Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML
Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. As I was checking out, I went to grab the same item that the cashier was reaching for. He brushed my hand. He then both watched me creepily and asked my what lotion I used to make my hands so soft. When I left, he said, "I'll dream of you." FML
Today, I was home alone, and decided to do some naked cleaning just because I could. After half an hour of liberating nakie-dusting, I turn around to see my boyfriend and his best friend gaping at me open mouthed. His older brother however gave a creepy smile and the thumbs up. FML
Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying, "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML
Today, I went for a quick piss at a restaurant. As I walked out the door, a little kid in the bathroom yelled, "HEY MISTER, YOU FORGOT TO WASH YOUR HANDS!" Everyone in the dining room stared, including my date. FML
Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML
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Top comments
MrHomerSimpson 11
Good girl
SkoomaKi 28
At least you wash your hands. A lot of people don't...
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Comments (131)
gingerfly91 1
You came out of the TOILET!?
araemis 8
Surely 'toilet' is just another word for loo or bathroom, so if you are coming out of the toilet, it just means to exit the room that the toilet is in.
millieee92 2
why are people going crazy over "i came out of the toilet" the word toilet is universally and very commonly used to describe the bathroom....
ReptarTheStar 6
Obviously, He wanted to make sure you didn't have hand-crabs or something :P
shawnaishere 14
That sounds like something I'd say. I mean keeping your hands clean is really clean
ittybitttyme 8
Sounds like Sleeping With The Enemy. Verrryyy creeps!
emmy627 2
wtf is a new flat?
AJRand 14
Wow, really? It's an apartment.
Ice_King 0
Haha u cant take a joke?
wbaca8 0
And he quickly became the creepy ex stalker
foxy_grampa 19
But that is good