Today, I was at the library using a computer to order a package.... - FML

By sarahcurtis213 - 13/11/2012 07:36 - United States

Today, I was at the library using a computer to order a package. A man sat down next to me mumbling to himself while staring at me. As I got up to go to the printer, he pointed at me and screamed, "I will burn you alive and enjoy it!" All of my info including my address was still on the computer screen. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2017 18:00

Today, and every day since I got her, I leaned down to pour food and water into my cat's bowls. And today, like every single day, I forgot that my granite countertop sticks out a bit. I think part of my head is flat now. FML

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By city_girl - 4/2/2010 06:34 - United States

Today, I got rear-ended. In possibly the scariest part of downtown. At night. By a man who spoke hardly any English but managed to ask if I would go out dancing with him instead of calling my insurance company. FML

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By SprinklerDodger - 8/6/2012 23:54 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML

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By WasteOfTime - 1/11/2009 14:36 - United Kingdom

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

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By brittbrat4 - 5/7/2011 00:25 - United States

Today, I was jamming out in my car, tapping my fingers on the wheel and bobbing my head. At the next stoplight, I happened to look over and the passenger of the car next to me was holding a sign in the window saying, "I bet you don't have a boyfriend, do you?" FML

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By teegtwo - 22/7/2014 05:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

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By Natsert99 - 8/12/2016 14:02 - United States - Deerfield

Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML

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By poorbastard - 30/8/2014 08:35 - Canada - Longueuil

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 14:00

Mah freedoms!

Today, my roommate told me she's coming back from her family's large house in Reno to Hawaii, because she "wants to work." We have a 14-day visitor's quarantine. And my workplace extended this to travellers' roommates. FML

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By MMM - 21/1/2014 23:26 - United States - Saco

Unwanted guest

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

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By really? - 28/5/2013 08:09 - United States - Highland

Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML

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By whytho - 19/11/2019 03:00

Because of him

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I also found out I have an STD. I was clean before we dated. FML

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By humanchewtoy - 7/7/2018 20:30

Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML

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By Blueshock08 - 23/2/2012 07:03 - United States

Today, I learned that it doesn't matter how good you've screwed a satellite dish onto the side of your house, it won't stop the wind the ripping it off and taking half the wall with it. FML

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By How can you f*** up that bad!? - 17/2/2017 15:51 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Saudi end of the internet, and it was awful…

Today, I was unable to connect to the Internet. After calling support, I was informed that due to a cut cable, the whole country will have no service from that provider for some time. The. Whole. Country. FML

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By Anon - 23/6/2014 23:13 - United States - Denton

Today, after nearly a year of being stalked, harassed and even terrorized, the police finally found out who my stalker was. It was my 19-year-old son, who thought it would be a fun prank to pull. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2016 01:13

Today, I did a California stop during a drive with my Driver's Ed teacher. He made me get out, hug the stop sign and apologize to it. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2011 02:55 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for a familiar reason; I apparently have night terrors that make me "Impossible to sleep in the same room with." I don't ever remember these dreams. Every other girlfriend I've had has ended up breaking things off with me for the same reason. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by putting a post-it note on my locker that said "consider yourself dumped". FML

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By Geemeisters - 8/11/2015 10:03 - United Kingdom - Studley

Today, after several months desperately searching for a job and feeling pretty insecure and unimportant, I drove 15 miles to a job interview. On parking my car at the destination, I found that during my drive a spider had been making a cobweb between the car and my hair. FML

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By xtammyle - 19/2/2013 07:01 - Australia - Lower Plenty

Today, I walked in on my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2013 21:39 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually claimed that his cheating didn't count because A) the other girl is his lab partner, and B) she's overweight. FML

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By Nick - 10/5/2011 07:37 - Philippines

Today, I laughed at a joke and it literally took me a minute to realize that it was me they were making fun of. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2014 02:46 - United States - Glasford

Today, at my therapy appointment, I was spilling my guts to my therapist. When I'd finished, to get rid of the awkward silence, I asked, "I'm not crazy, right?" His response was, "That's bit of a loaded question." FML

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By _SouthernClass_ - 29/8/2019 12:00 - United States

Today, my youngest child gave me the cold she had. I also started my period yesterday. Now I can’t stop coughing, and I feel like a human ketchup packet. FML

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By SureDoesMakeAGirlFeelGood - 13/4/2016 01:45 - Canada - Paradise

Today, I found out that my husband has more topless pictures of his ex on his computer than he does of me. FML

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By AbandonedHouseWife - 17/10/2012 20:16 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/2/2012 02:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I argued with my girlfriend over her constantly wasting our money on acupuncture. She said if I could prove it was baloney, she would stop. After I showed her copious amounts of scientific proof debunking it as pseudo-science, she told me we're "taking a break" from our relationship. FML

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By fuck you - 26/4/2015 08:19 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

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By syl - 11/2/2010 06:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

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By needanewride - 16/11/2012 02:40 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

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By FUKDOUG - 15/1/2009 01:47 - Canada

Today, I was trying to finish an english assignment and I was not sure how to complete it. So I emailed my teacher asking and she said flip over the assignment handout page for instructions. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2013 15:56 - United States

Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML

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By liltravol23 - 15/1/2009 11:36 - United States

Today, the only cute girl in my office made fun of me because I'm 27 and bring fruit cups with my lunch. FML

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By samgonzalessb - 14/12/2009 17:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought me a voice personalized build-a-bear. I thought he was going to propose to me through it, only to press the foot of the bear and hear "we should break up" instead. FML

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By Blackberry - 10/7/2009 19:15 - Canada

Today, I paid $80 to change my cell number because my ex-girlfriend had been stalking me. To inform all of my friends of the change, I sent a mass text message to everyone in my phonebook. Including my ex. FML

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By mommy - 23/6/2019 02:27

Today, I’ve been violently ill with diarrhea, and have been for past three days. I finally discovered why. It's because I ate a piece of candy off the recently-cleaned floor last week. My immune system is so weak, it can’t respect the 5-second rule. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2010 09:37 - Australia

Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML

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By in big trouble - 23/8/2014 12:28 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had an argument with my boss and tried to text a friend about it. I accidentally texted my boss instead. FML

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Top comments

By esp_superstar | 10

#5144395 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 12:06

You can run but u can't hide...

By melij99 | 5

#5144398 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 12:08

And now you know the importance of leaving Personal Identifiable Information open on a public computer.

COMMENTS

By esp_superstar | 10

#5144395 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 12:06

You can run but u can't hide...

Reply

IAmNotAnAnimal | 9

#5144503 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 13:06

FML team- You might want to fix "he pointed and me and screamed"

Reply

k_ninjaa | 9

#5144507 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 13:13

why does that need to be fixed?

Reply

Rachel_fml | 20

#5144522 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 13:24

Fixed! Sorry about that.

Reply

Inheritance | 10

#5144548 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 13:32

#1 so he's like Michael Myers? If that's the case just accept death.

Reply

TheFuckerofShit | 16

#5144743 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 15:50

1, *you

Reply

desoto96 | 9

#5144943 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 17:03

Hide yo kids hide yo wife!!

Reply

OhhIrony | 6

#5147100 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 7:32

#59 Epic grammar nazi fail.

Reply

TheFuckerofShit | 16

#5148335 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 16:52

"You can run but u can't hide". See, 1 wrote "U "instead of "you". Huh, 100...

By krewer21 | 1

#5144396 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 12:07

YDI for leaving a public terminal with any personal information displayed.
What, you think you have no personal responsibility? Sorry, you lose.
Keep an eye out. I hope you can keep away from your stalker.

Reply

cosmosis | 12

#5144407 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 12:16

Leaving personal info on a public computer is a big mistake. But does she really deserve to be threatened like that?
Seems abit excessive dont you think.

Reply

jedielf | 23

#5144422 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 12:29

Well, according to your logic, everyone else who's ever ordered anything online on a public computer would deserve the death threats too, as it's easy to look at a screen over someone's shoulder.

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#5144518 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 13:22

I can agree it's irresponsible, sure, but it doesn't mean OP deserves terrible things to happen to them.

Reply

doctorhook86 | 24

#5144623 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 14:14

I agree with #2: Sarah Curtis needs to be more careful with her personal information...

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5144718 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 15:38

Agreed. I mean, imagine if Carmen San Diego used public terminals! Or Waldo!

Reply

bonsaiboy26 | 1

#5144998 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 17:43

I have to agree leaving personal info was a bad idea, however it's no dif than having an fb account. That place is Id theft central. All it takes is one bit. Where u work, phone number anything. And even if your not set to public friend I friend can view so e careful

Reply

krewer21 | 1

#5146373 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 1:13

No it does not seem excessive. You leave personal information in a public place, you deserve any and all hell that comes to you.
Personal information is just that, PERSONAL.
You are responsible to keep your information hidden. Leave it open to the world, then you choose to be victimized.

Reply

krewer21 | 1

#5146383 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 1:15

That is your choice. Make it wisely

Reply

fatcow282 | 8

#5146852 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 4:54

Thats complete bs

Reply

LexieWins | 0

#5147188 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 8:29

San Diego is the best :)

Reply

jedielf | 23

#5147855 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 13:36

Never said it wasn't dumb. There are probably millions out there who still do it though.

By yousuck44 | 11

#5144397 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 12:07

Run op run, before he burns you alive.

Reply

tehcyberman | 9

#5144586 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 13:51

Restraining orders are a lovely thing, aren't they?

Reply

greenie213 | 23

#5144590 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 13:55

Yes, but I highly doubt it keeps away the more serious homicidal lunatics.

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5144802 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:14

Restraining orders only work if the person chooses to obey them.
It's more like a restraining hint than an order.

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5145537 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 21:06

Like parlay. It's more like guidelines than an actual set of rules.

Reply

Nevermind212 | 11

#5152081 - Thursday 15 November 2012 13:00

And you are welcome to the movie (SAW)

Reply

Link5794 | 16

#5367772 - Thursday 14 February 2013 17:31

Better idea: burn him alive first.

By melij99 | 5

#5144398 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 12:08

And now you know the importance of leaving Personal Identifiable Information open on a public computer.

Reply

oj101 | 33

#5145750 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 22:29

Yeah, I wonder why the OP is so poor, they can't afford a computer of their own. That in itself is a FYL for the OP

Reply

chelseaaababyyy | 17

#5146673 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 3:24

84 - Please tell me you're joking..

Reply

CaptainCommenter | 6

#5413374 - Wednesday 20 March 2013 20:32

I wouldn't leave it on my own personal computer.

By exitdecay | 6

#5144401 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 12:11

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

BlowinChronic | 18

#5144526 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 13:25

Hahahah that guy knows where I live and threatened me! That's fucking hilarious!

Reply

luvlifeyolo | 1

#5145360 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 19:46

Ya right.

By Pleonasm | 34

#5144403 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 12:12

Sounds like one of those psychos from Borderlands.

Reply

iTsbSkuLLy | 8

#5144428 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 12:33

A BadMutha Psycho. He shouldn't be roaming free in society.

By HeyArnold91 | 8

#5144409 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 12:17

I would've minimized the screen or logged off or something before going to the printer

By BlowinChronic | 18

#5144411 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 12:19

Well that escalated quickly...

By SnipeFatPeople | 6

#5144412 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 12:20

Better lock your doors all day, every day now.

Reply

SnipeFatPeople | 6

#5144420 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 12:25

On second thought....he could always burn you from the outside of the house. So have fun with that.

By xtcolin | 7

#5144415 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 12:23

Library? People still use those things?
Hope you don't die OP, I'd be freaked out.

Reply

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#5144843 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:22

Yes, a library. Nothing wrong with books and free public computers.

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5144857 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:28

Yes, cause not everyone can afford their own computer.
Google doesn't always find all the stuff you want and shouldn't be the limit of your research.

Reply

luvlifeyolo | 1

#5145363 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 19:48

Most people still use libraries...

Reply

yousuck44 | 11

#5146963 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 6:23

What rock are you living under? A lot of people still uses library's and I'm one of them.