Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML
Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. As I was checking out, I went to grab the same item that the cashier was reaching for. He brushed my hand. He then both watched me creepily and asked my what lotion I used to make my hands so soft. When I left, he said, "I'll dream of you." FML
Today, I was home alone, and decided to do some naked cleaning just because I could. After half an hour of liberating nakie-dusting, I turn around to see my boyfriend and his best friend gaping at me open mouthed. His older brother however gave a creepy smile and the thumbs up. FML
Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying, "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML
Today, I went for a quick piss at a restaurant. As I walked out the door, a little kid in the bathroom yelled, "HEY MISTER, YOU FORGOT TO WASH YOUR HANDS!" Everyone in the dining room stared, including my date. FML
Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML
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Top comments
MrHomerSimpson 11
Good girl
SkoomaKi 28
At least you wash your hands. A lot of people don't...
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Comments (131)
rekege 18
He's a keeper!
lajaynay 15
"It puts the lotion on its skin."
abbybeawesome 0
Or it gets the hose again!! :D
jaredofmo 22
Good hygiene is sexy. Your boyfriend just needs to learn to not sound so creepy when expressing it.
Ugi 27
Well, at least you did wash your hands! I can just imagine him sending you back into the bathroom to do it properly like a scolded 6-year-old. Hope he's not going to turn out to have OCD or be excessively controlling.
Ashlee0715 8
I think it's time to find another boyfriend. This one sounds a bit creepy.
FML_Master2133 6
Wait... You got out of the toilet? What were you doing in there in the first place? Maybe you should have taken a shower as well!
MrNewblez 0
Well y'know what they say.. Sometimes you have to get extra clean bedfore you get dirty.
OfficeNinja 5
Is it possible to say that in a non-creepy way?
titzenpitzer 9
oh, by the way, dwight schrute much?
titzenpitzer 9
#46 this somehow reminds me of the scene where Abed and Troy talk during the halloweenparty (community!)