Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my building installed a fingerprint scanner for the front door. Feeling futuristic, I pressed my thumb to unlock it while carrying groceries. The scanner rejected me five times in a row because I’d cut my thumb slicing bagels earlier that day. A neighbor watched me fail repeatedly before asking, “Do you actually live here?” FML
Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML
Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML
Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML
Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML
Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML
Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML
Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML
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Top comments
scott1494 0
haaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!! Talk about being a tool!!!!!
Tucatz 0
Could be worse- at the grocery store you might be a $0.69 can of green beans. And at the drugstore you could be Preparation H. In fact, that should be your new goal- to go around and find out what you are at various stores.
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Comments (407)
bunnygirl 2
# 8 clearly doesn't know how bar codes work haha
fatass123 0
This reminds me so much of the movie "Idiocracy" If you haven't seen it, watch it. "WHY COME YOU DON'T HAVE A TATTOO?"
ziggy123 0
everyone needs to stop hatin on this guys tattoo! to each his own, what's it matter to you?? now you have to find someone (hopefully attractive) with the barcode for some nails ;]
nikki1001 0
A+ @ #3!!!!!
Inspired22 11
This is probably one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. Period.
eternalaphrodite 0
1. - I am skeptical that this even happened, as barcodes are so unique and, more than that, most tattoo artists aren't nearly as precise as bar codes are 2. - Assuming this is true, it is not an FML. It has no real significance in life that you scanned as a hammer. 3. - If this truly bugs you, YDI. Bar code tattoos are overdone, and frankly ugly. If you get a bar code tattoo, you deserve whatever you scan as. :P
Jaxro 6
Hahaha #3 I was thinking the same thing.
tharashmaster 0
#8, burberry is soooo trashy, #150, lighten up its all chill its funny
dwights 0
i call bs
TeenTiger 0
Only idiots get bar code tattoos.