Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while at the park, my 3 year-old ran up to a lady, grabbed her chest and loudly asked, "Are these your breasts? Are they private on you too?" FML
Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML
Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML
Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML
Today, I was working as an intern at a day care. One of the kids touched my chest a couple of times, and I jokingly told him that he shouldn't touch old and ugly women like me. So he started groping the little girls instead. When the other teachers asked him why, he said I had told him to. FML
Today, I was at a baseball game. This kid in front of me had binoculars and was constantly shouting. Trying to amuse the girl next to me, I leaned over and said, "That kid probably has wet dreams about baseball." She got up and said to the kid, "Come on honey, we're leaving." FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML
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Top comments
RodzillaX 30
Those lines do get very long and boring.
cuppycakeslove 20
Ugh, call security, that's public indecency and so disrespectful if its a family park.
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Comments (156)
sisco2901 20
I'm going to get buried for this, but I don't see why everyone's suddenly in a fit of righteousness and calling security, indecent exposure and shit. I don't mean that people should be allowed to do that in front of kids, but they were probably just pubes with hormones smacking their heads... So while it' certainly not appropriate, I wouldn't go as far as calling it disgusting. I think that if that girl was trying to be badass, it's just a pose, pretentious stuff. I think that a right and pointy remark would throw her off-balance and do the same trick of stopping them doing it with class and bonus points from OP's kids.
MuppetMerkin 10
It's reactions like this that are the reason kids don't show any sort of respect to their elders anymore.
nnnope 26
well, op IS in New Jersey...it must be a "Jersey thing"
perdix 31
Ever since I witnessed the "Jersey Left" at intersections, I've understood that New Jersey is a whole separate world!
gallaeo 21
Always enjoy your comments perdix. At the risk of sounding stupid, what's the "Jersey Left"? Or do I even want to know.. That just sounds like that could mean so many different things lol.
martin8337 36
Get a room!
thesubbybubbies 9
Yolo right?
silverfern 2
I just read a whisper status from (potentially) this girl last night haha. She gave him a hand job while waiting in line at an amusement park....awkward...
Schiffy 18
Yeah, somehow...... just not that way....
kwan_wendy 9
Say out loud so everyone will know it n look at it then she will stop.
Poppy8127 15
I hope she and her boyfriend were kicked out
finalyearsofhate 22
That's just gross. grope all you want in private, but in front of kids is just plain wrong.