.

PrincessPesa 20

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Saturday 4 May 2013 9:56

Shoulda trusted your gut!

JACKxRAWR 22

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Saturday 4 May 2013 11:59

Shoulda trusted Special Agent Gibbs' gut.

_DudeGuy_ 16

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Saturday 4 May 2013 12:18

16, since Cpt. Jack Sparrow is so humorous and at times rude, whenever I see your picture I imagine him working at a fashion shop, then when someone's checking out, I imagine him picking up some jeans and saying: "Sorry... We don't have these in fatass."