Miscellaneous: Today, I started playing softball again in a league after not...

By Dingbat - 13/06/2013 23:59 - United States - Quarryville

Today, I started playing softball again in a league after not playing for about 5 years. My very first time at the bat I whacked a foul ball into the parking lot and hit my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 220

You deserved it 6 659

Miscellaneous

Broken heart

Dementia or hate? You decide

Too passionate for me

By emperor - 21/07/2009 05:38 - Bangladesh

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 421

You deserved it 30 578

By BoogieCandy. - 23/10/2009 08:56 - Canada

Today, at work, I was standing at the till helping an attractive man. I have a cold and could feel the snot bubbling up. He orders and we flirt for a bit. Just as I'm about to hand him his product, I sneeze quite loudly and forcefully all over his face. Guess I won't be getting that number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 363

You deserved it 8 524

By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 140

You deserved it 4 220

By anal-retentive - 23/06/2016 20:00 - United States

Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 173

You deserved it 4 221

By Emily J. - 18/06/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, I realized that I text my boyfriend more than I see him. He's my next door neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 450

You deserved it 38 612

By Anonymous - 06/07/2017 01:00 - United Kingdom - Halstead

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend when he suddenly got down on one knee and proposed. A waiter tripped over him and spilled our food all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 538

You deserved it 486

By TheRoad42 - 20/08/2013 12:54 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, when I got back to my dorm, I found a trail of ants trying to shove a dead roach into a power outlet. The front desk insists that there is no pest problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 641

You deserved it 2 717

Caught in 4K

By Frank S. - 17/06/2021 19:59

Today, I was about to enter a hotel with a friend-with-benefits. We then saw her boyfriend exiting the same hotel with another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 1 599

By Frouse - 28/09/2018 22:02

Today, I was on the worst blind date ever, so I tried to secretly request an Uber to get out of there. My date then picked up his phone, receiving my request. Turns out he's an Uber driver and he was looking for a reason to get out of the date too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 959

You deserved it 785

By Lisa - 02/01/2010 07:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw". It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parent's house and forgot his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 766

You deserved it 35 790

By AnalProbe - 12/03/2017 18:00

Today, my mother warned me that if I ever have anal sex I will die. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 030

You deserved it 479

By lefthandspanker - 27/08/2015 16:34 - United States - Craig

Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 820

You deserved it 1 613

By Toooldforthisshit - 09/12/2018 11:30 - United States - New London

Today, I found out the girl my boyfriend was seeing just before me, is pregnant... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 976

You deserved it 229

By anonymous - 13/01/2012 05:05 - Canada

Today, I sold my Xbox and Kinect to a guy. I forgot that sometimes I'd play Dance Central naked, and the Kinect would make videos. This guy now has videos of me, naked, badly dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 275

You deserved it 52 104

Stop siding with Karens!

By jobless - 02/07/2021 11:00

Today, I'm a massage therapist, and a woman got on my table with a rash. When I informed her that I couldn't work on her because of the rash, and that it's illegal, she got mad, and started yelling at me. My boss came to find out what happened, took her side, and fired me. For following the law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 55

By unloved - 18/01/2010 05:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife changed her name back to her maiden name. Why? So people would stop asking questions about us. We have been married for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 969

You deserved it 2 737

By poisonivyandbigfoot - 19/09/2017 16:00

Today, I was playing a game on my boyfriend's phone when he got a text from a girl saying, "last night was so fun." When I asked him about it, he panicked and said, "we were hunting Bigfoot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 059

You deserved it 303

By Anonymous - 22/12/2009 10:08 - United States

Today, I came home from my 2 week trip to Florida. At the airport, the door said "Enter Only", while a sign above it said "Do not enter." Long story short, I got arrested for "disobeying signs." Nothing says "Welcome home" like being arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 765

You deserved it 4 806

By Anonymous - 05/07/2015 19:20 - United States - Silverdale

Today, I went to a restaurant and asked for vegetarian options. They told me, "We have a chicken Caesar salad, will that work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 211

You deserved it 6 948

By SnuggieOverload - 28/09/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, I finally found out that someone had stolen my debit card and maxed it out. The good news? Whoever it was forgot to change the address on the card, so everything they bought online has been shipped to me. The bad news? I've received 16 snuggies so far, and I'm still counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 771

You deserved it 3 682

Fight Club for Dummies

By Jeff - 23/05/2019 22:21

Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 909

You deserved it 244

By Anonymous - 02/07/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I had a consultation for an upcoming surgery I need done. The doctor (very handsome and in his late twenties) asked me to flex my stomach and act like I was trying to use the bathroom. As I was enjoying him touching my stomach, I fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 931

You deserved it 8 610

By scared and alone - 13/03/2015 18:47 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I found out my husband has been sleeping with one of the women in our marriage counselling group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 331

You deserved it 2 901

By liquidknight - 10/09/2012 12:48 - United States

Today, while trying to change my visiting cousin's opinion about our state being "redneck and white trash", we stumbled upon a proposal/celebration in a Walmart. So much for changing her opinion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 850

You deserved it 3 965

By ChangMu - 01/05/2013 06:40 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I had to go buy diaper rash cream. For myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 330

You deserved it 7 461

By Ashley Marshburn - 17/10/2010 13:55 - United States

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked into my home office and said F*** you! Then she ran to my husband and said "Did I say it right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 895

You deserved it 5 227

By acapelladisaster - 13/03/2015 00:39 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, in my online class I accidentally unmuted my mic. Normally that would be fine except today I decided to serenade myself with a silly song. I didn't realize until everyone started clapping at the end of the song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 794

You deserved it 7 131

By aphre - 18/03/2009 12:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of over a year and I were discussing how neither of us is the other's usual 'type'. I explained that I usually go for insular asshole types and then asked him what made me different from his usual choices. He said 'Oh, well, I usually go for the attractive ones.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 732

You deserved it 11 854

By foreveravirgin - 15/08/2012 19:07 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I found out that instead of going on a date with a girl I've liked for months, I'm going to be forced to have lunch with my grandmother tomorrow. Instead of losing my virginity, I will get to be interrogated about why I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 616

You deserved it 7 264

By whoanoa - 10/03/2010 03:12 - United States

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 372

You deserved it 3 195

By LaundryVictim - 15/06/2016 20:50

Today, I picked up my laundry from the wash-and-fold and proceeded to put everything away. I noticed a hand towel that wasn't mine and made a mental note to return it; turned out they'd given me someone else's boxers as well. My boyfriend doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 461

You deserved it 1 117

By goodsister - 14/10/2009 08:09 - Canada

Today, I was yelled at and humiliated by my otherwise awesome brother-in-law for my supposed lack of effort in the planning of a baby shower for my very pregnant sister. The kicker? Her huge, break-my-bank semi-surprise baby shower has been in the works for a month and is happening this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 508

You deserved it 2 808

By Toothy_Peg - 13/06/2009 15:13 - Australia

Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 102

You deserved it 4 315

By TowelSinger - 12/02/2012 08:07

Today, I was at a choir convention, and everyone sings the national anthem outside their rooms each night. I was not informed and took a shower. My roommates opened the door, yanked me out, and locked me out of the room to sing wearing just a towel. The guy down the hall was video taping it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 405

You deserved it 4 178

By Ottawa - 12/05/2009 14:11 - Canada

Today, I was in line for Star Trek and chatting with another couple about a guy who came to the movie wearing a Starfleet uniform. We were having a good snicker about this "Geek" until my cell phone rang. My ringtone is the sound made by the Star Trek communicator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 403

You deserved it 84 193

By Mel - 11/09/2018 14:30

Today, I woke up to find out my cat pissed in my laundry from last night. This includes underwear, so I had to go commando. I grabbed an old T-shirt and pants at the bottom of a drawer and left for school. Turns out the pants had a hole in the crotch and my period was due. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 248

You deserved it 649

By that guy - 24/05/2012 16:41 - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my phone ever rings is because someone needs help with their computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 842

You deserved it 2 281

By Vic - 11/07/2011 09:00 - Denmark

Today, it's my birthday. The present I received from my best friend was the exact same necklace which I gave to her for her birthday two months ago. It had been unwrapped and re-wrapped in the same paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 233

You deserved it 4 006

By SickandTired - 22/03/2011 16:59 - Australia

Today, I went to work despite having a nasty cold. I didn't call up sick because last week when I called in, my boss said I was being "unprofessional and unacceptable." My boss sent me home with a written warning today, claiming that coming to work sick was "unprofessional and unacceptable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 679

You deserved it 3 755

By dragonstooth257 - 03/02/2019 12:00

Today, while on vacation with my siblings and the horde of nieces and nephews, me and hubby managed to sneak in a quickie. It was a quickie alright. Ihe first time in our marriage he blew his load after 2 strokes because he was afraid of being interrupted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 753

You deserved it 572

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Top comments

SerenaSerenadex3 13

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Friday 14 June 2013 8:28

That's just foul.

MacMonster 10

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Friday 14 June 2013 8:42

A ditch? A dutch? You can't just leave us hanging like that

SandyKinns 6

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Friday 14 June 2013 8:28

Ain't life a d*tch?

MacMonster 10

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Friday 14 June 2013 8:42

A ditch? A dutch? You can't just leave us hanging like that

challan 19

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Friday 14 June 2013 9:56

(raises my fist in the air) Those damn Dutch always causing problems! Making people happy with your legal herb and prostitution!!!

deepunder 17

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Saturday 15 June 2013 11:02

I think u mean a bad pitch. The Op can blame some of it on the pitcher. Or maybe u misspelled douche. Really misspelled douche.

Ian7890 23

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Friday 14 June 2013 8:28

Hope you have insurance!

SerenaSerenadex3 13

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Friday 14 June 2013 8:28

That's just foul.

Iceman225 11

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Friday 14 June 2013 8:39

I si vat yu deed ther.

Pordexel 5

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Friday 14 June 2013 16:53

Allow me to translate: I am an idiot who is too lazy to write properly and sees what you did there.

LeFrogDog 27

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Friday 14 June 2013 21:44

That is what happens when you give a phone to a monkey.

Pro_Nothing 9

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Saturday 15 June 2013 4:43

#11 must've been hot by a softball.

GemmaStyles 14

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Friday 14 June 2013 8:29

Did you not practice beforehand, knowing you were playing in the league again?

MacMonster 10

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Friday 14 June 2013 8:44

Well, aiming a ball exactly where you want is difficult, and considering the ball went to the parking lot, it sounds like he/she hit it far.

vehementbitch 4

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Friday 14 June 2013 18:53

15, not necessarily considering it was a foul..

liltwistism 12

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Friday 14 June 2013 20:28

Yeah. If the ball went straight up into the air and backwards when the batter hit it, that'd be considered a foul ball. Then it wouldn't have to go far to hit a car.

1deep4life 11

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Friday 14 June 2013 8:30

Better your car than someone else's

timelessone 16

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Friday 14 June 2013 13:01

maybe they should ride their bike to the next game.

Liamj774 36

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Friday 14 June 2013 20:37

I have hit my bike with a foul ball before lol

Jellybellybeanz 22

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 8:38

I hit a random person's car once but my brother hit his coaches' car!

LolOrDeath 4

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Friday 14 June 2013 8:30

That car better get a waxing for the beating you gave it

hashshim 21

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Friday 14 June 2013 8:31

Benchwarmers moment.

lordslaya53 14

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Friday 14 June 2013 8:33

SWING BATTA BATTA SWING

Iceman225 11

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Friday 14 June 2013 8:38

Why'd you go back to playing? I'd practice the basics a bit more before trying a homer...

hashshim 21

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Friday 14 June 2013 8:45

A homer? When you're at bat you have to hit the ball.

Iceman225 11

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Friday 14 June 2013 19:29

Not hard, you don't.

twitch851 9

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Friday 14 June 2013 8:39

Wow just all the stupid comments on this one. Be thankful you hit it at all after five years. I'm gunna have trouble getting back active after I fight off my infection, let alone five years!