Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML
Today, I was chopping veggies for dinner and accidentally sliced through my thumbnail and into my finger. I wrapped it and finished cooking, despite being in considerable pain. My husband patted my shoulder and said sympathetically, "Don’t worry about the dishes babe. You can just do them tomorrow.” FML
Today, I was making myself lunch. I love cooking, and often, I pretend I'm on the Food Network. I started to slice some tomatoes rapidly, which, turns out, was a big mistake; I sliced my thumb open. FML
Today, while working at a fine-dining restaurant, I was dicing veggies. I was paying such close attention to make sure the veggies were all the same size, that I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML
Today, visiting my partner’s family for the first time, I offered to help cook, saying I could chop the vegetables. Five minutes later, I nicked my finger, dropped the knife, and instinctively said a very loud curse word in front of their very traditional grandparents. Everyone froze while someone went to get me a bandage. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by cooking dinner. As I was chopping onions, I cut my finger and started bleeding everywhere. She walked in, saw the blood on the onions, and almost passed out. FML
Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML
Today, I sliced my finger on a frozen chicken cutlet. FML
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Top comments
bromeister 6
When life gives you lemons, cut them carefully.
bellles 18
Those damn bloody lemons
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Comments (72)
Gremlinek 16
Better try and fail than don't try at all. Kids will love home cook dinners (even if they don't say so right now). Oh and you can honestly say you put blood, sweat and tears into making that dinner :)
VonBlitzkrieg 27
I'd just like to throw it out there that I realized my first comment was severely screwed up after submitting it and I tried to edit it but my phone froze and if I try replying on it to correct myself it won't let me. I swear I'm not a retard. I meant to say "looks like your cooking is cutting edge."
NerdGirl321 27
Maybe you should just get delivery
mynameisfinn 4
that awkward moment when you find out with an effed up hand that lemons are not vegetables but they are fruit. whhaaaaaat?!
jesse98 7
A simple tip if that I always use when that happens 1) you look at yourself in the mirror 2) repeat the words "harden the **** up" until necessary
lskaaos 6
OP, you have been Chopped...
thew_fml 14
if you cut yourself often, chances are your knives are not sharp enough. contrary to what common sense may tell you, dull knives are far more dangerous than sharp ones.
itwasthedognotme 14
Did juicy that coming? No, obviously not..
noobienick 19
You should have posted this a minute sooner
zenyl 2
that must have hurt..