Miscellaneous: Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious...

By diggingaplotforone - 11/08/2012 23:47 - United States - Redlands

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 175

You deserved it 9 580

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

Vengeance is mine

By shitty neighbor - 25/07/2021 10:01 - United States

Today, I had to call the cops on my neighbor. I was heading off to work when I saw him actually shitting in our yard. The reason? They caught my dumbass rebel of a son on their security camera, shitting in their yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 458

Pick it up

By Cassie - 02/05/2011 00:21

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 388

You deserved it 50 966

By Cowan - 06/08/2009 12:27 - Belgium

Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor… who is a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 853

You deserved it 125 357

By Anonymous - 06/05/2014 22:47 - United States - Sparks

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 433

You deserved it 3 824

By nothingtoseeherejuststealingtrees - 05/04/2016 20:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my neighbor. When she saw me cutting down trees on my lot, she interrogated me and called the police because she didn't believe I owned the property. She didn't call the cops when she watched someone steal a cord of wood from my property two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 829

You deserved it 1 333

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 12:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, my neighbor - whose first words to me when I moved onto the block were "I don't like your face" - called the cops and claimed I'd been exposing myself in public. His lowlife buddy backed him up on his lie. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in deep trouble thanks to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 248

You deserved it 1 292

By uugnfg - 27/07/2010 04:38 - United States

Today, I was doing a job for some people on my street cutting their bushes. After I had finished and went to get my pay, I realized I had gone to the wrong house. They called the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 583

You deserved it 30 356

By Anonymous - 17/08/2013 10:52 - United States

Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 137

You deserved it 7 980

Hiya!

By Jon - 05/05/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics, I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 533

You deserved it 47 377

Better call Saul

By possibly a sweater - 05/12/2013 22:26 - United States - Wharton

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 562

You deserved it 24 481

igive 29

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:07

Plant drugs in his house and call the cops.

CoffeeChickBlows 13

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:11

couldn't be gardening, **** no, that'd be WEIRD

Comments

mattscott 5

Tuesday 14 August 2012 0:17

Fuckball is the best adjective I have seen in ages.

Nitrogenica 6

Tuesday 14 August 2012 7:48

awkward that it's not an adjective.

greatfirstdate 18

Tuesday 14 August 2012 8:40

...noun?

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Tuesday 14 August 2012 3:32

Am I the only one wondering what OP was actually digging for?

luvintheseposts 0

Tuesday 14 August 2012 3:47

Bahahahahahahaha dude, that was an awesome FML post!!! :D thumbs up for creative comebacks to annoying neighbors!

spicy095 1

Tuesday 14 August 2012 5:07

Nice

Dalton1177 2

Tuesday 14 August 2012 7:12

Well said.

crowland0 0

Tuesday 14 August 2012 8:47

I probably would've called the police too. There's truth in every joke! ;)

tebonz 4

Wednesday 15 August 2012 4:06

Digging a plot huh? Yeah I remember the first time I killed some kids for g in my yard ;)

GoCrazyForPie 3

Tuesday 28 August 2012 10:37

Don't worry bro, I know how it feels for people to not have the same level of advanced humour as us.

tayraaah 31

Saturday 27 October 2012 15:04

This is my favourite FML ever.

The_Honey_Badger 17

Monday 4 February 2013 18:16

Nosy neighbors are the WORST

Keywords

Video games Gamers Annoying Birthday Relatable Abuse Money Scams Social Media School Kids Education Parents Health Public freakouts Grieving Mental health Music Geek Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Cops Transportation Family Fight Customers Work Gross

The Top

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 940

You deserved it 46 020

Today, our company got hacked. Our secretary fell for someone badly impersonating the head of customer service and sent them a full list of employee information from one of our new clients. The boss wants to blame us in IT for not training her on how to avoid this. He fell for a phishing attack last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 76

The Top

Today, it was so windy that when a man walking in front of me sneezed, all of his saliva blew onto me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 631

You deserved it 195

Today, I walked into work after being completly wasted last night. I was sitting in a meeting when all of a sudden the presenter had gotten an e-mail saying "crazy girl dances on tables at local bar". So obviously everyone wanted to watch it. That crazy girl was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 959

You deserved it 50 259

Today, I’m 5 months pregnant. I really wasn’t feeling my best, so I called in sick. My boss responded with how my “selfish time off requests” are messing with the company’s production, and it’s not the company’s fault a “dude splashed inside me.” She told me to come in or “my kid goes hungry.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 992

You deserved it 314

Today, I asked my husband what he wanted for his birthday, hinting that he could have anything sexual, and he asked me to… take the kids and visit my mother over the weekend, so he could have 48 hours totally alone, naked, drinking beer, and playing his Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 934

Today, at the dentist, I was just supposed to get three small cavities filled. I walked out with a referral slip for the endodontist. Hello, root canal. Fuck you, genetics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 358

You deserved it 302

Today, I became that small percent of people who face three different kinds of complications after their wisdom teeth are removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 071

You deserved it 2 177