Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went clothes shopping. I took my little daughter into the dressing room while I tried some clothes on. She somehow managed to open the door while I was changing. A lady outside then bitched me out for "exposing" myself to her kids. FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, I was in a shopping centre when a little girl was running up and down the aisles. She started to fall over so I put my hand out to catch her. Her mother then ran up to me and screamed about me 'touching her child' so loud that everyone could hear. FML
Today, at the mall, I ran into a lost, crying little girl. It was my best friend's daughter. She recognized and clung on to me. As I called her dad, some nosy lady snatched her from me and caused a scene, screaming, "KIDNAPPER!" As I got apprehended, her claim was she heard me say, "If you still want to see her…" FML
Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML
Today, I was teaching my 4 year-old daughter about "stranger danger" and how to deal with it. Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML
Today, I went to the mall. A little girl was walking around and telling everyone that they were pretty. When she got to me, she gave me a disgusted look and walked away. FML
Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yelled at the top of her voice, "Stop following me, you freak." I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML
Today, I bought my daughter a rape alarm after she had a near-miss with a creep following her to her part-time job. As soon as I handed it to her in the car park, she accidentally set it off and one of her coworkers put me in a rather painful headlock and threw me to the ground, breaking my arm. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML
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Top comments
Glowworm56 27
"Well, I wish I could tell your father the same thing about you, sir, but I'm afraid I'm far too late!"
hunterseal 18
I'm assuming your daughter is a toddler, lol wtf is his problem? Obviously someone who isn't mentally all there. I've had children run and grab my ass and I won't be happy but I won't scream at them, the best thing you can do is just inform their parents
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Comments (28)
hunterseal 18
I'm assuming your daughter is a toddler, lol wtf is his problem? Obviously someone who isn't mentally all there. I've had children run and grab my ass and I won't be happy but I won't scream at them, the best thing you can do is just inform their parents
Hillyard 10
Absolutely.
Glowworm56 27
"Well, I wish I could tell your father the same thing about you, sir, but I'm afraid I'm far too late!"
Mungolikecandy 19
I would say you met someone who suffers from a mental disorder. It may possibly be paedophobia.
MidnaLink 35
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If that were pedophilia, he would've probably grabbed her already.
Glowworm56 27
Paedophobia is the fear of children. Not to be confused with pedophilia which is a sexual attraction towards children.
MidnaLink 35
Wait, did it say phobia, or philia? I don't remember now, and I can't view the entire thing.
Nova Solarius 10
Phobia.
Mungolikecandy 19
You said philia.
tarabella 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
is your kid deformed in any way?? hmmmmmmm???
Watervixen 27
Even if this is true that comment (and your's) is rude and uncalled for.
Yummi_913 18
The comment is only rude if you read it with the wrong attitude in mind. It's a valid question. People are often caught off guard by deformities. Not saying it's right or fair. It just happens. Some people are scared of, or defensive towards deformities. The guy was clearly being a dick regardless. Honestly, it's even worse if the kid is deformed because to me it shows that he may view people with deformities as animals or non-human creatures. If it was just an average looking kid, he likely just views kids as pests of some kind and has a rude personality on top of that.
Zanquis 22
I am curious on the follow up... If some would say that to my kid apologizies need to be made fast .. I wouldn't care who said it, they would not walk away without a apology.
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
they'd drive away. In an ambulace car amiright?
Zanquis 22
Anyone diwnviting me is obviously supporting the guy who insulted OP's kid. And no I am not promoting violence, I give people ample time to apoligize. My wife on the otherhand I would probably have to bail out..
RichardPencil 32
Plot twist: The daughter is 26!
lamaitresse9 1
There is probably an integral part of the story missing, such as the child dumped a slushy all over his Tom Ford suit, thus ruining it; she startled him and he dropped his wife's make up haul etc. I'm not a kid fan, but people aren't horribly rude to people's faces for absolutely no reason whatsoever, especially when there is a child around!
BrotherPhil 35
There are some dicks out there. Not many of them, thankfully, but enough that they feel it is appropriate for them to be dicks.
amarie2009 22
Now I am curieus, did you give birth to Gollum LOL!!!
RichardPencil 32
Maybe you shouldn’t be out shopping if you can’t “control your beast.”
Gemie_1172916684 1
In no situation is that ever ok to say. But OP, wish you would explain background or tell if it was just random.... sounds like you met a special kinda guy lol!