Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my building installed a fingerprint scanner for the front door. Feeling futuristic, I pressed my thumb to unlock it while carrying groceries. The scanner rejected me five times in a row because I’d cut my thumb slicing bagels earlier that day. A neighbor watched me fail repeatedly before asking, “Do you actually live here?” FML
Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML
Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML
Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML
Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML
Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML
Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML
Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
scott1494 0
haaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!! Talk about being a tool!!!!!
Tucatz 0
Could be worse- at the grocery store you might be a $0.69 can of green beans. And at the drugstore you could be Preparation H. In fact, that should be your new goal- to go around and find out what you are at various stores.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (407)
BiscuitHead 0
lol 3# and #195 xD why would you want that kind of tattoo anyways..?
goldthiosulfate 0
hahahhahaha #3 and #7 i agree he should go around to different stores scanning it why would you get a barcode tattoo? and this isn't really an fml, more like just something funny
Bitterblue 0
I don't think barcodes work that way; it's not the image that is scanned, but a component of the ink.
RipIt 0
The people who call "fake" are probably more annoying than a fake post itself. Has anyone actually gotten a tattoo once? Well, I have, it's an amazingly detailed copy of one of my favourite paintings, so detailed that there is no mm difference between the lines of my tattoos and the ones on my design. Do bear in mind that a tattoo is not directly drawn (I mean the design here) on your body, the first step is more or less putting the design on your arm (or wherever) with ink that can be washed off. Somewhat like getting a stamp on your hand when you go to a club or whatever. After that, the tattoo artist carefully overtracks the black lines and adds shades to his/her liking. What if the tattoo artist in this case, just took a copy of a random lying around barcode? I mean, it's not like he/she would actually draw a barcode. It's not prestigious enough.
dammn 0
LMFAO , HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA this made my day !
yesmy_love 0
HHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAA #3!!!! aahhhh..... bang me.
i_am_not_me 0
Being a clawhammer is unbelievably badass, dude. If I were in that situation I'd totally use that as my stage name in my bands.
badboy111 0
this is really really really hilarious. i like you.
treblegrl 0
Bahaha....um first why would you care that you are a hammer? and yes I agree with most people...tool...and thirdly I love how many of these comments have been moderated...haha
jsmar002 0
SO! who gives a damn