By Antonin - 13/11/2020 05:03 - Switzerland

We meet again

Today, I missed my bus to school, so I took my bike. The bus that I missed ignored a stop sign on its way back, making me crash into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

875

You deserved it

Favorite

Messed up

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

There's no helping some people

By Fuckthispandemic - 19/2/2021 08:01 - United States - Annapolis

A complaint of Karens

Today, while working as a manager in a busy restaurant, I was hit in the face by a grandmother with a balloon, calling me a motherfucker, while her granddaughter chucked a salad plate into the kitchen. Why? I told them they had to leave at 10, which is currently pandemic law in my state. FML

I agree, your life sucks

967

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I graduated from a top law school. My aunt's reaction? "I will never hang out with a cop." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24262

You deserved it

2056

Favorite

By FailingMyCourse - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I found out that my university had not accepted the internship I did when I was in college. They placed me in the same bank I interned in, with the same bank manager that I flipped the middle finger at after finishing my internship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13168

You deserved it

27169

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Nuneaton

Today, after recently breaking up with my boyfriend, I unknowingly washed my laundry using his washing tabs. My whole wardrobe now smells like my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30940

You deserved it

16936

Favorite

By I was just following orders!

Today, I visited my girlfriend in the preschool she's interning at. She asked me to continue reading The Little Mermaid to her class, handing me the book. After the story, the whole class started to cry. She never told me to sugarcoat the ending and lie, Disney-style. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3186

You deserved it

568

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Garland

Today, while on my Dad's computer, I looked through the browser history to find the name of a website I'd visited on it the other day. I soon found out he watches a staggering amount of downright frightening incest porn. I'm disturbed on so many levels. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28859

You deserved it

3597

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife and I had a huge fight. I was getting ready to go to sleep on the couch when she came downstairs and grabbed a very large metal spoon. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26878

You deserved it

4226

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was suffering from acid reflux. I was told that drinking water laced with baking soda would help. Nope, all it did was create a huge belch that made me vomit all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22424

You deserved it

3636

Favorite

By be_nj - United States

Today, at work as a cashier, I had a male customer come up to me and ask me what hours I worked today, like he has done for several weeks now. Immediately after, my manager calls my lane to tell me to watch out for that guy. He has been stalking a co-worker of mine. Apparently, I'm next. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48440

You deserved it

4152

Favorite

By HYRTE

Today, I returned a shirt for my mom. When the cashier asked why, I just said my mom didn't like the way it looked. After an awkward pause, I noticed the cashier was wearing the same shirt. She was not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3938

You deserved it

352

Favorite

By MommyLovesMe - United States

Today, I learned why my credit score is so low. My mom stole my identity almost three years ago. Her excuse? "You didn't need good credit for anything anyways". FML

I agree, your life sucks

44598

You deserved it

3327

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, we had bingo. Three rounds into it a group behind me started to yell, "BINGO, BINGO!". I looked around and saw no one was coming to verify that they had a bingo, so I turned around and said "Stand up." The girl was a midget, she was standing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39213

You deserved it

14398

Favorite

By Metime - United States

Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7625

You deserved it

33227

Favorite

By RoseRodent - United Kingdom - London

Today, I dropped my daughter off at a concert where she was performing and went to look for parking. I got caught in freak traffic and it took me an hour to get back there. I missed her act. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14629

You deserved it

1507

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Kilkeel

Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41709

You deserved it

8988

Favorite

By notasgood - United States

All in the family

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39371

You deserved it

3317

Favorite

By GK - Australia

Today, in my class I was nominated for the guy with the worst hairdo. I don't know what is worse, the fact that I was nominated or the fact that I felt let down when I did not win. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44786

You deserved it

7728

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Burnaby

Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone interview with a company. Excited, I prepared for the interview and conducted extensive research on the company. The interview ended within a minute. They'd got the wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45123

You deserved it

3578

Favorite

By satisfied88

Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37587

You deserved it

16007

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I learned that my girlfriend takes creepshots of me sleeping, and my mom likes them on her Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22031

You deserved it

2137

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and gave his little speech, over the phone. He did all this while his ass was firmly planted in a chair in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30117

You deserved it

2662

Favorite

By Melaknee - United States

Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35363

You deserved it

149432

Favorite

By cait - United States - Edmond

Today, within one day of meeting me, my stepmom decided to break up with my dad. Her reason being, "I love you, but I just can’t put up with the kid." I’m 'the kid'. I’m 28 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1731

You deserved it

177

Favorite

By eliteslayer29 - United States

Today, I sent my resume to a place where I hoped to work at. Since the job requires me to be doing work on the run, I put on it that I have a laptop. The only problem is that I always thought it was "labtop." I didn't learn the correct spelling until my daughter called me an idiot, she's 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8441

You deserved it

42783

Favorite

By scaredofbozo

Today, I woke up screaming after a nightmare about clowns, which wouldn't be too bad if I hadn't been surrounded by coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15431

You deserved it

28249

Favorite

By Jenny - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

115115

You deserved it

8685

Favorite

By so_this_is_me - Canada - Brampton

Today, my love life is so pathetic that when I got a sample of cologne in the mail, I kept sniffing it just to remind myself what a guy smells like. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24769

You deserved it

3520

Favorite

By Egtat216 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, whilst tuning my guitar, one of the steel strings snapped and hit me in the face. Now I'm on my way to my first date with the girl of my dreams, and I'm wearing an eye patch and have a thick red line across my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15307

You deserved it

1455

Favorite

By disney - United States

Today, I went to Disneyworld. I fell and hit my head while jumping up and down to see Ariel. I'm a 35 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12831

You deserved it

43362

Favorite

By frustrated - Australia

When clampers attack!

Today, despite being parked in my work's car park, my car got clamped. It cost me $150 to get the clamp removed and all I got was "bad luck" from my boss and the clamper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1444

You deserved it

117

Favorite

By hurtsmyears - United States

Today, I had to endure yet another evening of the old man in the apartment above me screaming, "No, I don't want to shave my nose hair, you crazy bitch." He lives alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33229

You deserved it

2351

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/5/2020 05:00

Beautiful

Today, my boyfriend wrote me poetry. Here's how it went: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits." That's the most romantic thing he's done for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1326

You deserved it

440

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, a wasp ended up in the house. Normally, I'd just open a door to outside and run for cover, but my 3-year-old son was home, so I decided to be brave and kill it. It flew into the air vents. We're now playing wasp roulette every time we enter a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12326

You deserved it

1805

Favorite

By TheHeirofTime - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14178

You deserved it

1705

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I got a phone call from my boss, who'd hired me after two months of waiting and begging for this position. A week into the job, the company is closing our store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4640

You deserved it

405

Favorite

By anon - United States

Today, when my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I got a nose bleed. He gave me a shirt to plug it with and kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32303

You deserved it

5405

Favorite

By nothing_nobody

Today, I was volunteering at a local hospital. I was eagerly introducing myself to all the nurses, as I would be working with them all summer. It wasn't until I got home that I discovered the giant piece of lettuce stuck in my front teeth. So much for first impressions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14507

You deserved it

1936

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10266

You deserved it

79536

Favorite

By robthebuilder - Canada

Today, while at work, I was asked to see my boss. I was informed that the company would be laying off 20 people, and that I was one of them. I was told I could finish off the week, then was sent back to work. Twenty minutes later, my boss walked around and handed us all Christmas party invitations. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27714

You deserved it

2454

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/11/2020 22:56 - United States - Ashburn

Alexa, play "Isolation" by Joy Division

Today, I jokingly said to my coworker, "God, what I wouldn't do for a week off work." I was then tested positive for COVID fifteen minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

783

You deserved it

419

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Nic1330 | 4

#7951689 - Friday 13 November 2020 15:15

at least you caught the bus 😂

By raven_of_azarath | 33

#7951649 - Friday 13 November 2020 12:43

And that’s called irony.

COMMENTS

By raven_of_azarath | 33

#7951649 - Friday 13 November 2020 12:43

And that’s called irony.

By Nic1330 | 4

#7951689 - Friday 13 November 2020 15:15

at least you caught the bus 😂

By dasin | 17

#7952585 - Tuesday 17 November 2020 20:16

bicycle or motor bike? but good thing it didnt run into you