Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my building installed a fingerprint scanner for the front door. Feeling futuristic, I pressed my thumb to unlock it while carrying groceries. The scanner rejected me five times in a row because I’d cut my thumb slicing bagels earlier that day. A neighbor watched me fail repeatedly before asking, “Do you actually live here?” FML
Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML
Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML
Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML
Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML
Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML
Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML
Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML
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Top comments
scott1494 0
haaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!! Talk about being a tool!!!!!
Tucatz 0
Could be worse- at the grocery store you might be a $0.69 can of green beans. And at the drugstore you could be Preparation H. In fact, that should be your new goal- to go around and find out what you are at various stores.
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Comments (407)
meddude 0
haha this is a funny one.
ksweat 0
probably my favorite fml of all time, this one needs to go in the book!!
wallythedolly 0
You deserved it for getting a lame tattoo in the first place.
Rehtaeh182 0
hahaha, bar code tattoos are so lame! but this is hilarious!
bedwarmer25 0
haha why would you get a tattoo because you thought it would be funny?
b00mc1ap 0
Yea this is definitely fake because you need a magnetic tattoo to do this... and lol at 147
Lady_Nevermore 0
what do you mean fml? that's just hillarious, I would think it's awesome that my random tat has a real meaning
quietjune 0
That's what you get for getting a lame tattoo.
imme2009 0
First off, this isn't possible. Second off, it isn't even a FML. Who gives a flying shit if you rang up as a $5.98 tool. Next time you want to make up something fake, at least make it believable and not so stupid. You could have at least picked to have you ring up as something better. Idiot.
greenearth 0
i have no idea, but wouldn't a barcode be unique with what it's made of? like, you probably can't just copy a barcode with pen on paper and scan it.. the material probably matters right? w.e idk. don't really believe lol.