Work: Today, I was bored out of my mind at work. I told my coworker... - FML

By PCop - 02/08/2010 23:21 - United States

Today, I was bored out of my mind at work. I told my coworker he was lucky to be leaving early. I forgot the reason of his early departure was to go to his grandfather's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 566

You deserved it 36 398

Empathy lives

The smell detective is on the case

Mama's boy

By Stixchop - 26/02/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 258

You deserved it 54 826

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 14:33 - United States

Today, I got fired from my recently acquired job at a doctor's office because I don't "agree with family values". The way I'm disrespecting their "family values"? I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 237

You deserved it 22 462

By Jason - 24/12/2017 19:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out that conducting CPR and saving a man's life means nothing if you break his ribs. He is suing me for $10,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 383

You deserved it 401

By Lady of Sorrows - 31/01/2009 20:26 - United States

Today, I just went to the bathroom and someone thought I was a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 978

You deserved it 3 285

Rod Stewart was wrong

By WTF Lady? - 08/04/2020 20:00

Today, I was walking down my street when a girl came up behind me and started yelling about me being a slut. When she saw I was the wrong person, she continued to yell at me because I have blonde hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 139

By ohman - 17/07/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 176

You deserved it 8 165

By Robert - 06/04/2018 05:00 - United States - North Pole

Today, my high school speech therapist introduced me to the other autistic kid in school without fully informing either of us. We got into a fist fight because we each thought the other guy was imitating us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 857

You deserved it 669

#LurkerForLife

By Anonymous - 03/08/2017 05:00

Today, I realized that my social life is so dead the only thing I do that involves other people is read FML. I don't even participate in the comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 699

You deserved it 1 068

By bad dad - 05/06/2019 06:00

Today, trying to be a good co-parent, I asked my ex if he’d like to go to the circus with our kids and I. His new girlfriend of a whopping five days said it made her uncomfortable. He stood us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 089

You deserved it 172

By Lost - 15/09/2009 19:24 - United States

Today, I got rejected for approximately the tenth credit card I've applied for, I called a bank to find out why. Apparently I took out a car loan in 2004 and bought a house in 2006. I was 13 in 2004. The credit report does not have any records of this. Thank you identity theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 470

You deserved it 2 593

By Anonymous - 05/02/2012 20:41 - Canada

Today, I pulled into a parking lot and waited for a car to back out so I could take their spot. The apparently batshit insane psychopath in the other car managed to completely overlook me waving him out, and backed straight into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 196

You deserved it 5 048

By heart broken - 29/12/2013 09:05 - United States

Today, my husband told me yet again that the last two years have been the worst of his life. Our two year anniversary is next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 510

You deserved it 4 745

By extrashiftwhoo - 04/11/2016 13:59 - Australia - Preston

Today, I really didn't want to go to work. Still, I showed up for work early on the busiest night of the week and stayed back until past 10 p.m. Exhausted, I went to sign off the roster when I realised that, in fact, I was not rostered on for today at all. I'm on tomorrow, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 814

You deserved it 3 502

By Bontempi - 19/07/2012 18:55 - France

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 604

You deserved it 42 567

Get Lucky, sound of the summer

By ashamed - 25/11/2015 15:50 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 843

You deserved it 2 363

By sirenmario - 20/01/2011 00:52

Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words 'stupid bitch' every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 937

You deserved it 2 663

By Anonymous - 07/07/2013 13:58 - United States - Wayne

Spicy

Today, not only do I work as a garbage man, but I had to pick up a used, bloody tampon that someone decided to throw on the ground rather than in a garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 478

You deserved it 5 045

By sleepylillion - 25/04/2016 05:07 - United States - Eleele

Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend chuckling to himself. Turns out he had just clogged the toilet. When he called maintenance, halfway through explaining the problem he started hysterically giggling and had to hang up mid-sentence. This has been a reoccurring theme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 160

You deserved it 1 509

By Abu - 25/12/2016 10:05

Today I broke my glasses beyond repair. I am very nearly legally blind. I get my glasses at Walmart and today, Christmas, is the only day out of the entire year that they are closed. Merry Christmas to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 501

You deserved it 1 027

By Anonymous - 22/07/2019 18:00

Today, while on a beach with my 3 year-long boyfriend, I went on his phone to find a restaurant I'd sent him on Instagram. Instead, I found countless messages to other women, trying to slide into their DMs. Needless to say, everyone on that beach got a free show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 818

You deserved it 206

By lolmyfduplife - 24/12/2015 06:10

Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 627

You deserved it 2 083

Crime scene

By xTRYSOFTx - 07/03/2020 03:00 - United States

Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 1 989

By Anonymous - 02/11/2009 14:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all this, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 971

You deserved it 5 080

By creepedouthostess - 17/06/2009 07:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, while working in a restaurant, I took an elderly man to his table under a red colored lamp. He asked me if this was "the red light district." I thought he was just kidding until when I was placing down the menus he leaned in and whispered creepily in my ear, "You know, you're really sexy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 335

You deserved it 3 101

By forgotmyownbirthday - 27/11/2009 14:26 - United States

Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided to call my sister to see if she'd remembered. My 6-year-old niece answered, so I told her it was my birthday. She said that it's tomorrow. After ten minutes of arguing with a 6-year-old, I checked the calendar. It's tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 137

You deserved it 60 708

By littlemissgullible - 10/03/2010 01:17 - United States

Today, I was talking to an ex who I still love. He told me how much he wanted to see me, how much he missed me, and we started talking about when we could spend the day at his house. I mentioned Saturday, and he said, "I can't, I have to take my fiancée to the doctor's to find out our baby's sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 081

You deserved it 7 989

By toeloezz - 26/09/2016 18:02 - Netherlands

Today, during a regular checkup at the dentist, I got a wisdom tooth pulled out which resulted in me looking like a fat hamster. Tomorrow is my first day as an English teacher in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 000

You deserved it 1 256

By Anonymous - 08/05/2012 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was at my job life-guarding, when a woman pushed the spine-board over, hitting me on the back of my head. She laughed, but I now have a concussion and a stiff neck, and my co-workers can't stop laughing at the "irony." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 654

You deserved it 1 725

By Gribby - 27/06/2013 23:56 - United States - Branson

Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 513

You deserved it 8 756

By kufan1324 - 05/06/2012 03:47 - United States

Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 084

You deserved it 3 320

By dukemisery - 28/11/2016 12:23 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my ex-girlfriend called saying she wants to get back together because of how mature and sincere I sounded last night. I despise her and I was drunk last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 956

You deserved it 2 966

Captain Dumbass

By Anonymous - 26/05/2020 05:00

Today, after my husband spent several days in his shed welding, he showed me his completed Captain America shield. It looked shit. I warned him not to throw it, but he threw it anyway, missed his target, bounced it off the garage and smashed the kitchen window, showering our kids in glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 857

You deserved it 548

By y0uw1shy0ukn3wm3 - 09/10/2009 05:48 - United States

Today, I was refereeing a kid's soccer game, and noticed that on the field next to me was a referee I hated working with. I told the other referee I was working with that he was the laziest and most dumbass referee I had ever worked with. She then slapped me, and told me that it was her grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 602

You deserved it 41 924

By Potforapeso - 01/10/2014 02:30 - United States - Red Bank

Today, I found out my son was selling pot for pesos. We live in New Jersey and have never planned on going to Mexico. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 416

You deserved it 5 283

By Burnt - 02/05/2011 09:33 - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 739

You deserved it 60 879

Broken vibrator

By Anonymous - 05/12/2019 20:00

Today, I received my package. I ordered a vibrator, I was so excited to use it, but when I was finally ready to use it, I found out that it broke during the delivery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 021

You deserved it 247

Big bang on the horizon

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 12:01

Today, I found out that in September I will be expected to teach a student whose mother described as a more pedantic, nitpicky, annoying version of Sheldon Cooper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 75

By Double Standard - 12/10/2018 08:30 - United States - Menasha

Today, my boss yelled at me for having Facebook open at work. That's fine, I closed it and continued on with my work. In a meeting later on I could see the reflection of my boss's laptop screen in a mirror behind her desk. For two hours, I watched her scroll through her Facebook feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 828

You deserved it 417

By BerkeleyBiker - 19/04/2011 08:23 - United States

Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 288

You deserved it 3 711

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 07:19 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She got incredibly excited and started flapping her hands around. Then she suddenly went deadpan and said "But seriously... no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 884

You deserved it 1 886

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Top comments

Back_In_Action 18

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:39

What the hell, people? Like the OP was supposed to psychically sense why their coworker was leaving early. Don't worry about it, OP. People have fucked up a lot worse than you.

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:17

OP you didn't know! just say sorry ):

Comments

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:16

jerkk move I hope yu said sry afterwardss(:

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:17

you dun goof'd

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:23

not a jerk move if OP didn't know, just unfortunate that that was the reason, sucks to be you OP, get a better job? lol yeah, I think it sucks more that you don't like your job because your co worker should forgive you if you apologise.

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:26

You meanieee! JK! ;P You apologized after, right?

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:30

i am so trollin kthx baaaaaiiiiii

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:34

well then

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:36

youre black ^^^^^

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:37

You're a giant question mark ^^^^

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:39

YDI for being bored out of your mind at work, then telling your coworker he was lucky to leave early, when you remembered he was leaving for his grandfather's funeral.

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:39

ydi.

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:40

you have a dike haircut person who replied to my racism.

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:46

You have a hard time grasping the english language. Pointing out that someone is black, isn't racism.

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:49

lol 21

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:49

Actually i'd like to point out when I'm in "trolling" mode I enjoy being illiterate. kthx il go bak 2 talkn lik dis

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:57

Mercy, that could work for this FML. Maybe OP could cheer up his co-worker, by convincing him his grandfather isn't really gone. He's among the living dead! This could work. Good job on the interpretation. :]

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 10:08

I would hire you, then again, I would be just as bad as you, if not worse :P

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 10:13

Dike haircuts are sexy... O.o

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 10:16

Lol, my hair is down to the middle of my back. He tried though, that's what matters.

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 11:07

Wait... Is that even you in your picture? Or an old picture of you? Your hair doesn't look like it's down to the middle of your back. I'm so confused. Ugh. Be right back, I shall go sit in the corner with my dunce cap.

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 11:28

It's up in the back. The hair thats short is my bangs. That picture is fairly new. I suppose I didn't realize that it looked short, because I know it's not. :/

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 12:21

muffin basket? :D

MarkerofMagic 0

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 16:44

that sucks OP I agree with FFML and mercy. you should try cheering him up!

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 22:03

YDI for not having a funeral to go to as well

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Wednesday 4 August 2010 1:48

OP...asshole much? I know you forgot BUT STILL! >:(

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Saturday 7 August 2010 6:37

And the guy is a black belt in karate and whooped ur azz tell us the WHOLE story or Ima have to lolz!!

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Wednesday 11 July 2012 2:21

7- Actually OP did know. If you read the FML it's says "I forgot".... Duh

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:16

haha how considerite of you

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:46

HAHAHA Yeah, this is REALLY funny upon first read :D After that, then it's just kinda sad :c *snort*

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Monday 16 July 2012 1:42

How was op supposed to know?

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Thursday 20 September 2012 6:14

#72 probably was told before but then forgot. It happens to everyone

dont_be_that_guy_fml 0

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:16

Wow! Way to be an awful person!

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:17

OP you didn't know! just say sorry ):

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 10:03

The OP did know, he just forgot.

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:22

He forgot, he already feels bad not need to make it worse people.

luckycolors857 0

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:27

aww it's ok OP. but it's more of a FYOURCOWORKERSL

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:28

haha #4 is a winn:) and op, thats pretty sad.. hope you apologized

Jessicaa96145 0

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:29

op. fyl but more of a FHL. but most fyl that say I Was Bored in it usually is a YDI. but fyl. fhl.

Jessicaa96145 0

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:31

most fml*** sorry

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:32

Don't feel bad OP. :] Everyone says stoopid stuff without thinking sometimes.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 91

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 287