Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my building installed a fingerprint scanner for the front door. Feeling futuristic, I pressed my thumb to unlock it while carrying groceries. The scanner rejected me five times in a row because I’d cut my thumb slicing bagels earlier that day. A neighbor watched me fail repeatedly before asking, “Do you actually live here?” FML
Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML
Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML
Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML
Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML
Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML
Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML
Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML
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Top comments
scott1494 0
haaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!! Talk about being a tool!!!!!
Tucatz 0
Could be worse- at the grocery store you might be a $0.69 can of green beans. And at the drugstore you could be Preparation H. In fact, that should be your new goal- to go around and find out what you are at various stores.
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Comments (407)
robjustice 0
I see a lot of people talking about their friend's barcode tattoos, but not any people talking about THEIR barcode tattoos. I have a barcode tattoo as part of a bigger piece (its the barcode representation of my birth date plus some extra zeros to make it the proper length) so I'll speak with first hand knowledge when I say: You can not scan a barcode tattoo, period. Skin doesn't maintain the surface type that a scanner would need to read the barcode properly. Trust me, I've had every jack ass cashier working at Walmart try to scan my arm. Doesn't work. Now, that doesn't mean this story is bullshit, it just has some artistic license. He could have entered the SKU and lucked out or he could have printed out a SKU that matches those digits and again lucked out. Either way, he lucked out but its not unheard of. I know for a while when I worked at Target the numbers from my barcode rang up as a Spiderman action figure. 100% authentic? No. True, could be.
BlueCyan 0
Not real. :
BBammmm 0
lol@133
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
Not an FML.
ChelseaAnn08 0
Hahahahhahahahahahhahahaha. That's awesome. I wanna know what all the moderated comments said! There seems to be quite a bit of them.
louisianagrrrrl 0
dumb tattoo
galad2003 0
This one should be edited. Just delete some words so it reads liek this: Three weeks ago i got a bar code tatoo, now I have to live with this dumb ******* tattoo the rest of my life. FML.
Paigeth 0
At #182, the FML has to start with "Today,"... They all have to. So it can't start with "three weeks ago". It could say instead, "Today, I realized that I'm now stuck with a crappy barcode tattoo I got 3 weeks ago for the rest of my life. FML."
rlb237 0
What a stupid tattoo. Why on earth would you want a bar code permanently inked onto yourself? I mean, really.
Duckasaurus 0
How is this FML?